Tag: triggers

A Knife’s Edge

It rears it’s head

This time of year

The feeling of wishing

That I wasn’t here

I’ll try to push through

As best as I can

But I’d be lying to say

It wasn’t still a plan

9

Just A Glimpse

When I saw him

Again today

All of that pain

Was washed away

Until I realised

It wasn’t him

And my heart, once more,

Cracked

From within

2

Flimsy

It never ceases to amaze me

How quickly the tears can flow

At some moment of nostalgia

Or sentimental TV show

I guess it’s just indicative

Of how most days I can deal

But just beneath the surface

Lurks a trauma yet to heal

2

Traumatising

There are things

About that day

That out loud

I’ll never say

It’s bad enough

They’re in my head

I don’t need

To hear them said

Pulling The Plug

You did
it on
purpose,
didn’t
you?

Don’t
worry,
it
didn’t
show.

But
I knew
you
had
decided

It
was
time
for you
to go.

Xxx

(Originally Posted 09.02.2020)

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It Doesn’t Take Much

My heart aches just

That little bit more

As I read this

With a sigh

Remembering the time

With your hand in mine

Crying

We said goodbye

Xxx

‘Everything Must Go’

Don’t
say
anything
else

He
said

Please,
just
hold
my
hand

I’ll
stay
until
we
reach

She
said

Our
line in
the
sand

(Originally Posted 07.02.2020)

2

Uproar

So much changes

When your partner dies

Infinitely more

Than you would ever realise

Soul Bar(e)ing

I mourn
the loss
of us

Even more
than the
loss of
you

(Originally Posted 23.01.2020)

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Rarer

I can get through

Most days now

Without crying

Over you

But sometimes it hits

Like a ton of bricks

And there is nothing

I can do

Recurring

The tears I cried

When you died

Will never fully dry

For with each day

Dawns a new array

Of pain I can’t deny

Xxx

(Originally Posted 22.01.2021)

4

The Widow’s Curse

It’s hard at times

For me to explain

As I want to protect you

From feeling my pain

And it’s never your fault

When I’m triggered like this

But when you hold my hand

It reminds me of his

‘Hand In Glove’

Some days
your hand
fits
perfectly
in mine

Our love
flows freely
and
sparkles
like wine

Some days
I can’t
bear
to hold
your hand

For
reasons
you
couldn’t
understand

(Originally Posted 21.01.2020)

2

My Mind’s Eye

I found a way

In the end

I put them all in the bin

Now I only wince

If I catch a glimpse

Of those that I keep within

I Can’t Wait

I can’t
wait for
the day

When I
no longer
wince

At
every
glimpse

Of
your
photo

(Originally Posted 07.01.2020)

4

‘the weirdness flows between us’

The worst is in the office

With the radio on

And no-one bats an eyelid

When they play our favourite song

Xxx

Name That Tune

People play
those songs

With no notion
of this pain

No idea that
when I hear them

My heart bleeds
for you again

(Originally Posted 18.12.2019)

0

Magnitude

You may well have been dead

Nearly four years to the day

Yet you still have the power

To take my breath away

Xxx

A Different Coat

I cried for
hours this
morning

I found your
notebook in
my pocket

Now I’ve
started to
read it

I don’t
know how
to stop it

(Originally Posted 19.11.2019)

10

Even On Good Days

It’s never too far away

That shadow

I see it from the corner

Of my eye

An ever present reminder

Of what we lost

And when we had

To say goodbye

Mourning

Darkness
casts a
shadow
over my
head

As it
does
over
my
heart

Thoughts
and
dreams
of you
abound

As does
sorrow
that
we’d to
part

(Originally Posted 27.09.2019)

2

One At A Time

To be fair

I have gotten better

I can look at a photo

Or read a letter

But I find it best

Not to get too immersed

Because, after all,

It still fucking hurts

Wall Art

I can’t
look at
your
photos
anymore

They make
my heart
too heavy
and my eyes
too sore

(Originally Posted 20.09.2019)

4

Zero Tolerance

Having been in this situation

More than once

I made sure to learn from it

So now I immediately

Draw the line

The second I smell bullshit

Distortion

You
tell
your
truth

And
I’ll
tell
mine

But
we
both
know

Who
crossed
the
line

(Originally Posted 26.06.2020)

15

Wish You Were Here

If only I could make it better

But there is no way that I can

For you have lost her forever

Just the same as I lost my man

Real Talk

It
hurts
my
heart

To
hear
you
cry

And
watch
you
break

Like
this

As
your
life

Falls
apart

And
you
stare

Into
the
abyss

(Originally Posted 25.06.2020)

4

Hard Times Ahead

I sense more of this type coming

And to be honest

I’m a little afraid

Not only to reread them

But also to relive them

Knowing how I’m capable of such again

The Note

It was the lonliness

That got to me

If I’m honest

In the end

Sitting here

Just quietly

But all alone

Yet again

Desperately trying

But failing

My broken heart

To mend

And all the while

Convinced

That the rope

Was my only friend

(Originally Posted 16.06.2020)

11

My Lips Are Sealed

Don’t you worry

I will never tell

How much you hurt me

And put me through hell

But not to keep

Your good name intact

But more to ensure

You never come back

14

Ping

Your final post

Flashed up today, as a memory

And although just a notification

It meant so much more to me

Xxx

16

Shotgun

At
this
point
I’ll
try
anything

She
said

It
can’t
do any
harm

Then
you
should
take
this
one

He
said

It’ll
work
like a
charm

20

Name That Tune

People play
those songs

With no notion
of this pain

No idea that
when I hear them

My heart bleeds
for you again

8

When Will It End?

Biting my nails
until they bleed,
doesn’t give me
the relief I need.

Scratching my skin
until it’s breaking,
doesn’t stop my
heart from aching.

When will it end,
this pain I’m feeling?
When does it stop,
when do I start healing?

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