Tag: trauma

Waking Thoughts

And so to yet

Another day

Resisting

The urge to cry

In a body

That is fighting

Hard to survive

But with a mind

That wants to die

12

In Loving Memory

The girl you knew is gone

She said

Killed by love itself

You don’t need to tell me

He said

For I dug her grave myself

10

Accountability

It was you who made things difficult

It was you who made things worse

You who added injury to insult

It was you who left me cursed

It was you who made me doubt myself

It was you who made me cry

You who just pleased yourself

It was you who never asked why

But as for all that has followed

All that has now came to be

Every pill that I have swallowed

That’s on no one else but me

13

Season’s Beatings

I fucking hate Christmas

Just like Christmas hates me

Walking on eggshells all day

Faking smiles around a tree

I learned when I was five

Santa doesn’t deliver for free

That he prefers ‘good little girls’

And the one he favoured that year was me

As an adult I’ve tried to make it better

To erase him from my memory

But I still fucking hate Christmas

Just like Christmas hates me

57

Random #150

“Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people.”

– Carl Jung

11

Best In Show

You were hurt

And so was I

Not that it’s a competition

But if it was

Then rest assured

You could never beat my position

16

Settle In

Tell me all about your life

He said

And what has happened to you

You’ll need to give me a minute

She said

To think all this shit through

22

L’appel du Vide

I knew from the beginning

He said

Within you there was a spark

Writing is now a passion

She said

With misery my trademark

31

‘You Should Have Come In Sooner’

If only I could tell you

But you wouldn’t understand

I don’t know how to open up

Or even if I can

Sharing how I feel with you

Would be difficult at best

So I will just keep trudging on

With my cards close to my chest

21

Leaving Home

Just keep on walking

He said

And don’t you ever come back

Just stop fucking talking

She said

You’ve already won this attack

7

Ill-Prepared

I didn’t know it would hurt like this

He said

Or what I’d have to go through

There is no way of knowing

She said

Until it happens to you

25

Two Steps Back

Words don’t cut it

Anymore

So it’s back to the knives

Instead

I really thought

I was over this

But the trauma demon

Has to be fed

26

Perverse

It’s only when you lie

I find

That my pain goes away

But when you tell the truth

I find

I don’t know what to say

6

The Support Group

I do not come here

Every week

Looking for praise or reward

For I don’t deserve

Any of those things

Of that I have been assured

16

Daddy Dearest

Call me your sweetheart again

She said

And I’ll punch you in the face

For you never earned that right

She said

In the first fucking place

12

Impenetrable

I really tried to love you

He said

But I wasn’t good enough

It’s really not your fault

She said

My exterior is just too tough

25

Running Scared

In case you don’t come back

He said

You did really well today

Thank you very much

She said

But I don’t believe a word you say

6

The Old Crone

Please

She said

Pay me no mind

And try not think of me unkind

For I am

She said

To madness inclined

And peace I can no longer find

22

Progress

I cry a lot more now

Even at the silliest thing

My therapist says it’s better

Than trying to keep it all in

22

Even My Tissues Have Issues

Will there ever come a day

When I won’t feel so sad

What the hell did I do

That was so fucking bad

All I ever wanted

Was to live a life free from pain

And yet it seems I am destined

To walk forever in the rain

14

How Long Has It Been Now?

From this cold embittered heart

I just cannot be prised apart

Like a leech on an open wound

Oh, is there any hope for me

From the past to be set free

And to love again become more attuned?

🖤

13

My Lips Are Sealed

Don’t you worry

I will never tell

How much you hurt me

And put me through hell

But not to keep

Your good name intact

But more to ensure

You never come back

14

In My Shoes

Bitter
and
twisted

Yes,
that’s
me

But
live
my
life

For a
minute
or two

And so
would
you
fucking
be

12

Fancily Dressed

I’ve
often
been
tricked

In
my
life

But
rarely
ever
been
treated

So
it
shouldn’t
be

Any
wonder
really

Why
I always
sound so
defeated

18

Old News

Some
people
may
have
already

But
I can
never
forget

For
even
after
all
this
time

I’m
still
fucked
in the
head

13

Handover

You’ll
never
cope

She
said

When
this
happens
to you

I
know

He
said

I’m
dreading
it too

2

One Week On

What
exactly
am I
missing
out on?

Go on
then
please,
explain

It’s
your last
chance to
convince me

To
leave
the
house
again

 

0

Found

Hearing
how
sad
you
would
be

Doesn’t
make
me
change
my
mind

All
it
does
is
remind
me
to
choose

A
method
that
is
kind

8

HeadRoom

I
did
not
realise

That
space
in my
head

Would
still be
filled
by you

Even
though
you’re
dead

6

Flashback

The
figure
creeps
around
outside

As I
watch
the
darkness
descend

I lie
there
rigid,
fraught
with fear

As
I know
how this
will
end

6

Damaged Goods

It
really
isn’t
you,
it’s
me

You
deserve
to be
happy

But
you
won’t
get to
share

In
anything
with
me

But
sadness,
heartache
and
despair

And
untold
misery

22

Then And Now

I
was
so
happy
back
then

But
now
I’m
full
of
woe

I’m
definitely
not the
carefree
person
I was
a year
ago

6

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