Triggered

They’re always there

Behind my eyes

Just waiting

For their time to pour

Anything and everything

Can set them free

With no reason why

Or even wherefore

I Won’t Forget

I still cry for him at night

You know

There’ll never be a time

I won’t

Just because you’re not here

To wipe away

My tears

Doesn’t mean

I don’t

Memorial Memories

It’s been two years since you left me

Sitting all alone in that church

Cold, confused and crying

So painfully in the lurch

But it’s not really his death you know,

That has been the most pernicious

It’s how the rest of you have chosen to be

So incredibly fucking malicious

Self Worth

I’d give you my heart,
But it’s not worth me trying

I’d give you my body,
But it’s not worth your touch

I’d give you my soul,
But it’s not worth my crying

I’d give you my life,
But it’s not worth very much

(Originally Posted 19.04.2019)

Poles Apart

I still cry myself to sleep

Not that you’d know

You selfish creep

You think because

We all lost him

That we both feel the same

But you’ve really got

No fucking clue

How I live each day in pain

A Different Coat

I cried for
hours this
morning

I found your
notebook in
my pocket

Now I’ve
started to
read it

I don’t
know how
to stop it

Questions from The Other Side

How do you
want me to feel?

Guilty for trying?
Because I am not.

Guilty for crying?
Because I am not.

Guilty for lying?
Because I am not.

Guilty for dying?
Because I am not.

Dreaming

Not only
did I
sleep
last night

I
also
dreamt
of you

I
woke
up
crying

With
my
insides
dying

Oh why
can’t my
dreams
come true?

The Fall

I am
unsure
how it
happened

And I
certainly
don’t
know why

There’s
nothing left
for me to
do now

But
just sit
around
and cry

Sunrise

I woke
up crying
again today

So much so
I struggled
to breathe

How much
longer must
I endure this?

When is
there an end
to this grief?

Speechless

There is so much
I want to tell you

So many things
I want to share

But my tears flow
all over again

When I realise
you’re not there

A Thousand Years

Honestly,
I could wait
for a
thousand years
and it
would still
be too tough.

Honestly,
I could sleep
for a
thousand years
and it
would never
be enough.

Honestly,
I could cry
for a
thousand years
and it
would still
hurt too much.

Grey Days

I love
walking
on grey days.

The raindrops
land on my face
and mingle with
my tears,

Hiding them
from prying
eyes.

Reminders

It’s when it comes from nowhere,
that’s the worst.

The hysterical sobs that hit without warning.

When I’m driving and our song comes on the radio.
When a letter arrives and it’s addressed to you.
When I find a pair of your socks in my drawer.

My throat constricts,
as my lungs compress.

My stomach lurches,
as my heart laments.

And my eyes burn as I drown, slowly, in my own tears.

Every Day

Still hoping,
Still waiting,
Still holding,
Still wanting.

Still thinking,
Still grieving,
Still trying,
Still giving.

Still caring,
Still feeling,
Still crying,
Still fighting.

Still breathing,
Still living,
Still believing,
Still loving.

Conflict

I laughed today.
Hard.
Tears ran down my face,
Dizziness overtook me as my muscles ached from the strain,
And I thought I’d never breathe deeply again.

I cried today.
Hard.
Tears ran down my face,
Dizziness overtook me as my muscles ached from the strain,
And I thought I’d never breathe deeply again.

As I soldier on,
as best I can,
the simultaneous existence
of conflicting emotions,
slowly kills me.

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