"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
Nearly nineteen years of my life
That’s what you had when you were alive
And now three years on
Since you’ve been gone
It still feels like me who died
The Debt Collector
You’ve
stolen
my life
from me
In
oh so
many
ways
It may well
have been
you that
died
But
I’m
the one
who pays
(Originally Posted 17.03.2020)
God, I remember that night so well
Along with the guilt that ensued
It took quite a while
To realise my smile
Didn’t leave his memory devalued
Open Ending
It was nice talking to you last night.
I forgot, for a moment, that my heart is broken.
It felt good to laugh, to smile, to dance.
It’s been a while since I did those things.
I’m happy we randomly met, but I’m also glad you left when you did.
Now I have the memory of our open ending, to help mend my grieving heart.
(Originally Posted 17.03.2019)
It still fucking hurts
Lies
It gets better with time
(Originally Posted 17.03.2020)
I told you they’d quiten down
He said
That you just had to give it time
The reason I don’t hear them
She said
Is because now they tend to mime
Psycho(tic) Babble
It’s
past
midnight
again
And
still
I’m not
in bed
When will
they stop
driving
me insane
These
voices
inside
my head?
(Originally Posted 16.03.2020)
I am still amazed
To this day
That anyone continues reading
Who knew there could be
Such a community
For those with hearts that are bleeding
Nobody’s Hero
Please
take no
notice
of me
For I’m
as fucked
as anyone
can be
So don’t
let what
I write
enthrall
As they
are just
words,
after all
(Originally Posted 16.03.2020)
When I was at
My lowest ebb
It was you who was there
For me
You’ll never know
How much you did
To help my heart
Run free
Hope
Your words help guide my wayward step
And shine light in to my darkened heart
Your smile breaks my fall to the kitchen floor
And stems the tears from my haunted eyes
Your touch quietens the incessant voice in my head
And replenishes my embittered soul
You allow me to believe that love might be possible again
One day
(Originally Posted 16.03.2019)
I definitely laugh more now
She said
I feel like that
Is damn good progress
I would tend to agree with you
He said
If it didn’t hinge
On my joke telling prowess
‘Laughing At Bad Jokes’
Seriously
He said
That was funny
Can’t you just crack a smile?
Wait a minute
She said
While I remember how
As it’s honestly been a while
(Originally Posted 15.03.20)
I never did thank you
For teaching me
How to respond
To insincerity
I have never been happier
Than the day I realised
That sealing up
Your crypt for good
Meant you would die inside
Grief Vampire
Paltry, trite sentiment
Faux hurt and pain
Superficial, artificial compassion
Feigned sadness and tears
You’ve got no fucking idea
How this really feels
Just piss off back to your crypt
And leave me in peace
(Originally Posted 15.03.2019)
I took the easier route,
In the end,
And just sold the car
Country Roads
I should stop driving
So late at night
Especially
On country roads
It is far too tempting
Not to press the brake
And it’s not like
I’m afraid of the dark…
(Originally Posted 15.03.2019)
I have since toiled
Without that guide
Pasting my heart
With water and flour
I just have to hope
It continues to hold
Though it’s looking less likely
By the hour
My Heart
My heart is smashed into a thousand tiny pieces.
I don’t have the glue to put it back together.
And I lost the instruction manual years ago.
(Originally Posted 14.03.2019)
It doesn’t seem to matter
Who tries to talk me up
I cannot ever escape the feeling
That I am a total fuck up
It started when I was young
When I was told I was a peice of shit
That I’d never amount to anything
Despite whatever it was I did
Even into adulthood
That was always on my mind
Although I have since met people
Who are all supportive and kind
But now as I stand here
At another fork in my life’s tale
I just wish I could believe them
Instead of those who convinced me I’d fail
Flightless Bird
If only
I believed
you
Things
would be
so different
If only I
was who
you see
Life
could be
magnificent
(Originally Posted 14.03.2020)
I felt like this
To begin with
When I still thought I could move on
But now I know
How fucking hard that is
I wish it was me that had gone
Who Goes First
It’s better that I’m living without you
Rather than you living without me
You’d never cope with this pain
It has wrecked me
But it would have destroyed you
And I would have hated that
(Originally Posted 14.03.2019)
He had a lucky escape
To be fair
Passing Notes in Class 6GA
I think we should stop seeing each other.
I can’t stop thinking that something is going to go wrong and we are going to get found out. I feel so much guilt about what we’ve been doing – it’s not fair on her, you or me. It’s not right that we have to keep our relationship a secret. It means I cannot let you get close to me and you deserve more than that. You need someone who can show off what a brilliant guy you are. Not someone who has to hide you away. Like me.
I want you to know that the times we have shared have been really special to me. I’ve enjoyed every second I’ve spent with you and that’s what makes this so much harder. But it has to be done. Although it kills me to say it: we cannot carry on. I love you with all my heart but putting an end to this now will be the best thing for us both in the long run.
I’ll never forget our time together. I’ll treasure the memories of our clandestine meetings forever.
Please don’t forget me. I know I’ll never forget you.
I’m sorry.
(Originally Posted 13.03.2019)
It all goes back
To that one day
When you stole
My childhood away
Getting Your End Away
If I
hadn’t
been so
confused,
then.
I
wouldn’t
feel so
used,
now.
(Originally Posted 12.03.2020)
I wasn’t really
Truthful here
There were others
Who also cried
But no one else
Ever came close
To feeling what I did
When he died
The Only One
You said I was the only one who made you laugh.
You said I was the only one who made you cry.
You said I was the only one who made you feel safe.
You said I was the only one who you could trust.
You said I was the only one who made you feel special.
You said I was the only one who mattered.
You said I was the only one who taught you patience.
You said I was the only one who taught you to be happy.
You said I was the only one who taught you to love.
Then you left.
And I was the only one who cried.
(Originally Posted 12.03.2019)
Yet another based in fact,
This one,
From a past life indescretion
Thank fuck I found,
In the end,
Less painful forms of expression
Conflicting Stories
I gave you everything I could
He said
Even if you don’t remember it
You gave me hell, heartbreak and hepatitis
She said
And your dope was shit
(Originally Posted 11.3.2021)
In a parallel life somewhere
In another space and time
Things would be very different
And you would still be mine
Different Hymn Sheets
Shall
we
just
stay
here
She
said
And be
happy
forever
more?
I
don’t
think
I can
He
said
For
there’s
another
I love
more
(Originally Posted 10.3.2020)
I remember this
Only too well
Wandering around
In a daze
Living life
On autopilot
Trying to navigate
The maze
That conflict inside me
Never stopped
I still feel it
To this day
It’s just easier now
To do what I can
And to push the cannot
Away
I Can / I Cannot
I can forever buy token things,
But I cannot answer my phone if it rings.
I can try to plug the cavernous gap,
But I cannot avoid that same old trap.
I can seek out frames for your daft wee photos,
But I cannot keep all of your old clothes.
I can find different ways to while away the hours,
But I cannot keep watering those dead flowers.
I can pray today will be warm and sunny,
But I cannot walk around and pretend to be funny.
I can look for answers in the cold grey sky,
But I cannot continue to painfully cry.
I can avoid scenes of actual violence,
But I cannot ensure my wilful silence.
I can try with all I have to get myself through,
But I cannot ever stop myself from loving you.
(Originally Posted 10.3.2019)
Tomorrow didn’t come
Back then
Which I’m sure
Made some people happy
But it’s still an option
That I keep in mind
For when life, once again,
Turns crappy
The Bridge
Today, I choose not to jump.
Tomorrow, who knows.
I am already on the edge…
(Originally Posted 09.03.19)
We may not have spoken
For three years now
All since I cut you
Out of my life
But please believe me
When I say
That my anger
Still runs rife
Slow Clap
Well done you
Seriously
I really am
So pleased
That’s another
Innocent person
You have brought
To their knees
You’ve achieved
Legendary status
To that
We can all attest
For when it comes
To fucking people up
You really
Are the best
(Originally Posted 09.03.2020)
I love how this one
Makes me sound
Like a player extraordinaire
When really I’d rather
Read a book
Than have my legs in the air
Bluntly
Do you believe in soulmates
He asked
As he lay back in the bed
No
She said, bluntly
Now can we just fuck instead
(Originally Posted 08.03.2021)
It is becoming ever clearer
That I’ve spent too long
In amongst the mundane
Now enough time has passed
With me being downcast
And I want that high life again
The Train Home
Why
can’t
it be
like that
all the
time
Talking,
laughing
and
drinking
wine
It
always
feels
like
such a
crime
When I
have to
return
to this
life of
mine
(Originally Posted 08.03.2020)
Patrick James ‘Judas’ Brady
Oh what can I say about you
One of the first boys I ever loved
That is most certainly true
We only had one night together
And you returned from whence you came
But after our briefest of interludes
I never saw cricket the same way again
Random #8
Sitting on a wall with Judas dressed in cricket whites
I guess we’ll never know
(Originally Posted 07.03.2019)
It’s funny to look back now
And see when this was written
Only three short weeks before
The first lockdown in Britain
Who’d have known how much I’d rue
Those days when I couldn’t be arsed
As I’d hardly leave the house again
Until the following March
Pre Booked Fun
Are you
sure I
have to
come out
tonight
As I
really
can’t
be
arsed
Apart
from
anything
my face is
a fright
And the
will
to get
dressed
is sparse
(Originally Posted 07.03.2020)
It never did sit right with me
That night when I led him on
Not only was I embarrassed
But all my principles had gone
I could’ve just blamed the vodka
Or the fact that he was a flirt
But if I’m honest
I’d become a chauvinist
And had stopped caring who I hurt
Embarrassment
I didn’t think
I could fuck things up
Any more if I tried
But then I got drunk
And kissed you back
And now I want to die
(Originally Posted 06.03.2021)
And still your agony continues
In difference to me
She continues to linger on
Whilst he’s already been set free
Foreboding
It’s all just so wrong
This shouldn’t be happening to you
Not as it hasn’t been that long
Since it happened to me too
I’m not sure how to act
And I’m not sure what to say
For there’s nothing that can take the pain
Of what’s to come away
(Originally Posted 06.03.2020)
How much could I get for it
He said
I know it’s pretty thin
Fuck all I’m afraid, mate
He said
You’re better throwing it in the bin
Cheapskate
You may as well keep the ring
He said
I’ve got no use for it
I’d rather keep my dignity
She said
Than this worthless piece of shit
(Originally Posted 05.03.2021)
Not much to add to this one
As of it I am quite proud
All I will say
Is like the play
It’s best if you read it out loud
A Modern Day Soliloquy
To text,
Or not to text:
That is the question:
Whether ’tis best just to disappear or perhaps
Continue this same conversation with you,
On a face to face and in person basis,
And by doing so end us.
(Originally Posted 05.03.2020)
Just for that one
Moment in time
I thought, perhaps,
That I had won
But then I saw you
Holding her hand
And I knew then
That we were done
Across The Table
I love how you know,
To hold my hand,
Just by the croak in my voice.
I am so grateful,
That you understand,
Just how much I need that choice.
Feeling that you’re there,
And how much you care,
Means everything you see.
But not forcing me to speak,
When you sense I’m weak,
Is why you’re the one for me.
(Originally Posted 04.03.2020)
I don’t remember who wrote this
But I can see that she was sad
Understandable, to be fair,
As she’d lost everything she had
2am
I am broken
I am hurt
Words unspoken
Emotion curt
I am sad
I am wrong
Mind mad
Tears throng
I am tired
I am lonely
Memories mired
Despair only
I am weak
I am frail
Burning cheek
Limbs fail
I am down
I am done
Brows frown
Love gone
(Originally posted 04.03.2019)
Just a month or so ago
Sitting here alone
I took a notion to Google
That place we once called home
And there in the depths of YouTube
I found a stylish video tour
Filmed by an estate agent, apparently
As part of their brochure
I sobbed as I watched the camera
Pan from room to room
All of those happy memories
Now bathed in brokenhearted gloom
And yet I am so thankful
That such a thing does exist
As a peice of our history digitised
Is such a wonderful gift
G42
Was it really
The best of times?
Or was it just
The worst?
I’ve got nae idea, pal
Ma heid’s fuckin’ burst
(Originally Posted 03.02.2020)
Nobody ever did throw that lifeline
So I learned to swim on my own
It was better that way
Than to wait for the day
When I wouldn’t be alone
Loving You…
Feels like I’ve been thrown
Into the loch
The freezing water
Sucking me down
With no one on land
To throw me a lifeline
(Originally posted 03.03.2019)
If only it took
Just a wee bit of cheese
To give my heart
A playful squeeze
Yet to succeed
Requires further endeavour
As I have no desire
(For cheese or otherwise)
What so fucking ever
Middle Class Wooing
Don’t
bother
picking
flowers
They
will just
make me
sneeze
If you
really
want to
impress me
Just
bring
a wheel
of cheese
For an
‘expensive’
bottle
of wine
And a
little
bit of
Brie
Is
really
all it
takes
To get
into
bed
with me
(Originally Posted 02.03.2020)
As my head spun round
And the thunderbolt struck
I couldn’t help but think
If only I’d ducked
Pubs, Clubs & Other Establishments
It is strange.
You are told that when these things happen, you’ll just know.
You won’t be able to catch your breath,
your stomach will be in knots
and a thunderbolt will fly through the sky.
But it doesn’t … it didn’t.
It is strange.
It is not that you are particularly handsome – you are not.
But it’s the way you make me feel.
You make me laugh.
You make me smile.
I look forward to seeing you.
I look forward to you coming to see me.
But I know there is no future in it.
It will not go anywhere.
I want the thunderbolt.
I need it.
(Originally Posted 02.03.2019)
This may have been posted
In 2019
But it was written long ago
In the back of a French class
As I recall
Looking out into the snow
Je Suis Morte
I’ve been here so many, many times before
I’m just fucking bored now.
Bored with the fucking lot of it.
It’s pointless now.
Not that there ever was a point, obviously.
Je Suis Morte.
I Fucking Wish.
(Originally Posted 02.03.2019)
Indeed she did
And she did it well
Or so some people said
Yet somehow now
Three years on
She’s still fucked in the head
The Beginning
‘Don’t be afraid to start poorly’
The kind man wrote
‘I will try’
The sad woman replied
And she did
(Originally Posted 01.03.2019)
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 