"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
There must be something to live for
He said
Just one reason to stick around
If there is then I can’t see it
She said
Those bastards have ground me down
Please
If this
Is all there is
Then who are you
To tell me no?
You have no idea
How hard this is
So please,
Just let me go
(Originally Posted 15.05.2019)
Nearly two and a half
Thousand posts
And yet I can still
Surprise myself
Perhaps poetry
Is my future, actually,
So I shouldn’t just leave it
On the shelf
Circling
Like
vultures
Eyeing up
the bones
Of those who
went before us
Now rotting
on the stones
(Originally Posted 14.05.2020)
I can tell
That there are posts
I’ve written to please
An audience
But there are a few
That make me freeze
As the pain I was in
Is obvious
It’s The Small Things That Hurt The Most
How long does it take
To reach for one mug
Or only set out one plate
To programme the heating
To click on at six
Instead of doing it myself at eight
To only buy
One pint of milk
Or get one lottery ticket
To stop saying hello
As I enter the house
Because you
Are no longer in it
(Originally Posted 14.05.2020)
If it’s not monsters
It’s mermaids
As that’s how it is manic depression
Life is laborious
Or it’s glorious
With very little in the way of progression
Monsters
They are always there,
Gnawing away at my brain.
One day I will kill them,
And I shall smile again.
(Originally Posted 14.05.2019)
Eating a sandwich
Outside one day
Someone shouted this
In a jokey way
I snapped back with the truth
And needless to say
They shut the fuck up
And walked away
Lost In Thought
“Cheer up, love!
You don’t know,
it might never happen.”
“I do
and it did.
So piss off.”
(Originally Posted 14.05.2019)
This actually sounds quite spicy
When I read it back
It looks like I meant
A ménage à trois
But I assure you
It wasn’t that
When I wrote
About ‘us two’
I was trying to state a fact
There wasn’t another person
Pining
It was just me and the cat
‘Sleepy Time’
Lying here
Just us two
Isn’t the same
Without you
Xxx
(Originally Posted 13.05.2020)
Only a year ago
This one
And still no better than when I started
Sometimes I fear
There’ll never be an end
To feeling so broken hearted
The End Of The Road
Pretending gets tiring
After a while
So in the end you stop
With no cylinders left firing
And an inibility to smile
It’s back up to that rooftop
(Originally Posted 13.05.2021)
If only we hadn’t done it
If only we’d just stayed friends
I would still have you
To help me through
And this wouldn’t be the end
Our (Companion)Ship Has Sailed
Time
was
you
would
comfort
me
And
things
would
be just
fine
But
now it’s
much
too late
for that
As
we
both
crossed
the line
(Originally Posted 12.05.2020)
You didn’t give me
An answer then
And I doubt that you could now
But that doesn’t mean
I’m not still wondering
If one day you will, somehow
The Hardest Question Of All
If
it’s
not you
And
it isn’t
not me
Then who
the fuck
Is it
supposed
to be?
(Originally Posted 12.05.2020)
All I am
Is hollow inside
What I once had is gone
You’ve bled me dry
Time after time
So now we’re officially done
‘I Have Nothing’
Whatever it is you expect,
I do not have it to give.
As
Whatever it is you want,
I lost it long ago.
(Originally Posted 12.05.2019)
There’s nothing much
To add to this
Little else
That I can write
As the grief I felt
When you left
Will remain with me
For life
Xxx
A Thousand Years
Honestly,
I could wait
for a
thousand years
and it
would still
be too tough.
Honestly,
I could sleep
for a
thousand years
and it
would never
be enough.
Honestly,
I could cry
for a
thousand years
and it
would still
hurt too much.
(Originally Posted 11.5.2019)
Not only did I fail myself
But I also failed you too
I hope one day
You’ll forgive me
For everything I didn’t do
Xxx
Failure
I pride myself on my planning
I write lists day after day
I schedule my time wisely
So that nothing gets in the way
I prepare for every eventuality
Without a pause for breath
But the one thing I didn’t account for
Was your untimely death
Xxx
(Originally Posted 10.05.2021)
The reality
That is me
Rarely lives up
To the promise
That is why
I will always hide
If I am
Brutally honest
Fervour
I have written
All the words I need
Now I just have to press send
But as my finger hovers
I am scared
That our time together
Will end
(Originally Posted 10.05.2020)
It never ceases to amaze me
How blunt I was back then
It’s so clear to see
I wasn’t well, mentally,
When I read this one again
Another Day…
Another day of pretence dawns,
And my heart is full of dread.
Another chasm in my mind yawns,
And I wish that I was dead.
(Originally Posted 09.05.2019)
The simple things in life
It seems
Are not for the likes of me
All I feel I deserve
It seems
Is pain and misery
Arcadia
Here
I am
again
Sitting
all
alone
I don’t
like this
anymore
I just
want to
go home
(Originally Posted 09.05.2020)
Now you’re not here
To cheer me on
I have lost my way a bit
I just need to remember
Those things you said
And try my best to get through it
You Make It Easy
It’s
not
really
you I
love
It’s
that
when
I am
with
you
You
make
it
easy
to
believe
The
lies
I tell
myself
are
true
(Originally Posted 08.05.2020)
I haven’t had this dream
For a while now
But I know that I am not free
For to be confined
By what’s inside my mind
Will be my destiny
Night Terrors (Part 1)
I sense you,
stalking me from behind.
I won’t let you win.
I see you,
prowling outside my window.
I won’t let you in.
I hear you,
scratching at my door.
I won’t let you win.
I feel you,
gnawing on my bones.
How did you get in?
(Originally Posted 08.05.2019)
Someone asked me
The other day
How it was that we met
It felt so easy
In a strange way
To recite our own vignette
Cambuslang
All
those
days we
stayed
in bed
They
rattle
around
inside
my head
Until
the tears
run from
my eyes
As the
love we
shared
slowly
dies
Xxx
(Originally Posted 07.05.2020)
I threw out that rope
A few weeks ago
When I cleared out the shed
Now I’ll try to forgo
My life of woe
And hope for better instead
K(not)
All
I can
say is
I live
in hope
That
one day
I will
tie that
rope
As
tightly
as I see
it in
my mind
And
all my
troubles
I’ll leave
behind
(Originally Posted 06.05.2020)
Because your love was strong
He said
You can feel like that again
I’m afraid this time you’re wrong
She said
You’re talking bullshit, friend
Conversations with Idiots
‘It’s better
to have
loved and lost
than never to
have loved
at all’
‘You really
should just
shut your mouth
as, honestly,
you know
fuck all’
(Originally Posted 06.05.2019)
You hide behind
All that shit you post
But you and I both know
You’re far more inclined
Someone else to quote
Than for your own thoughts to show
Blocked
Your
platitudes
irritate
me every
day
That’s
it
That’s
all
I wanted
to
say
(Originally Posted 05.05.2020)
Please don’t misunderstand me
I didn’t mean this physically
It was far more metaphorically
That I didn’t want you near me
Distance
The closer
you get,
I wish
you were
further away.
(Originally Posted 05.05.2019)
So I suppose
This is the part
Where you say hello
And break my heart
All Good Things
So
I
suppose
This
is the
part
Where
you say
goodbye
And
break my
heart
(Originally Posted 04.05.2020)
Call me pessimistic
But I’m just being real
This isn’t just
What I think
This is exactly how I feel
Cruelty
In a perfect world,
There is someone for everyone.
You meet each other.
You fall in love.
And you stay together,
Forever.
Ours, however, is a cruel world.
There is someone for everyone,
But you might never meet them.
You might never fall in love.
And you might not stay together,
Forever.
Because they might die,
Before you do.
And then, you’re fucked.
(Originally Posted 03.05.2019)
You never got why
I did what I did
Even now, you couldn’t recall
But I know why
I did what I did
And I don’t regret it, at all
Mine
I don’t want to ‘talk’ about it.
I don’t want to ‘express’ it.
I don’t want to ‘let it out’.
I want to keep this part for me.
A part that’s private.
A part that’s mine and mine alone.
As it should be.
I didn’t share my love and I refuse to share my grief.
So just piss off, the lot of you.
(Originally Posted 03.05.2019)
Reckon I must have been watching
That show again when I wrote this
As the only threat I’m capable of giving
Is one of a Glasgow kiss
Omerta
Please
stop
your
incessant
noise
Or I’ll
send
round
one of
the boys
(Originally Posted 02.05.2020)
As if all I do
Is wander around
And weep into the rain
When I really feel blue
To my bed I am bound
As that is my real domain
Grey Days
I love
walking
on grey days
The raindrops
land on my face
and mingle with
my tears
Hiding them
from prying
eyes
(Originally Posted 02.05.2019)
I have been here
Just over three years
With 2,500 posts to boot
So if you still don’t know
To expect a shit show
Then there’s nothing else I can do
Brutal Is My Middle Name
And honest
Is my first
Do not bother
Reading on
Without expecting
The worst
(Originally Posted 01.05.2020)
I’ve said this many times
Mainly to my psychiatrist
For it is he who,
In my opinion,
Sould remain the quietest
No Idea
Stop asking me questions
When you are in no way prepared for the answers
(Originally Posted 01.05.2019)
I can’t quite believe
All the time I wasted
Trying to be perfect
When all I created
Was a lie
Bruised
It’s
OK
You
can
say
it
After
all
it’s
true
I
know
you
never
Really
loved
me
Like
how
I loved
you
(Originally Posted 30.04.2020)
That is the difference
Between you and me
I have no interest
In all of this
Whilst you are happy to be
The Silent Killer
I’m just sitting here,
Waiting it out,
Biding my time.
Soon,
The axe will fall.
And it’ll all be over.
Thankfully.
(Originally Posted 30.04.2019)
If I ever write
A book on grief
This will be
The only page
Grief 101
Just smile and nod
Even if what they say
Makes no fucking sense.
It’s better to be polite,
After all,
Than to punch people
In the face.
(Originally Posted 29.04.2019)
If only you knew
All the shit I was buying
Just to see you
On my doorstep smiling
I’d be off your route
Immediately
The Delivery Man
You have no idea,
How much your sideways glance,
Hauls my weary heart,
Through yet another,
Lonely day…
(Originally Posted 29.04.2019)
I don’t remember where this was
Or which comedian I was bashing
But I hope they could see
It wasn’t them, but me
That was the reason I wasn’t laughing
Row 3 Seat 5
I don’t know
who said you
were funny
But I think
you’re pretty
witless
This really
wasn’t worth
the money
As I’m sitting
here bored
shitless
(Originally Posted 29.04.2020)
It’ll be you next
When the music stops
So I’ll look away
As your heart drops
An Unwanted Gift
You’ll always carry it with you,
the pain.
You can try to wrap it differently.
Use an alternative box,
choose a shiny wrapping paper.
Secure it with ribbon,
Even glue on a fucking huge bow,
if you like.
But you’ll still carry it with you,
the pain.
Like a gaudy present nobody wants to open.
An unwanted gift you can never return.
(Originally Posted 28.04.2019)
There is a fine line
She said
Between charm and bullshit
Get me another beer
She said
And we’ll see if you can find it
The Mutual Appreciation Society
Pour
yourself
a drink
And come
sit with me
Let’s tell
each other
stories
Of how we’re
meant to be
(Originally Posted 28.04.2020)
Was it real
Was it true?
Or was it just
My version of you?
Ambiguity
Is
it
real
What
you
see?
Or
is it
just
Your
version
of me?
(Originally Posted 27.04.2020)
Upon my skin
Those scars abound
A better release
I’ve never found
Precision
Just be
careful
not to
slip
Not one
ounce of
blood to
drip
For you
do not want
them to
see
Just how
messed
up you
can be
(Originally Posted 27.04.2020)
I tried to forgive you
Once
But I didn’t quite succeed
So I tried to forget you
Twice
But I would never be freed
Promises
I promise myself
never again
every time
and every time
I believe it.
But the truth is
forgetting you is
a promise
I am powerless
to keep.
(Originally Posted 27.04.2019)
Yet the fantasy
That promises so much
Rarely delivers
In the end
IPA
Beer
Bridging the great divide
between dreams and reality
Since 1993
(Originally Posted 26.04.2019)
You have it all
In comparison to me
This has always been true
It’s why I’ll never be
Anything more
Than infinitely jealous of you
Lucky You
My head hurts,
Does yours?
My heart cries,
Does yours?
My body aches,
Does yours?
My soul dies,
Does yours?
How can it?
Your head
is as pretty
as a picture.
Your heart
is full
to bursting.
Your body
is as perfect
as a model,
And your soul
flies like an eagle
soaring high above
the rocky plains.
Lucky you.
(Originally Posted 26.04.2019)
Come once more
Into the darkness
Where we fellow heathens dwell
We’ll speak of our ills
And contemplate our thrills
As we cast out our spell
End Credits
Is that
it now
She
said
Can we
go back?
As I want
nothing more
Than to fade
to black
(Originally Posted 26.04.2020)
But there comes
A point
When enough
Is enough
Circles
Enough of you
is
too much
Too much of you
is
never enough
(Originally Posted 25.04.2019)
You should start a diary
He said
And we can talk it through next week
I’ve been keeping one for years
She said
If you’d like to sneak a peek
‘What’s Good For The Goose…’
Just write it down
He said
How hard can it be
But he had never encountered
Someone as fucked up as me
(Originally Posted 25.04.2020)
I do not look
Over my shoulder
For I am brave
I am bolder
You will not beat me
Any longer
Because I am better
I am stronger
Yearning
Time passes
Like a dream
In my mind
As I remember
Everything
I’ve left behind
(Originally Posted 25.04.2020)
She went to Glasgow
On Friday there
And was amazed at how much
She remembered
She intrinsically knew
She would live there again
Just as they had both intended
Head Over Heels
She
once
asked
Have
you
got a
light?
Then
never
went
home
After
that
night
(Originally Posted 24.04.2020)
Why bother saying in person
When you can say in a text
You don’t want to get
Back together
It’s just that you want sex
You’ll Need To Do Better Than That
Don’t
get me
wrong or
anything
It was
nice
to hear
from
you
But
you’ve
done
nothing
at all
to make
me believe
That
your
intentions
are true
(Originally Posted 24.04.2020)
My only wish
Is to see you again
As I really do miss you,
My friend
Maybe One Day
My body
decays
and
My mind
forgets
but
My heart
desires
and
My soul
awakens
(Originally Posted 23.04.2019)
I know you don’t
Want to live with me
But I hope one day
You can forgive me
For all that I
Have done and said
Since the day we met
And after we wed
Love Or Hate
It’s
hard
to
know
which
is
which
When
you
can
be
such
a
bitch
(Originally Posted 23.04.2020)
Why can’t it be
Like it is on TV
Where everyone lives happily
Ever after
Slap And Tickle
I
have
tried to
move on
My
feelings
for you
to shelve
But
it seems
when push
comes to
shove
I just
can’t
help
myself
(Originally Posted 22.04.2020)
No more fish and chips for you
Or a macaroni pie for me
It’s not the same
On my own
Sitting here by the sea
Bank Holidays
Days off
are always
difficult.
There’s
so much more
time to fill,
without you.
So many
memories
of what we
used to do.
At least
at work, I
get paid
to be
miserable.
(Originally Posted 22.04.2019)
Forever
She replied
You deserve eternal damnation
For what you have tried to hide
Upon The Cross
How long
Must I wait
For salvation?
(Originally Posted 21.04.2020)
Please do not look upon me
With your pity and dismay
For this last few years
Have taught me
Feelings aren’t shit anyway
Blackout
I
don’t
want
to feel
better
I
don’t
want
to feel
at all
(Originally Posted 21.04.2020)
Life will never be linear
He said
The path won’t always be straight
The trick is to just hold on
He said
And try your best to navigate
Trauma
But
you
were
doing
so well
He
said
I
don’t
quite
understand
Coming
back
from
hell
She
said
Doesn’t
always
go to
plan
(Originally Posted 20.04.2020)
You lived to see another day
He said
Why aren’t you happy about that
Because I had made my choice
She said
And in the end my plan fell flat
Lifeline
The rubber ring
floats
towards me.
Thank you
for throwing
it down.
But I have
no desire
to grab it.
The rocks
in my pocket
are all
I need.
(Originally Posted 20.04.2019)
Perhaps
I’m not so bad
At this poetry lark
After all
Interlude
Time has dragged on today
Even more than most
It started off quite well too
Sitting down with tea and toast
But then the clock seemed to stop
At some point this afternoon
When opening up my laptop
Did nothing to lift the gloom
And as the evening drew itself in
I have sat here all alone
Thouroughly bored in my own skin
Barely stifling a groan
So now I guess I’ll go to bed
And lie there on my own
Until the clock stops in my head
And I dream in monochrome
(Originally Posted 20.04.2020)
A line once stolen
From a show on TV
Reworked and rewritten
Now belongs to me
Transgressions
In the beginning
I would always try
To be as honest as I could be
But in the end I fell
So far from the truth
That the line was a dot to me
(Originally Posted 19.04.2021)
Although there is
A lot to be said
For these stream of consciousness pieces
There is a case to be made
For punctuation
As the ability to breathe decreases
Haste Ye Back
Something tells me this won’t be our last as you realise you want me and return so fast to where my arms do so openly await as we slowly allow that twist of fate to keep us ensconced together forever come hell or high water whatever the weather as the love we make is all we need for our hearts to open and minds to be freed
(Originally Posted 19.04.2020)
OK, perhaps not quite meaningless
But certainly everything changed
And though life now may be
Somewhat better for me
That numbness has definitely remained
All Surface, No Meaning
When you died,
My world stopped turning.
When you took your last breath,
My life became meaningless.
As the ongoing battle towards my own death continues,
I’m numb to everything and everyone.
I trudge along…
Feigning my interest,
Forging my desire,
Faking my love.
(Originally Posted 18.04.2019)
Oh isn’t young love a dream
Isn’t it so fucking cute
Like a cat who got all the cream
Reading this, I want to puke
Favourites
Tell me your favourite song
And I’ll play it.
Show me your favourite book
And I’ll read it.
Tell me your favourite film
And I’ll watch it.
Show me your favourite shirt
And I’ll wear it.
Tell me I’m your favourite
And I’ll love you.
Forever.
(Originally Posted 18.04.2019)
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 
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