Deluded

It doesn’t matter

What I say

It makes no difference

What I do

You will always believe

Your own bullshit

Despite it obviously

Being untrue


Exhausting

There
must be
a way
to make
you see

You’re
lying to
yourself
as much
as me

(Originally Posted 19.01.2020)

I Tried My Best

To
patch
it up

But
alas
it seems

I was
out of
luck


The Life Raft

Full
of
holes

As
it
rocks

Against
the
shoals

(Originally Posted 04.06.2020)

More Secrets

I’ve been trying so hard

To be honest with you

To believe what I say

And mean what I do

But as I have struggled

This I know to be true

I must always and forever

Fake it with you


For You

I’ll smile today, for you.
But I won’t mean it.

I’ll laugh today, for you.
But I won’t feel it.

I’ll fake it every day, for you.
But you’ll never know it.

(Originally Posted 16.04.2019)

Whatever You Say

I’m going to be happy today

She said

Push this sadness from my mind

I’ll give you half an hour

He said

And even then that’s being kind

Aiming Higher

What if your best

Isn’t good enough

What if things

Shouldn’t be this tough

Maybe it’s OK

That I want more

And I deserve

What I’m asking for

Calling It Quits

I should have trusted you

She said

And let you through the wall

I didn’t try hard enough

He said

In fact I didn’t really try at all

Self Worth

I’d give you my heart,
But it’s not worth me trying

I’d give you my body,
But it’s not worth your touch

I’d give you my soul,
But it’s not worth my crying

I’d give you my life,
But it’s not worth very much

(Originally Posted 19.04.2019)

Redundant

It’s
okay
to fail
sometimes

He
said

That
you
keep
trying
will
count

Tell
that
to the
bank
manager

She
said

As my
debts
continue
to mount

The Trial

You don’t
have to
prove
anything

He said

Least
of all
to me

But I
need to
prove it
to myself

She said

Otherwise
I’ll never
be free

Anhedonic

Trying
hard
to
survive

This
thing
called
life

Hoping
to fend
off the
madness

Striving
so
much
to find

Heartening
peace
of
mind

Hiding
under my
duvet of
sadness

Questions from The Other Side

How do you
want me to feel?

Guilty for trying?
Because I am not.

Guilty for crying?
Because I am not.

Guilty for lying?
Because I am not.

Guilty for dying?
Because I am not.

Harm Reduction

I’ve been
trying
so hard
to break
this chain

So I’ve
drawn on
my arms
with Biro
again

At least,
this time,
it’s just
a token

And my
skin,
for now,
remains
unbroken

Home Early

I
went
out
tonight

I tried
and I
failed

All
dreams
are now
curtailed

For that ship,
it seems,
has sailed

A Risky Business

We really
shouldn’t
do this,
she said,
it’s not
the right
time

It’s now
or never,
he said,
for I’ll
soon be
past my
prime

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