Tag: emotion

Overcome

Most of the time

I do quite wells

Smile on my face

Everything swell

But when those tears

Decide to fall

The reality is

There’s fuck all

I can do

To save myself

From drowning

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You Don’t Fool Me

I don’t care 

That you didn’t mean it

Or if just to deflect 

You moved to attack

As now I know how you seethe

Underneath

And you can never take that back 

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I Won’t Be Back

Although

We’ve spent

The night

Together

We’ll forever be

Apart

For your body

May well

Have given

Me pleasure

But you’ll

Never have

My heart

2

Lighter (Bonus Post)

Well thank fuck for that

She said

As she walked away

With her empty head

Fair And Square

One
thousand
poems

And I am
finally
done

This
battle is
now over

And my
war has
been won

(Originally Posted 29.02.2020)

2

Relentless

I’d love to say

That things have changed

And I no longer feel

So hopeless

But the intervening time

Since writing this rhyme

Has been equally

As atrocious

Nothing

Nothing makes
me happy

Nothing makes
me smile

There’s nothing left
to look forward to

At least nothing that
feels worthwhile

(Originally Posted 28.12.2019)

6

Trauma Breeds Trauma

It started off

Innocently enough

But the problem was

It worked

The desire then grew

And deep down I knew

How I’d forever quench

My thirst

‘Slash & Burn’

Skin somewhat healing

And yet I’m still reeling

As my heart slowly withers

Is there a more appealing

Way to cope with this feeling

Other than with a pair of scissors?

(Originally Posted 15.12.2020)

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Perfunctory

Sometimes I wonder

If I made it out alive

Or if I’m actually still dead

I mean I know

I put on a good show

But I’d rather just feel it instead

But Still Alive

Mired in madness

Subsumed in sadness

Buried here forever

Lost in blackness

(Originally Posted 12.12.2019)

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It’s Different Now

Though it took a while

For me to smile

Still, it is artificial

Any feeling of mirth

For what it’s worth

Is purely superficial

Emotional Flux

The guilt
I feel
when
I smile

Consumes
my day
and night

Perhaps I
should
just wait
a while

Before
thinking
it’s alright

(Originally Posted 13.10.2019)

0

Fuck Cancer

I will keep saying it

Until I am blue in the face

That I was effectively widowed

At thirty eight years old

Is an absolute fucking disgrace

Leaving

Now it’s
time
for me
leave

Please
don’t
make a
fuss

It’s not
the end
of the
world

It’s
just
the end
of us

(Originally Posted 08.10.2019)

12

Different For Us All

Now I don’t bother

With feelings at all

They wouldn’t get it

Even if I tried

No one cares

As it was my man,

Not theirs,

Who so unexpectedly died

Locked Away

As the
chasm
between
us

Continues
to grow

It gets
harder
and
harder

My
feelings
to show

Xxx

(Originally Posted 01.09.2020)

0

That Box

I’m not sure if I’m a masochist

Or just fittingly sentimental

But ever since that day

I haven’t put it away

Which surely can’t be coincidental

The Back of the Wardrobe

I foolishly
made a
mistake
today

I opened
the box
I’d hidden
away

Where the
memories of
our lives
are kept

Along with
all the
tears I’ve
wept

(Originally Posted 25.07.2019)

4

‘Still Remains’

I can remember when I wrote this

Even though it was some time ago

I was lying in bed

Alone in my head

When that song came on the radio

I’d heard it many times before, of course

As it played through my headphones

But this time was different

As my tears fell quicker, and

I felt it in my bones

‘Silence Like A Cancer Grows…’

Back here alone

In this room again

With the darkness

My old friend

Praying for someone

My wounds to tend

Ever hopeful

This pain will end

(Originally Posted 13.07.2020)

6

That’s All

If I ever write

A book on grief

This will be

The only page

Grief 101

Just smile and nod
Even if what they say
Makes no fucking sense.

It’s better to be polite,
After all,
Than to punch people
In the face.

(Originally Posted 29.04.2019)

16

Sensitive Skin

How about this

He said

For an interesting notion

Perhaps you’re not

Dead inside

But just allergic to emotion

20

The Strength Within

I remember

That day

When my doubts

Fell away

And I walked on broken glass

Now with veins

Of ice

I wouldn’t

Think twice

About kicking your sorry ass

11

Two Steps Back

Words don’t cut it

Anymore

So it’s back to the knives

Instead

I really thought

I was over this

But the trauma demon

Has to be fed

26

Uncovered

All that time

I blamed myself

When you were the one who lied

You have no idea

How much I wish

It wasn’t him, but you, who died

12

Unkept

You said

To me

You’d always

Be true

Yet it’s clear

That forever

Meant fuck all

To you

19

Two Faced

You will never beat me,

So please don’t even try.

I could choose to hurt you,

To really make you cry.

But I’m the better person,

Of that I have no doubt.

So just carry on with your bullshit,

Because you’ll never drive me out.

(Originally Posted 02.06.2019)

24

‘And then you spoke to me and said…’

You spoke to me without being forced.
You said my full name, without being told what it was.
You looked at me.

I was happy just to see you.
Being in the same building as you again sent chills 
down my spine and welled tears in my eyes.
I had recognised your presence and then let it go. 
Like always.

But you took it further, this time.
You spoke to me without being forced.
You said my full name, without being told what it was.
You looked at me.

I could not believe what was happening.
My foolish response - 'Wow, you know my name' -
swirling in the air around us, 
choking me with its embarrassment.
You smiled your vacant smile.
You muttered something and walked away.

Words cannot describe how I felt.
You spoke to me without being forced.
You said my full name, without being told what it was.
You looked at me.

It made it all seem worthwhile.
The years of following you. The years of obsession.
You spoke to me.

I had to get another drink and light a cigarette.
So, I noticed, did you.

When you spoke to me that second time,
I don't think I was present.
I had seen you walking in my direction, 
but I had ceased to exist.
You said 'I see you all the time at parties,
but I never get a chance to talk to you'.
I drowned in the ecstasy of your words,
and further still when you said 'See you soon'.

Those three words gave me so much hope.
Hope I never had before.
Not even after the notes...

For the rest of the night I watched you, watching me.
At least I pretended not to watch you, 
pretending not to watch me.

But I was so happy.  Elated in fact.
You had spoken to me without being forced.
You said my full name without being told what it was.
You looked at me.

When you left the room, and I watched you go, 
you didn't just take your pretty little head with you.
You took a piece of me too.
A piece of me that will be with you always,
and lost to me...
Forever.

For MR

(Originally Posted 03/03/2019)

 

16

My Advice

Do as I say 
Not as I do

I wouldn't 
want this pain 

Inflicted 
on you

(Originally Posted 10.03.2019)

 

5

Queen

Even though

It’s still a shit show

It must go on,

I suppose

(Originally Posted 22.03.2019)

7

Rebuilt

Don’t come crawling back now

Amazed at what you find

For I’m the one

Who carried on

When you left me behind

11

Hold Tight

That roof is calling my name.

I know it is.

I can hear it.

Every day its voice gets louder and louder.

Every day I’m drawn closer and closer.

I went up there tonight.

Just to the edge.

Just to look.

I held on to the safety rail.

I cannot promise that tomorrow,

I won’t let go.

(Originally Posted 26.03.2019)

11

Across The Table

I love how you know,

To hold my hand,

Just by the croak in my voice.

I’m so grateful,

That you understand,

Just how much I need that choice.

Feeling that you’re there,

And how much you care,

Means everything you see.

But not forcing me to speak,

When you sense I’m weak,

Is why you’re the one for me.

14

Gratitude

There’s
not
enough
hours
in
the
day

For
all
of
your
kindness
to
repay

Just
know
that
now I
can see
things so
clearly

I’ll
never
love
anyone
else
as
dearly

2

Bleeding

It feels
like I’ve
been robbed

Of the
only love
in my life

This pain
runs deep,
she sobbed,

As it cuts
through me
like a knife

8

Self Sabotage

Fall in
love with
me all
you like

But don’t
think I
can love
you back

The
voices
inside
my head

Have long
since put
a stop
to that

6

Still Hear

I still hear your key rattle in the door,
I still hear your footsteps across the floor.
I still hear your rubbish music playing,
I still hear your awesome temper fraying.
I still hear you impart your innate wisdom,
I still hear you berate with fierce criticism.
I still hear you sing your daft wee songs,
I still hear the bubble of your endless bongs.
I still hear you chew too loudly when you eat,
I still hear the thump of your heart beat.
I still hear your laugh and your wry chuckle,
I still hear your beloved belt unbuckle.
I still hear your enticing voice roar,
I still hear your thunderous snore.
I still hear your exasperated sigh,
I still hear your exhausted cry.

I Wish You Were,
 Still Here.

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