Tag: death

‘Don’t Fear The Reaper’

You appear to me in a way

That is beyond my cognition

Emerging slowly into the light

As a ghostly apparition

I hear you whisper softly

How it is now your mission

To close the void between us

And put an end to Deaths partition

Mausoleum

In
the
graveyard

Of
my
mind

Is
where
the
memories

Of
us
reside

So
when
I’m
alone

In
the
dead
of
night

I
walk
the
tombs

Of
our
love’s
plight

(Originally Posted 23.06.2020)

4

Only Traces Left

No matter how hard you strive

To keep a memory alive

They’re always forgotten

In the end

At All

I reach
for your hand,
but it’s not there,
and further into
the abyss
I fall.

I search
for your face,
but you don’t care,
and it’s like we
were never here
at all.

(Originally Posted 20.06.2019)

12

Us Word(Smiths)

It’s great you have a hobby

He said

Not one I share, I confess

Because writing isn’t a hobby

She said

It’s a matter of life or death

Vocabularians Of The World Unite

Vocabularians of the world unite

To put the wrongs of our world right

To give a voice to those too tired to fight

And into the darkness bring forth the light

(Originally Posted 18.06.2020)

6

‘No one sings like you anymore…’

I don’t think

It will matter

How much time

Continues to turn

This will

Forever

Be the case

That much

I have learned

Three Score And Ten

Some
days
it feels
like
forever

Others
it feels
like a
minute

But no
matter
how
much
time has
passed

Life is
still
shit
without
you
in it

Xxx

(Originally Posted 17.06.2020)

6

Random #210

‘If this world is wearing thin
And you’re thinking of escape
I’ll go anywhere with you
Just wrap me up in chains
But if you try to go alone
Don’t think I’ll understand…’

6

Random #209

‘Why are you so sarcastic all the time?’

‘Cause it stops me killing people – including myself’

– Tony

2

An Endless Cycle

I thought about you today.

Twice.

The first, when I sat and re-read this poem.

The second, when I tried to write a response.

It was only then I realised it has been nine hundred and twenty two days since you died.

And I remembered not just what I lost that day, but how much it still hurts now.

And I cried again today.

Twice.

The Corner of My Eye

I thought I saw you today.

Twice.

The first, when you were waiting to cross the road.

The second, when you were ahead of me in the queue at the post office.

It was only when you turned around, and I saw your face, that I realised it wasn’t you.

And I remembered, with a desperate ache, why it could never be you.

And I cried again today.

Twice.

(Originally Posted 10.06.2019)

6

Interred

If only it was

An abyss we shared

Rather than you long gone

And me ill-prepared

Captives

Was it you

Or was it me

Who soldiered on

Too blind to see

It was always destined

To end like this

With both of us falling

Into the abyss

(Originally Posted 10.06.2021)

0

Died

And
then

He
did

Duped

You
must
never
leave
me

She
said

For
I
would
fall
apart

I’ll
stay
with
you
forever

He
said

I could
never
break
your
heart

(Originally Posted 08.06.2020)

6

Desiderate

Even now I struggle

To lie on your side of the bed

I just wish you were in it

As often as you are my head

Xxx

A King Sized Longing

Lying in bed

Late at night

I turn over

With a sigh

I reach out

With my hand

But it’s now empty

Where you would lie

Xxx

(Originally Posted 31.05.2021)

12

There’s No Fun In Funeral

Crying in the chapel

Many years ago

Missing you intently

And wishing it wasn’t so

Granite

I wish
you were
with me

Gently
squeezing
my hand

Providing
me with
comfort

Helping me
understand

(Originally Posted 28.05.2020)

4

From The Back Row

Crying because I was happy

Crying because I was sad

Crying because I had lost

The best friend I’d ever had

Joy and Sadness

Resisting
the urge
to cry
today
is futile.

(Originally Posted 24.05.2019)

2

A Thousand More

There’s nothing much

To add to this

Little else

That I can write

As the grief I felt

When you left

Will remain with me

For life

Xxx

A Thousand Years

Honestly,
I could wait
for a
thousand years
and it
would still
be too tough.

Honestly,
I could sleep
for a
thousand years
and it
would never
be enough.

Honestly,
I could cry
for a
thousand years
and it
would still
hurt too much.

(Originally Posted 11.5.2019)

2

‘I’ll Take All The Blame’

Not only did I fail myself

But I also failed you too

I hope one day

You’ll forgive me

For everything I didn’t do

Xxx

Failure

I pride myself on my planning

I write lists day after day

I schedule my time wisely

So that nothing gets in the way

I prepare for every eventuality

Without a pause for breath

But the one thing I didn’t account for

Was your untimely death

Xxx

(Originally Posted 10.05.2021)

3

‘What Do I Do Now?’

Call me pessimistic

But I’m just being real

This isn’t just

What I think

This is exactly how I feel

Cruelty

In a perfect world,

There is someone for everyone.

You meet each other.

You fall in love.

And you stay together,

Forever.

Ours, however, is a cruel world.

There is someone for everyone,

But you might never meet them.

You might never fall in love.

And you might not stay together,

Forever.

Because they might die,

Before you do.

And then, you’re fucked.

(Originally Posted 03.05.2019)

0

Passing The Parcel

It’ll be you next

When the music stops

So I’ll look away

As your heart drops

An Unwanted Gift

You’ll always carry it with you,
the pain.

You can try to wrap it differently.

Use an alternative box,
choose a shiny wrapping paper.

Secure it with ribbon,

Even glue on a fucking huge bow,
if you like.

But you’ll still carry it with you,
the pain.

Like a gaudy present nobody wants to open.


An unwanted gift you can never return.

(Originally Posted 28.04.2019)

4

In The Next Life

My only wish

Is to see you again

As I really do miss you,

My friend

Maybe One Day

My body
decays
and

My mind
forgets
but

My heart
desires
and

My soul
awakens

(Originally Posted 23.04.2019)

4

The Watershed

OK, perhaps not quite meaningless

But certainly everything changed

And though life now may be

Somewhat better for me

That numbness has definitely remained

All Surface, No Meaning

When you died,
My world stopped turning.

When you took your last breath,
My life became meaningless.

As the ongoing battle towards my own death continues,
I’m numb to everything and everyone.

I trudge along…

Feigning my interest,
Forging my desire,
Faking my love.

(Originally Posted 18.04.2019)

13

‘Life Is Unfair’

It hurts almost as much

To see how sad I was

As it does

To remember you

Reminders

It’s when it comes from nowhere,
that’s the worst.

The hysterical sobs that hit without warning.

When I’m driving and our song comes on the radio.
When a letter arrives and it’s addressed to you.
When I find a pair of your socks in my drawer.

My throat constricts,
as my lungs compress.

My stomach lurches,
as my heart laments.

And my eyes burn as I drown, slowly, in my own tears.

(Originally Posted 18.04.2019)

6

‘Show Me, Show Me, Show Me…’

I don’t feel you with me anymore
When you’ve always been in my heart
I mean I know that you’re dead, sure
As your cancer tore us apart

But lately I’ve been missing you
When I never used to have to look
I’m beginning to think I imagined you
Like a character from a book

I need you to show me something
Just give me a little sign
That our connection still exists, somehow,
And I’m not losing my mind

It doesn’t matter what method you choose
And I’m not too fussed about when
I just need you to do it
As I cannot lose you again

Just

I don’t really want to die.

At least I don’t think I do.

I just want the pain to stop.

Every day is a battle I have less and less desire to fight.

Every day is an experience I have less and less desire to enjoy.

Every day is a puzzle I have less and less desire to complete.

I just want that spark back.

I just want you back.

I just want you.

(Originally Posted 11.04.2019)

28

You’re Gone

It took me a while to accept it

But now I know that it’s true

So all I have are these memories

From those days of me and you

Xxx

Still Hear

I still hear
Your key rattle in the door
I still hear
Your footsteps across the floor
I still hear
Your rubbish music playing
I still hear
Your awesome temper fraying
I still hear
You impart your innate wisdom
I still hear
You berate with fierce criticism
I still hear
You sing your daft wee songs
I still hear
The bubble of your endless bongs
I still hear
You chew too loudly when you eat
I still hear
The thump of your heart beat
I still hear
Your laugh and your wry chuckle
I still hear
Your beloved belt unbuckle
I still hear
Your enticing voice roar
I still hear
Your thunderous snore
I still hear
Your exasperated sigh
I still hear
Your exhausted cry

Oh, how I wish you were
Still Here

(Originally Posted 19.03.2019)

10

Perspectives

God, I remember that night so well

Along with the guilt that ensued

It took quite a while

To realise my smile

Didn’t leave his memory devalued

Open Ending

It was nice talking to you last night.
I forgot, for a moment, that my heart is broken.

It felt good to laugh, to smile, to dance.
It’s been a while since I did those things.

I’m happy we randomly met, but I’m also glad you left when you did.

Now I have the memory of our open ending, to help mend my grieving heart.

(Originally Posted 17.03.2019)

8

Switching Sides

I felt like this

To begin with

When I still thought I could move on

But now I know

How fucking hard that is

I wish it was me that had gone

Who Goes First

It’s better that I’m living without you

Rather than you living without me

You’d never cope with this pain

It has wrecked me

But it would have destroyed you

And I would have hated that

(Originally Posted 14.03.2019)

8

The One Who Lost It All

I wasn’t really

Truthful here

There were others

Who also cried

But no one else

Ever came close

To feeling what I did

When he died

The Only One

You said I was the only one who made you laugh.
You said I was the only one who made you cry.
You said I was the only one who made you feel safe.
You said I was the only one who you could trust.
You said I was the only one who made you feel special.
You said I was the only one who mattered.
You said I was the only one who taught you patience.
You said I was the only one who taught you to be happy.
You said I was the only one who taught you to love.

Then you left.

And I was the only one who cried.

(Originally Posted 12.03.2019)

15

Making Do

I remember this

Only too well

Wandering around

In a daze

Living life

On autopilot

Trying to navigate

The maze

That conflict inside me

Never stopped

I still feel it

To this day

It’s just easier now

To do what I can

And to push the cannot

Away

I Can / I Cannot

I can forever buy token things,

But I cannot answer my phone if it rings.

I can try to plug the cavernous gap,

But I cannot avoid that same old trap.

I can seek out frames for your daft wee photos,

But I cannot keep all of your old clothes.

I can find different ways to while away the hours,

But I cannot keep watering those dead flowers.

I can pray today will be warm and sunny,

But I cannot walk around and pretend to be funny.

I can look for answers in the cold grey sky,

But I cannot continue to painfully cry.

I can avoid scenes of actual violence,

But I cannot ensure my wilful silence.

I can try with all I have to get myself through,

But I cannot ever stop myself from loving you.

(Originally Posted 10.3.2019)

9

A Semi Shared Experience

And still your agony continues

In difference to me

She continues to linger on

Whilst he’s already been set free

Foreboding

It’s all just so wrong

This shouldn’t be happening to you

Not as it hasn’t been that long

Since it happened to me too

I’m not sure how to act

And I’m not sure what to say

For there’s nothing that can take the pain

Of what’s to come away

(Originally Posted 06.03.2020)

0

Who’s That Girl?

I don’t remember who wrote this

But I can see that she was sad

Understandable, to be fair,

As she’d lost everything she had

2am

I am broken
I am hurt
Words unspoken
Emotion curt

I am sad
I am wrong
Mind mad
Tears throng

I am tired
I am lonely
Memories mired
Despair only

I am weak
I am frail
Burning cheek
Limbs fail

I am down
I am done
Brows frown
Love gone

(Originally posted 04.03.2019)

17

G42 Revisited

Just a month or so ago

Sitting here alone

I took a notion to Google

That place we once called home

And there in the depths of YouTube

I found a stylish video tour

Filmed by an estate agent, apparently

As part of their brochure

I sobbed as I watched the camera

Pan from room to room

All of those happy memories

Now bathed in brokenhearted gloom

And yet I am so thankful

That such a thing does exist

As a peice of our history digitised

Is such a wonderful gift

G42

Was it really

The best of times?

Or was it just

The worst?

I’ve got nae idea, pal

Ma heid’s fuckin’ burst

(Originally Posted 03.02.2020)

10

In Memoriam

There is nothing

Left to do

There isn’t anything

Else to say

I just really

Fucking miss him

Every single day

Xxx

8

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