Uncovered

All that time

I blamed myself

When you were the one who lied

You have no idea

How much I wish

It wasn’t him, but you, who died

Unkept

You said

To me

You’d always

Be true

Yet it’s clear

That forever

Meant fuck all

To you

Two Faced

You will never beat me,

So please don’t even try.

I could choose to hurt you,

To really make you cry.

But I’m the better person,

Of that I have no doubt.

So just carry on with your bullshit,

Because you’ll never drive me out.

(Originally Posted 02.06.2019)

‘And then you spoke to me and said…’

You spoke to me without being forced.
You said my full name, without being told what it was.
You looked at me.

I was happy just to see you.
Being in the same building as you again sent chills
down my spine and welled tears in my eyes.
I had recognised your presence and then let it go.
Like always.

But you took it further, this time.
You spoke to me without being forced.
You said my full name, without being told what it was.
You looked at me.

I could not believe what was happening.
My foolish response - 'Wow, you know my name' -
swirling in the air around us,
choking me with its embarrassment.
You smiled your vacant smile.
You muttered something and walked away.

Words cannot describe how I felt.
You spoke to me without being forced.
You said my full name, without being told what it was.
You looked at me.

It made it all seem worthwhile.
The years of following you. The years of obsession.
You spoke to me.

I had to get another drink and light a cigarette.
So, I noticed, did you.

When you spoke to me that second time,
I don't think I was present.
I had seen you walking in my direction,
but I had ceased to exist.
You said 'I see you all the time at parties,
but I never get a chance to talk to you'.
I drowned in the ecstasy of your words,
and further still when you said 'See you soon'.

Those three words gave me so much hope.
Hope I never had before.
Not even after the notes...

For the rest of the night I watched you, watching me.
At least I pretended not to watch you,
pretending not to watch me.

But I was so happy.  Elated in fact.
You had spoken to me without being forced.
You said my full name without being told what it was.
You looked at me.

When you left the room, and I watched you go,
you didn't just take your pretty little head with you.
You took a piece of me too.
A piece of me that will be with you always,
and lost to me...
Forever.

For MR

(Originally Posted 03/03/2019)

 

My Advice

Do as I say 
Not as I do

I wouldn't
want this pain

Inflicted
on you

(Originally Posted 10.03.2019)

 

Queen

Even though

It’s still a shit show

It must go on,

I suppose

(Originally Posted 22.03.2019)

Rebuilt

Don’t come crawling back now

Amazed at what you find

For I’m the one

Who carried on

When you left me behind

Hold Tight

That roof is calling my name.

I know it is.

I can hear it.

Every day its voice gets louder and louder.

Every day I’m drawn closer and closer.

I went up there tonight.

Just to the edge.

Just to look.

I held on to the safety rail.

I cannot promise that tomorrow,

I won’t let go.

(Originally Posted 26.03.2019)

Across The Table

I love how you know,

To hold my hand,

Just by the croak in my voice.

I’m so grateful,

That you understand,

Just how much I need that choice.

Feeling that you’re there,

And how much you care,

Means everything you see.

But not forcing me to speak,

When you sense I’m weak,

Is why you’re the one for me.

Gratitude

There’s
not
enough
hours
in
the
day

For
all
of
your
kindness
to
repay

Just
know
that
now I
can see
things so
clearly

I’ll
never
love
anyone
else
as
dearly

Bleeding

It feels
like I’ve
been robbed

Of the
only love
in my life

This pain
runs deep,
she sobbed,

As it cuts
through me
like a knife

Self Sabotage

Fall in
love with
me all
you like

But don’t
think I
can love
you back

The
voices
inside
my head

Have long
since put
a stop
to that

Still Hear

I still hear your key rattle in the door,
I still hear your footsteps across the floor.
I still hear your rubbish music playing,
I still hear your awesome temper fraying.
I still hear you impart your innate wisdom,
I still hear you berate with fierce criticism.
I still hear you sing your daft wee songs,
I still hear the bubble of your endless bongs.
I still hear you chew too loudly when you eat,
I still hear the thump of your heart beat.
I still hear your laugh and your wry chuckle,
I still hear your beloved belt unbuckle.
I still hear your enticing voice roar,
I still hear your thunderous snore.
I still hear your exasperated sigh,
I still hear your exhausted cry.

I Wish You Were,
Still Here.

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