Tag: truth

Tuesday

I called in sick for work today.

My heart just couldn’t come out to play.

All I’ve done is lie in bed

Filled with thoughts of fear and dread.

With nausea consuming every movement,

My mood shows no sign of improvement.

I hate existing like this.

Full of anger, self loathing and all that shit.

I wonder how much more emotion can I conceal

Before I decide to end it all for real

6

The Looking Glass

Looking at you
Looking at me

I wonder how
far into
my soul
you can
really see

Looking at me
Looking at you

I wonder
if I’ll ever
believe
what you
say is true

4

The Jumble Sale

I rummage around inside my head as I search for what to say

But the silence means all you hear is that I don’t want you to stay

I rummage around inside my head as I look down to the floor

But the silence means all you hear is that I don’t love you anymore

What is painfully sad for both of us is that neither of these things are true

But this jumble sale of words in my head prevents me from being honest with you

18

I Already Know

I already
know I’m
a piece
of shit

I don’t
need you
to remind
me of it

I already
know I’m
a bitter
old crone

I don’t need
you pointing
out that I’ll
forever be alone

I already
know my
cuts are
too deep

I don’t
need you
to watch
them weep

I already
know that
I’m dead
inside

I don’t need
you telling me
there’s nowhere
left to hide

4

The Struggle

When you see me, you see the finished article.

Washed, dressed, hair in place, make up on and a smile on my face.

But you don’t see what it takes to get there.

You don’t see me trying to muster the strength to open my eyes in the morning.

You don’t see me forcing my weary bones out of bed.

You don’t see me berating myself as I sob in the shower.

You don’t see me looking in the mirror as I question whether or not today is the day.

You don’t see me wracked with indecision on what to wear.

You don’t see me soothing my pain as I twist and pull out my hair.

You don’t see me apply make up in the hope it makes me disappear.

You don’t see me riddled with anxiety as I lurk in the doorway.

You don’t see me breathing deeply before finally pushing open the office door.

When you see me, you see the finished article.

But just because you don’t see the struggle, doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.

Just because you see me smile, it doesn’t mean it’s real.

How I look, is not how I feel.

18

How Are You?

It’s easier to say I’m alright, rather then I’m anxious.

It’s easier to say I’m okay, rather than I’m outraged.

It’s easier to say I’m better, rather than I’m broken.

It’s easier to say I’m good, rather than I’m grieving.

It’s easier to say I’m well, rather than I’m wasted.

It’s easier to say I’m fine, rather than I’m fucked.

0

One Of These Days

One day
you’ll tell me
and I
will run away.

One day
you’ll tell me
and I’ll
beg to stay.

One day
you’ll tell me
and my
tears will sting.

One day
you’ll tell me
and my
heart will sing.

0

Friendship

Every time I make you laugh another part of me dies inside.

For you can never now be the one to whom I can confide.

It’s my own fault, I know too well, as I should not try to pretend.

But if you could only see past my facade, you’d make a cracking friend.

2

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