So it’s
off to
the land
of no
return
Where
shadows
loom and
nightmares
burn
Where
evil
rules and
darkness
creeps
Where
lost souls
lurk and
happiness
sleeps
"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
So it’s
off to
the land
of no
return
Where
shadows
loom and
nightmares
burn
Where
evil
rules and
darkness
creeps
Where
lost souls
lurk and
happiness
sleeps
When I heard
the black dog
barking outside
I knew I had
nowhere left
to hide
When I heard
the black dog
at my door
I knew I didn’t
have the strength
to fight anymore
Now I hear
the black dog
on my shoulder
All I feel
is relief
that it’s over
What’s the
point in
going to bed
With all
this shit
inside my head
It’s not
like I’ll be
allowed to rest
With this
sickness deep
inside my chest
Sickness grows
Frustration shows
Conversation slows
But no one knows
I got
bored of
this shit
a long
time agoThese
endless
tales of
sadness
and woeWith eyes
that burn
from the
tears that
flowI loathe
myself
more than
you’ll
ever know
I lie
in your bed
and I lie
to your face.I am
a public fraud
and a private
disgrace.
All happiness
is fleeting
All sadness
is depleting
I’m no
longer competing
From sanity
I’m retreating
The older I get
The more I realise
I never wanted to be here
In the first place
This weight
is too heavyIts burden
is too greatYet I struggle
on regardlessResigned
to my fate
Waking up to find that,
once again,
I’ve lost my mind
at some point
during the night…
It’s too hot to think
as I sit here on the brink
of yet another nervous breakdown…
I already
know I’m
a piece
of shit
I don’t
need you
to remind
me of it
I already
know I’m
a bitter
old crone
I don’t need
you pointing
out that I’ll
forever be alone
I already
know my
cuts are
too deep
I don’t
need you
to watch
them weep
I already
know that
I’m dead
inside
I don’t need
you telling me
there’s nowhere
left to hide
So I managed,
in the end,
to get out of bed
And it’s been a
shitty day so far,
just as I said
So I was right,
I should never
have tried
For I’ll never
escape this
pain inside
I can’t even
bear the thought
of what’s to
come tomorrow
No doubt
it’ll just
be more misery
and sorrow
Perhaps I’d
be better
off staying
in bed
Then I might
just escape
these thoughts
in my head
It’s so peaceful here.
Quiet. Serene.
If only the incessant chatter in my head would quieten down,
I might just be able to enjoy it.
I’m sorry I act like I don’t care,
I’m sorry it seems like I’m rarely there.
I’m sorry it looks like I don’t even try,
I’m sorry that you’ve never see me cry.
I’m sorry I never appear in a hurry,
I’m sorry I always make you worry.
I’m sorry I can’t be who you want me to be.
But most of all I’m just sorry for being me.
Batter me,
Shatter me,I don’t matter, me.
Clatter me,
Scatter me,I just don’t matter, me.
I’ve never felt happiness,
I don’t know what it is.I’ve never seen happiness
But I’m sure that it’s not this.
It doesn’t matter how loud the people are around me,
They can never drown out the voices inside my head.
I sense you,
stalking me from behind.
I won’t let you win.
I see you,
prowling outside my window.
I won’t let you in.
I hear you,
scratching at my door.
I won’t let you win.
I feel you,
gnawing on my bones.
How did you get in?
There is something wrong with me.
I just know it.
I don't feel right.
I haven't for sometime now.
I don't know what it is.
I get headaches.
Crushing, pounding headaches.
Cannot finish cigarettes,
because of the headaches.
I'm always itching,
Skin crawling.
Can't stay in one position for too long,
as my bones ache.
Sickness burns in my stomach,
constantly queasy.
My sleep patterns are disturbed.
I have bruises on my arms and legs,
Lumps and bumps everywhere.
I feel dizzy all the time,
Stumbling when I walk.
I cannot concentrate my mind.
My own wheeze wakes me up.
There is something wrong with me.
I just know it.
I don't feel right.
I haven't for sometime now.
I don't know what it is.
But there's no way I can see a doctor.
I'm too scared for that.
They might just confirm I'm really ill,
after all...
Upon making the journey,
to the furthest corners
of my mind,
it occurs to me.
What if I can’t remember
the way back?
The days march on,
But I trail behind.
Out of step,
Out of place,
Out of time.
It doesn’t matter where in the world you go.
How beautiful the country you visit,
How fascinating the people you meet,
How much booze you drink.
You can’t run away from your thoughts.
You might have a different view from your window but your soul will remain as black as the night sky and, beneath it all, you’ll still be the same fuck up you always were.
Travel solves nothing.
Atrophied. Abandoned.
Bleak. Barren.
Crumpled. Cracked.
Dark. Dank.
Embittered. Enraged.
Failed. Forgotten.
Garotted. Gutted.
Hateful. Haunted.
Indignant. Idle.
Jagged. Jaded.
Knocked. Knotted.
Longing. Lost.
Maudlin. Morose.
Nightmarish. Numb.
Obstructed. Obliterated.
Paralysed. Prone.
Quiet. Queasy.
Rotten. Ravaged.
Stolen. Shattered.
Traumatised. Tainted.
Unloveable. Undone.
Violated. Vanquished.
Weeping. Wasted.
Xxx
Yearning. Yawning.
Zero.
Half laughing at some shit joke
Badly told by some prick you can't stand
One eye trained on the nearest exit
But too scared to take your hand
And run
I feel sick.
Constantly.
Maybe it would be for the best if I left
Just got the fuck out of here for good
Let's face it, I could
I have no responsibilities
I have no commitments
I have nothing
And it's not like anyone wants me to stay anyway
I trace those old scars with my finger
I remember the fleeting pain
And the lasting relief
I never told anyone
I hope I'm not about to re-open old wounds
Literally
Sticks and stones definitely break bones
And words have always fucking hurt
Stop feeding your kids this bullshit
It only makes things worse
Today, I choose not to jump.
Tomorrow, who knows.
I am already standing too close to the edge…
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