How It Manifests

It isn’t just restricting

That should raise a red flag

Sometimes when you’re binging

It can be just as bad

Once More For The Cheap Seats

If
only
I was
wasting
away

Maybe
it would
be easier
to explain

Why my
heart is
broken and
my tongue
is tied

And
I live
each day
in pain

(Originally Posted 20.05.2020)

4

I Can Still Hear Her Now

I’m not drunk

She says

It’s all in your head

I know you’re lying

She says

I’ve seen under your bed

Mother’s Ruin

As
the rot
starts
to set
in

I
pour
myself
another
gin

To
silence
the pain
in my
head

As
the
thoughts
seem to
shift

My
mood
starts
to
lift

And
I can
finally
get out
of bed

(Originally Posted 20.05.2020)

2

Rhyme 101

I was obviously aiming

For something highbrow

Yet I fear this one

Misses the mark somehow

I’ve gotten better, I hope,

And developed this skill

So these words I can now

Consign to landfill

Underground

As
sinister
shadows
loom,
I
see
my
tomb.

Through
the
gloom,
my
dreams
resume.

(Originally Posted 20.05.2019)

2

The Residential Unit

I said this out loud

Believe it or not

Once, in a hospital

That time forgot

Back then I was sick

And definitely tired

As all my issues

Felt pretty hard wired

The poor therapist

Didn’t know where to look

As she scribbled about me

In her hard backed book

The room fell silent

Apart from one boy

Who looked up and smiled

And I jumped for joy

Someone finally understood me

Somebody else felt my pain

So we went and smoked cigarettes

Until group therapy started again

Group Therapy

I’m
glad
you
find
it
helpful

But I
certainly
do not

What’s
the
point
in
telling
tales

When
you’ve
already
lost
the
plot?

(Originally Posted 19.05.2020)

14

One Trick Pony

Can’t you change things up

He said

All you do is bitch and whine

I honestly would if I could

She said

As I bore myself half the time

Myself

Why can’t I trust myself,
like I trusted you?

Why can’t I protect myself,
like I protected you?

Why can’t I love myself,
like I loved you?

Why?

(Originally Posted 19.05.2019)

2

At His Hands

Sometimes

The words I use

Are not deliberately explicit

Sometimes

The words I choose

Are inherently implicit

Overpowered

It is
not
only
my
heart
that
bleeds

As
you
take
care
of
your
own
needs

(Originally Posted 18.05.2020)

6

Oscillating

I’d still rather have you

Both ways

Than to never have had you

At all

The Past

Some days
it’s easy
to remember
you

Some days
it’s hard
to forget
you

Some days
I don’t want
to remember
you

Some days
I never want
to forget
you

(Originally Posted 18.05.2019)

4

Harder Than It Looks

My only haiku

A skill I do not possess

Best not try again

Searching For A Haiku

Out walking alone

Serotonin in winter

Remains elusive

(Originally Posted 17.05.2021)

26

Seeing Stars

As my cuts bleed

I beg and plead

That this pain

Will be my last

Internal Bleeding

Words
can’t
explain

This
eternal
ache

It
hurts
so much

When
I’m
awake

(Originally Posted 17.05.2020)

7

How Times Change

I guess I was re-watching

One of those films from my youth

As I was reminded

That for romance now

I am too long in the tooth

It’s Way More Than 10…

It’s the little things

That I hate

And the big things too

In fact there isn’t anything

That I actually like about you

(Originally Posted 16.05.2021)

4

Eat Sleep Shit Repeat

Like a constant stream

From the mouth that feeds

Life has me bound

And on my knees

Never-Ending

Another minute

Another hour

Another day

Another shower

Of shite

(Originally Posted 16.05.2020)

5

Random #200

‘People disappoint.

Pizza is eternal.’

– Unknown

‘I’ll Be There For You…’

They
claim
that you’re
not on
your
own

But
it
certainly
feels
like
it

Over
time
they
will all
fade
away

While
you’re
still
wading
through
shit

(Originally Posted 15.05.2020)

6

‘Standing On The Edge…’

There must be something to live for

He said

Just one reason to stick around

If there is then I can’t see it

She said

Those bastards have ground me down

Please

If this

Is all there is

Then who are you

To tell me no?

You have no idea

How hard this is

So please,

Just let me go

(Originally Posted 15.05.2019)

0

God, I’m Good

Nearly two and a half

Thousand posts

And yet I can still

Surprise myself

Perhaps poetry

Is my future, actually,

So I shouldn’t just leave it

On the shelf

Circling

Like
vultures

Eyeing up
the bones

Of those who
went before us

Now rotting
on the stones

(Originally Posted 14.05.2020)

20

Wow Part #4

I can tell

That there are posts

I’ve written to please

An audience

But there are a few

That make me freeze

As the pain I was in

Is obvious

It’s The Small Things That Hurt The Most

How long does it take

To reach for one mug

Or only set out one plate

To programme the heating

To click on at six

Instead of doing it myself at eight

To only buy

One pint of milk

Or get one lottery ticket

To stop saying hello

As I enter the house

Because you

Are no longer in it

(Originally Posted 14.05.2020)

4

The Flip Side

If it’s not monsters

It’s mermaids

As that’s how it is manic depression

Life is laborious

Or it’s glorious

With very little in the way of progression

Monsters

They are always there,
Gnawing away at my brain.

One day I will kill them,
And I shall smile again.

(Originally Posted 14.05.2019)

15

Based On Real Events

Eating a sandwich

Outside one day

Someone shouted this

In a jokey way

I snapped back with the truth

And needless to say

They shut the fuck up

And walked away

Lost In Thought

“Cheer up, love!

You don’t know,
it might never happen.”

“I do
and it did.

So piss off.”

(Originally Posted 14.05.2019)

4

Tongue In Cheek

This actually sounds quite spicy

When I read it back

It looks like I meant

A ménage à trois

But I assure you

It wasn’t that

When I wrote

About ‘us two’

I was trying to state a fact

There wasn’t another person

Pining

It was just me and the cat

‘Sleepy Time’

Lying here

Just us two

Isn’t the same

Without you

Xxx

(Originally Posted 13.05.2020)

32

‘Coming Apart Yet Still Not Done’

Only a year ago

This one

And still no better than when I started

Sometimes I fear

There’ll never be an end

To feeling so broken hearted

The End Of The Road

Pretending gets tiring

After a while

So in the end you stop

With no cylinders left firing

And an inibility to smile

It’s back up to that rooftop

(Originally Posted 13.05.2021)

2

A Good Idea At The Time

If only we hadn’t done it

If only we’d just stayed friends

I would still have you

To help me through

And this wouldn’t be the end

Our (Companion)Ship Has Sailed

Time
was
you
would
comfort
me

And
things
would
be just
fine

But
now it’s
much
too late
for that

As
we
both
crossed
the line

(Originally Posted 12.05.2020)

4

‘Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps’

You didn’t give me

An answer then

And I doubt that you could now

But that doesn’t mean

I’m not still wondering

If one day you will, somehow

The Hardest Question Of All

If
it’s
not you

And
it isn’t
not me

Then who
the fuck

Is it
supposed
to be?

(Originally Posted 12.05.2020)

0

The Protestant Work Ethic

All I am

Is hollow inside

What I once had is gone

You’ve bled me dry

Time after time

So now we’re officially done

‘I Have Nothing’

Whatever it is you expect,
I do not have it to give.

As

Whatever it is you want,
I lost it long ago.

(Originally Posted 12.05.2019)

2

A Thousand More

There’s nothing much

To add to this

Little else

That I can write

As the grief I felt

When you left

Will remain with me

For life

Xxx

A Thousand Years

Honestly,
I could wait
for a
thousand years
and it
would still
be too tough.

Honestly,
I could sleep
for a
thousand years
and it
would never
be enough.

Honestly,
I could cry
for a
thousand years
and it
would still
hurt too much.

(Originally Posted 11.5.2019)

2

‘I’ll Take All The Blame’

Not only did I fail myself

But I also failed you too

I hope one day

You’ll forgive me

For everything I didn’t do

Xxx

Failure

I pride myself on my planning

I write lists day after day

I schedule my time wisely

So that nothing gets in the way

I prepare for every eventuality

Without a pause for breath

But the one thing I didn’t account for

Was your untimely death

Xxx

(Originally Posted 10.05.2021)

3

Falling Short

The reality

That is me

Rarely lives up

To the promise

That is why

I will always hide

If I am

Brutally honest

Fervour

I have written

All the words I need

Now I just have to press send

But as my finger hovers

I am scared

That our time together

Will end

(Originally Posted 10.05.2020)

2

Wow Part #3

It never ceases to amaze me

How blunt I was back then

It’s so clear to see

I wasn’t well, mentally,

When I read this one again

Another Day…

Another day of pretence dawns,

And my heart is full of dread.

Another chasm in my mind yawns,

And I wish that I was dead.

(Originally Posted 09.05.2019)

4

I Blame The Parents

The simple things in life

It seems

Are not for the likes of me

All I feel I deserve

It seems

Is pain and misery

Arcadia

Here
I am
again

Sitting
all
alone

I don’t
like this
anymore

I just
want to
go home

(Originally Posted 09.05.2020)

0

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