Category: Coping

Hand Luggage

This weight
is too heavy

Its burden
is too great

Yet I struggle
on regardless

Resigned
to my fate

0

Careless

Waking up to find that,
once again,
I’ve lost my mind
at some point
during the night…

0

No Air

It’s too hot to think
as I sit here on the brink
of yet another nervous breakdown…

4

I Already Know

I already
know I’m
a piece
of shit

I don’t
need you
to remind
me of it

I already
know I’m
a bitter
old crone

I don’t need
you pointing
out that I’ll
forever be alone

I already
know my
cuts are
too deep

I don’t
need you
to watch
them weep

I already
know that
I’m dead
inside

I don’t need
you telling me
there’s nowhere
left to hide

4

Wednesday 11am (Pt 2)

So I managed,
in the end,
to get out of bed

And it’s been a
shitty day so far,
just as I said

So I was right,
I should never
have tried

For I’ll never
escape this
pain inside

5

Wednesday 2.30am (Pt 1)

I can’t even
bear the thought
of what’s to
come tomorrow

No doubt
it’ll just
be more misery
and sorrow

Perhaps I’d
be better
off staying
in bed

Then I might
just escape
these thoughts
in my head

3

Down By The River

It’s so peaceful here.

Quiet. Serene.

If only the incessant chatter in my head would quieten down,

I might just be able to enjoy it.

0

Apologies

I’m sorry I act like I don’t care,

I’m sorry it seems like I’m rarely there.

I’m sorry it looks like I don’t even try,

I’m sorry that you’ve never see me cry.

I’m sorry I never appear in a hurry,

I’m sorry I always make you worry.

I’m sorry I can’t be who you want me to be.

But most of all I’m just sorry for being me.

4

The Reverse

I’ve never felt happiness,
I don’t know what it is.

I’ve never seen happiness
But I’m sure that it’s not this.

0

Night Terrors (Part 1)

I sense you,
stalking me from behind.
I won’t let you win.

I see you,
prowling outside my window.
I won’t let you in.

I hear you,
scratching at my door.
I won’t let you win.

I feel you,
gnawing on my bones.
How did you get in?

0

Living with Hypochondria

There is something wrong with me.
I just know it.
I don't feel right.
I haven't for sometime now.
I don't know what it is.

I get headaches. 
Crushing, pounding headaches.
Cannot finish cigarettes, 
because of the headaches.

I'm always itching,
Skin crawling.
Can't stay in one position for too long,
 as my bones ache.
Sickness burns in my stomach,
constantly queasy.
My sleep patterns are disturbed.

I have bruises on my arms and legs, 
Lumps and bumps everywhere.
I feel dizzy all the time, 
Stumbling when I walk. 
I cannot concentrate my mind.
My own wheeze wakes me up. 

There is something wrong with me.
I just know it.
I don't feel right.
I haven't for sometime now.
I don't know what it is.

But there's no way I can see a doctor. 
I'm too scared for that.
They might just confirm I'm really ill,
after all...

6

Insanity

Upon making the journey,
to the furthest corners
of my mind,
it occurs to me.

What if I can’t remember
the way back?

0

Out

The days march on,
But I trail behind.
Out of step,
Out of place,
Out of time.
0

Travel

It doesn’t matter where in the world you go.

How beautiful the country you visit,

How fascinating the people you meet,

How much booze you drink.

You can’t run away from your thoughts.

You might have a different view from your window but your soul will remain as black as the night sky and, beneath it all, you’ll still be the same fuck up you always were.

Travel solves nothing.

0

Alphabet Heart

Atrophied. Abandoned.
Bleak. Barren.
Crumpled. Cracked.
Dark. Dank.
Embittered. Enraged.
Failed. Forgotten.
Garotted. Gutted.
Hateful. Haunted.
Indignant. Idle.
Jagged. Jaded.
Knocked. Knotted.
Longing. Lost.
Maudlin. Morose.
Nightmarish. Numb.
Obstructed. Obliterated.
Paralysed. Prone.
Quiet. Queasy.
Rotten. Ravaged.
Stolen. Shattered.
Traumatised. Tainted.
Unloveable. Undone.
Violated. Vanquished.
Weeping. Wasted.
Xxx
Yearning. Yawning.
Zero.
0

The Meaning of Life

Half laughing at some shit joke

Badly told by some prick you can't stand

One eye trained on the nearest exit

But too scared to take your hand

And run

 

2

Go

Maybe it would be for the best if I left
Just got the fuck out of here for good 

Let's face it, I could

I have no responsibilities
I have no commitments
I have nothing

And it's not like anyone wants me to stay anyway
0

Mild Peril

I trace those old scars with my finger
I remember the fleeting pain
And the lasting relief

I never told anyone

I hope I'm not about to re-open old wounds

Literally
0

Random #11

Sticks and stones definitely break bones
And words have always fucking hurt

Stop feeding your kids this bullshit

It only makes things worse
0

The Bridge

Today, I choose not to jump.

Tomorrow, who knows.

I am already standing too close to the edge…

 

0

Random #9

What I wouldn’t give to be creative
and be able to express it.

What I wouldn’t give
isn’t worth knowing about.

1

‘Of Course…’

There was, of course, a time 
when I wouldn't let this happen.
There was, of course, a time 
when I'd have pulled myself out of this
mess and just got on with it.

But not now.
Now I feel different.
I've lost the need, the sense of urgency.
I'm not even worried if it doesn't come back.
I've given up hoping it will any more.

Although I know I can't carry on like this.
And honestly, I don't want to.
To get out of this shithole I've got to work.

And there is, of course, only so much daytime TV 
you can watch.

 

0

I(d)

Who knows why I do these things.
Even I don't know why I do these things!
I know they are stupid, pathetic and immature.
And yet I still do them.

I ruin peoples lives.
I fuck up people's lives because my life is fucked up too.
It's like a revenge I love to wreak, but feel guilty about, 
later. When it's over.

I just don't understand myself.
I make these things happen.
I lure people into my trap, spit them out 
and then ignore the consequences.
Sometimes I wonder why I drink too much, smoke too much
and delve into substance abuse...

It's to cheat myself from the truth.

I am a fuck up.
I am a fuck up who fucks up other people's lives,
just for the fucking sake of it.

You have no idea how bored I have become.
Of fucking that is.

2

Up ↑