“I’ll Probably Never See You Again…”

When I first started 
Posting here
I was struggling
To hold on
A deep sadness
Had engulfed me
And all
Of my hope
Was gone

My partner
Of nigh on
Twenty years
Had died
Just four months
My heart
Was broken
And my life, then,
A token
That I was failing
To endure

Because, you see,
He'd been taken
From me
In the most horrific way
To witness
If you've never seen it
I can tell you,
With feeling,
Is a cunt
Of an illness

So I began
To write again
As a way
To express
My emotions
At best,
I might get
Some rest
If I recorded
My rambling notions

I knew
From the start
Some readers
Would baulk
At what I had
To lay bare
Suicidal thoughts
And self harm,
Of course,
All referenced
Without a care

But I had to be
To me
And reflect
What I
Was feeling
Even though I knew
The words
I'd spew
Might leave
More sensitive readers

And yet here
I have found
Such a welcoming crowd
Who've helped me
When times were tough
For their patience,
And understanding
I could never
Thank them

So if you find
From here on in
That I am not posting
As often
Please know that you are,
In no small part,
The reason
I've started
To soften

As for me
Well, I will see
If I can continue
To reduce
My pain
But I will take
Some comfort
And feel
A little triumphant
At least,
I entertained


My Day In Court

You will do it

Again one day

Hurt someone else

In the same way

And when you do

I’ll be there to say

You deserve to hang

Without delay


We all
do bad

Yet not
is made
to pay

But while
you will
admit your

Just know
the truth
will out
one day

(Originally Posted 06.11.2019)


Three years on

From writing this

And that strength still eludes me

Don’t get me wrong

I can, at times, be strong

But my future still looks pretty gloomy


So it’s another birthday

And what a day it has been

If I’d have known last year

What I know now

I would have jacked it all in

But I suppose now it’s time

At this ripe old age

And much to my chagrin

To find a way of moving forward

And discover the strength within

(Originally Posted 09.08.2019)

God, I’m Good

Nearly two and a half

Thousand posts

And yet I can still

Surprise myself

Perhaps poetry

Is my future, actually,

So I shouldn’t just leave it

On the shelf



Eyeing up
the bones

Of those who
went before us

Now rotting
on the stones

(Originally Posted 14.05.2020)

Out Of The Blue

I woke up with a smile


All the bad feeling

Had gone away

It actually felt

Like it was the start

Of gluing back together

My broken heart


I pride myself on my planning

I write lists day after day

I schedule my time wisely

So that nothing gets in the way

I prepare for every eventuality

Without a pause for breath

But the one thing I didn’t account for

Was your untimely death



New friends

Old friends

Friends I’ve yet to meet

I hope and pray

One day you’ll say

That I was right up your street

Peace Time

I have no interest in going back

Or to stroll down memory lane

I just want this war to end

And to move on from all this pain

Until Then…

This is not our goodbye

It’s just a fond farewell

For we both know

We’ll meet once more

As we both burn in hell

The Path Of Darkness

Now you’ve led me again

Onto the path of darkness

Who knows how this will end

Last time all that was left

Was sparseness

And we couldn’t even be friends

After The Exorcism

Things should be better now

He said

They certainly shouldn’t be worse

I really hope so

She said

For I can’t live with this curse

Sliding Doors

There will be someone out there

He said

That will be the one for you

What if he’s already gone

She said

I don’t believe there can be two

Honesty At Year Three

So today marks the beginning

Of WordPress year three

Happy two year anniversary to me

Quite a lot has changed

Since that first post

Not least the number of people

Seemingly engrossed

In reading my innermost thoughts and feelings

Which I admit even now

I have a hard time believing

For there are far more talented writers here than me

Whose focus isn’t madness, sadness or profanity

Yet as I’ve looked back over posts of the past

I see my words gradually getting lighter

Perhaps this is due, in part,

To my life being that little bit brighter

So, I hear you ask, will my future posts just become asinine?

Well, I suppose, your guess is as good as mine

But one things for sure

You’ll still find me here beneath the armour

Writing, posting and chatting

As your ever grateful Little Charmer

My Younger Self

If I spent time with my younger self, what would I say?

Well done for putting up with this bullshit every day

If I spent time with my younger self, what would I see?

A weary acceptance that life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be

If I spent time with my younger self, what would I feel?

An overwhelming sadness that time will never heal

If I spent time with my younger self, what would I do?

Tell them to pack a bag and run away with you

(Originally Posted 24.07.2019)


I wish I’d never met you.

Life would be easier then.

If I’d never met you

I wouldn’t have to forget you.

And I would be happier then.

(Originally Posted 09.03.2019)

Random #18

‘You could have achieved so much more, if you weren’t so fucking insecure’

– Me

(Originally Posted 19.07.2019)

Cheats Never Prosper

If there’s one thing I’ve learned

It’s that you can’t skip the stages

Even if moving forward

Feels like it’s taking fucking ages

If you jump too far forward

You only fall further back

And all you do is store your pain

For further down the track

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