Lighter (Bonus Post)

Well thank fuck for that

She said

As she walked away

With her empty head

Fair And Square


And I am

battle is
now over

And my
war has
been won

(Originally Posted 29.02.2020)


I’d love to say

That things have changed

And I no longer feel

So hopeless

But the intervening time

Since writing this rhyme

Has been equally

As atrocious


Nothing makes
me happy

Nothing makes
me smile

There’s nothing left
to look forward to

At least nothing that
feels worthwhile

(Originally Posted 28.12.2019)

Trauma Breeds Trauma

It started off

Innocently enough

But the problem was

It worked

The desire then grew

And deep down I knew

How I’d forever quench

My thirst

‘Slash & Burn’

Skin somewhat healing

And yet I’m still reeling

As my heart slowly withers

Is there a more appealing

Way to cope with this feeling

Other than with a pair of scissors?

(Originally Posted 15.12.2020)


Sometimes I wonder

If I made it out alive

Or if I’m actually still dead

I mean I know

I put on a good show

But I’d rather just feel it instead

But Still Alive

Mired in madness

Subsumed in sadness

Buried here forever

Lost in blackness

(Originally Posted 12.12.2019)

It’s Different Now

Though it took a while

For me to smile

Still, it is artificial

Any feeling of mirth

For what it’s worth

Is purely superficial

Emotional Flux

The guilt
I feel
I smile

my day
and night

Perhaps I
just wait
a while

it’s alright

(Originally Posted 13.10.2019)

Fuck Cancer

I will keep saying it

Until I am blue in the face

That I was effectively widowed

At thirty eight years old

Is an absolute fucking disgrace


Now it’s
for me

make a

It’s not
the end
of the

the end
of us

(Originally Posted 08.10.2019)

Different For Us All

Now I don’t bother

With feelings at all

They wouldn’t get it

Even if I tried

No one cares

As it was my man,

Not theirs,

Who so unexpectedly died

Locked Away

As the

to grow

It gets

to show


(Originally Posted 01.09.2020)

That Box

I’m not sure if I’m a masochist

Or just fittingly sentimental

But ever since that day

I haven’t put it away

Which surely can’t be coincidental

The Back of the Wardrobe

I foolishly
made a

I opened
the box
I’d hidden

Where the
memories of
our lives
are kept

Along with
all the
tears I’ve

(Originally Posted 25.07.2019)

‘Still Remains’

I can remember when I wrote this

Even though it was some time ago

I was lying in bed

Alone in my head

When that song came on the radio

I’d heard it many times before, of course

As it played through my headphones

But this time was different

As my tears fell quicker, and

I felt it in my bones

‘Silence Like A Cancer Grows…’

Back here alone

In this room again

With the darkness

My old friend

Praying for someone

My wounds to tend

Ever hopeful

This pain will end

(Originally Posted 13.07.2020)

That’s All

If I ever write

A book on grief

This will be

The only page

Grief 101

Just smile and nod
Even if what they say
Makes no fucking sense.

It’s better to be polite,
After all,
Than to punch people
In the face.

(Originally Posted 29.04.2019)

Sensitive Skin

How about this

He said

For an interesting notion

Perhaps you’re not

Dead inside

But just allergic to emotion

The Strength Within

I remember

That day

When my doubts

Fell away

And I walked on broken glass

Now with veins

Of ice

I wouldn’t

Think twice

About kicking your sorry ass

Two Steps Back

Words don’t cut it


So it’s back to the knives


I really thought

I was over this

But the trauma demon

Has to be fed


All that time

I blamed myself

When you were the one who lied

You have no idea

How much I wish

It wasn’t him, but you, who died


You said

To me

You’d always

Be true

Yet it’s clear

That forever

Meant fuck all

To you

Two Faced

You will never beat me,

So please don’t even try.

I could choose to hurt you,

To really make you cry.

But I’m the better person,

Of that I have no doubt.

So just carry on with your bullshit,

Because you’ll never drive me out.

(Originally Posted 02.06.2019)

‘And then you spoke to me and said…’

You spoke to me without being forced.
You said my full name, without being told what it was.
You looked at me.

I was happy just to see you.
Being in the same building as you again sent chills
down my spine and welled tears in my eyes.
I had recognised your presence and then let it go.
Like always.

But you took it further, this time.
You spoke to me without being forced.
You said my full name, without being told what it was.
You looked at me.

I could not believe what was happening.
My foolish response - 'Wow, you know my name' -
swirling in the air around us,
choking me with its embarrassment.
You smiled your vacant smile.
You muttered something and walked away.

Words cannot describe how I felt.
You spoke to me without being forced.
You said my full name, without being told what it was.
You looked at me.

It made it all seem worthwhile.
The years of following you. The years of obsession.
You spoke to me.

I had to get another drink and light a cigarette.
So, I noticed, did you.

When you spoke to me that second time,
I don't think I was present.
I had seen you walking in my direction,
but I had ceased to exist.
You said 'I see you all the time at parties,
but I never get a chance to talk to you'.
I drowned in the ecstasy of your words,
and further still when you said 'See you soon'.

Those three words gave me so much hope.
Hope I never had before.
Not even after the notes...

For the rest of the night I watched you, watching me.
At least I pretended not to watch you,
pretending not to watch me.

But I was so happy.  Elated in fact.
You had spoken to me without being forced.
You said my full name without being told what it was.
You looked at me.

When you left the room, and I watched you go,
you didn't just take your pretty little head with you.
You took a piece of me too.
A piece of me that will be with you always,
and lost to me...

For MR

(Originally Posted 03/03/2019)


Up ↑