"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
I think I remember you,
she said,
I think we’ve met before.
Perhaps it was when I was young,
she said,
and before my heart was sore.
I don’t remember meeting,
he said,
although I really can’t be sure.
Why don’t you sit down,
he said,
and talk to me some more.
Not yet
but soon
she says,
as she makes her
way to the door
But when,
how soon
he asks
as he stares
at the floor
Not yet
but soon
she says,
as her head
is slowly bowed
But when,
how soon
he asks
will we
be allowed?
I’m still
nowhere
near the
same she
said
Something
inside me has
permanently
changed
I can no
longer
play
your game
she said
Unless a
new life
can be
arranged
Looking
up
to
the
sky
Tears
falling
as
I
cry
Asking
over
and
over
why
Will
you
forever
pass
me
by
You
deserve
lessI
deserve
moreWe’re both
fucked either waySo let’s
call it a draw
I got lost
in his eyes
when he spoke to me
and, for a moment,
I wondered what
it would be like
to hold his hand.I’m sorry.
My joy
is in your
weakness.
Your solace
is in my
pain.
Both
forever
destined,
To dance
together
in the rain.
Sometimes a
wander down
memory lane
is no bad
thing
So long
as you can
remember
your way
back
When I
think back
I realise
that I
lost myself
way before
I lost you
A
camera
snaps a
memory
Of a
single
moment
in time
I’m glad
there’s not
that many
of us
My
one time
partner
in crime
I don’t want
anyone to
see our
photographs
Because
our
memories
are mine
Death.
The ultimate break up.
I cannot
believe
after all
this time
I’m still
stuck in
your trap.Quietly
putting up
with your
bullshit and
listening
to all
your crap.If I have
to spend one
more minute
with you
I think
that I’ll
be sick.Never
before
have I
wasted my
time on
such an
arrogant
little prick.
You were keen to kidnap my kindness
and you were happy when you hijacked my heart.
You smiled when you stole my soul
and you laughed when you looted my life.
So why is it me that has been sentenced to life in this prison?
While you’re walking around out there scot-free?
Love me
or
loathe me
you’ll
never
escape me
so why
would you
even try?
Kiss me
or
kill me
you’ll
always
want me
so there’s
no use
in saying
goodbye.
You were
always so
terrified
that I
would leave.When,
after all
was said
and done,
I was the
only one
who stayed.
Why can’t I trust myself,
like I trusted you?Why can’t I protect myself,
like I protected you?Why can’t I love myself,
like I loved you?Why?
In a perfect world,
There is someone for everyone.
You meet each other.
You fall in love.
And you stay together,
Forever.
Ours, however, is a cruel world.
There is someone for everyone,
But you might never meet them.
You might never fall in love.
And you might not stay together,
Forever.
Because they might die,
Before you do.
Then, you’re fucked.
My body
decays
and
My mind
forgets
but
My heart
desires
and
My soul
awakens
When you died,
My world stopped turning.
When you took your last breath,
My life became meaningless.
As the ongoing battle towards my own death continues,
I’m numb to everything and everyone.
I trudge along…
Feigning my interest,
Forging my desire,
Faking my love.
Tell me your favourite song
And I’ll play it.
Show me your favourite book
And I’ll read it.
Tell me your favourite film
And I’ll watch it.
Show me your favourite shirt
And I’ll wear it.
Tell me I’m your favourite
And I’ll love you.
Forever.
If home
is where
the heart is,
then I’m
currently
of no
fixed abode.
One day
You might be somebody’s something
He said
But today
I am nobody’s nothing
She said
One day
Somebody might love you
He said
But today
Nobody does
She said
I
still think
about you
everyday
You
are the one
I will never
forget
I
am the one
you have already
forgotten
Out of everyone, I am happy for both of you the most.
I wish you love, health and happiness for the rest of your years together.
You deserve it.
My dreams have long since faded, but I hope I last long enough to see you make yours a reality.
I tried really hard today.
To laugh.
To be normal.
To forget.
And I managed, for a while.
But still I lie in bed here, freezing, hoping to go to sleep and dream of you.
You must try harder, he says.
Harder to smile,
Harder to laugh,
Harder to forgive,
Harder to forget,
Harder to live again,
Harder to love again.
You must try harder, he says.
I can’t, she whispers
I’m sorry.
Did I ever really know you at all, I wonder?
There was so much about you that I found fascinating.
Dark, brooding and mysterious.
Inexplicable in so many ways.
The expanse of your mind knew no bounds.
The depths of your heart the same.
You were so enchanting and intoxicating to me.
Such a fragile beauty.
I'm glad you didn't linger.
I'm thankful you didn't wither away.
I'm honoured I was with you, in those final moments.
Because I may never have really known you,
but I knew that look in your eyes.
I knew that grip of your hand.
I know my face was the last thing you saw.
You knew I was there, with you.
You knew I wouldn't leave.
You knew you were loved.
I still hear your key rattle in the door,
I still hear your footsteps across the floor.
I still hear your rubbish music playing,
I still hear your awesome temper fraying.
I still hear you impart your innate wisdom,
I still hear you berate with fierce criticism.
I still hear you sing your daft wee songs,
I still hear the bubble of your endless bongs.
I still hear you chew too loudly when you eat,
I still hear the thump of your heart beat.
I still hear your laugh and your wry chuckle,
I still hear your beloved belt unbuckle.
I still hear your enticing voice roar,
I still hear your thunderous snore.
I still hear your exasperated sigh,
I still hear your exhausted cry.
I Wish You Were,
Still Here.
I once said you were the most powerful man I knew
But you had to go and prove me wrong, didn't you?
xxx
Your words help guide my wayward step
and shine light in to my darkened heart
Your smile breaks my fall to the kitchen floor
and stems the tears in my haunted eyes
Your touch quietens the incessant voice in my head
and replenishes my embittered soul
You allow me to believe that love might be possible again
One day
It’s better that I’m living without you
Rather than you living without me
You’d never cope with this pain
It has wrecked me
But it would have destroyed you
And I would have hated that
It’s like you’ve been round at your pals house for the evening, and you’re going to call me in a minute to tell me you’re on the bus home…
But you never call…
Why did you leave me here?
Here alone to fend for myself?
Why couldn't you have stayed to comfort me through the years we both had left on this planet?
You were the only one who ever understood me.
You were the only one I could ever understand.
I loved you, I still love you,
but I can't ever forgive you for leaving me.
Discarding me like an expired bus pass.
That's all I was to you.
A ticket you used to transport you to your next destination.
We could have been so good together Jimmy, but you walked out on me.
And I'll never forgive you for that.
'Mum, Dad, a boy was killed tonight'.
We are so close but so far away
You are listening and so am I
You remember and so do I
If only things were different
But they never could be
No-one is that lucky
'It is what it is'
After all
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 