Tag: giving up

It Always Worked Before

Whether it’s from

The scars on my arms

Or from the words

That I have written

I think it may be best

If I take a rest

And go back

To keeping them hidden

Cutting

I scythe these words

Across the page

To allow my pain to flow

I find it leaves

Much less of a scar

Than some other ways I know

(Originally Posted 05.01.2021)

16

The Kindest Thing To Do

It’s not that I don’t want to

He said

But we have been here before

I can’t give you what you need

She said

So I won’t ask you any more

It’s Not Real

I think
I love
you

He
said

But
I cannot
wait

If you
loved
me

She
said

You
wouldn’t
hesitate

(Originally Posted 30.12.2019)

0

Nothing Left To Say

I am pretty sure

I’ll give up soon

When I find a moment

That is opportune

I’ll say goodbye

Just after nightfall

And put down my pen

Once and for all

Done In

There’s
only so
much I
can write

Before
I go
to sleep
tonight

My
eyes are
heavy and
overtired

My
heart is
weary and
overfired

(Originally Posted 22.10.2019)

14

Tea, Milady?

You will feel much better

She said

After a drink and something to eat

There’s no point in feeding me up

She said

For I have accepted defeat

Little Miss Pitiful

Too busy to stop,

Too bored to stay.

Too broken to fight,

For yet another day.

(Originally Posted 21.10.2019)

2

Best Fri(end)

I
never
thought

This
would
be

How
all
this
would
end

Me
living
here
alone

Without
my
best
friend

(Originally Posted 21.06.2019)

14

This Silent War

I’m trapped inside this silent war

Furiously waving a white flag above my head

But no one seems to care

One day soon

I’ll stop trying

(Originally Posted 14.04.2019)

7

Tiredness

I already want to go back to sleep

And I haven’t even woken up yet

(Originally Posted 08.04.2019)

8

‘This Is The End…’

Imagine
what you
could
achieve

He
said

If only
you just
tried
harder

I’ve
done all
I can
to stay
alive

She
said

I can’t
possibly
go any
farther

6

I Can’t Do This

We’re
no
nearer
to
being
together

And
it’s
tearing
me
apart

I’m
starting
to think
that I’m
just not
cut out

For
such
complicated
affairs
of the
heart

14

Ever Hopeful

Crossing
the road
slowly

Ever hopeful
of getting
run over

Leaving
the oven
door open

Ever hopeful
of inhaling
the gas

Drinking
spirits
every day

Ever hopeful
of pickling
the liver

Eating
salted chips
all night

Ever hopeful
of a heart
bypass

11

Epitaph

Do you
ever wish
you could
give up?

Say right,
that’s it,
I’ve had
enough!

I’m done
with all
this fucking
shit

I’m finally
going
through
with it!

Well,
that’s what
I think
every day

I find
those words
so easy
to say

And now,
it seems,
the demons
have won

For I can
say that I’m
officially
done

18

Undeserving

I’ll
never
fall
in love
again

Not
that
I ever
wanted
to be

Love is
for those
with
delicate
souls

And
not
for the
likes
of me

14

Acrimony

Whilst
trying
to fix
this
hopeless
mess,
I’ve
realised,
it’s all
just
fucking
pointless
anyway.

Nobody wins.

1

Sleep Is Futile

What’s the
point in
going to bed

With all
this shit
inside my head

It’s not
like I’ll be
allowed to rest

With this
sickness deep
inside my chest

4

Tuesday

I called in sick for work today.

My heart just couldn’t come out to play.

All I’ve done is lie in bed

Filled with thoughts of fear and dread.

With nausea consuming every movement,

My mood shows no sign of improvement.

I hate existing like this.

Full of anger, self loathing and all that shit.

I wonder how much more emotion can I conceal

Before I decide to end it all for real

6

Apathy & Deception

How the
fuck am
I going
to get
through
today
when I
can’t even
open my
eyes?

Why the
fuck am
I even
bothering
today
when
my life
is just
a myriad
of lies?

6

Not Today

No-one can shield me,
from this pain within.

Nothing can soothe me,
now the rot has set in.

4

The Loaded Gun

Time marches on
As I come undone
And my memories fade further away.

I try to hold on,
To ignore the loaded gun
As I trudge through another day.

0

Just

I don’t really want to die.

At least I don’t think I do.

I just want the pain to stop.

Every day is a battle I have less and less desire to fight.

Every day is an experience I have less and less desire to enjoy.

Every day is a puzzle I have less and less desire to complete.

I just want that spark back.

I just want you back.

I just want you.

0

For Me

Something has to give,
For me to find a reason to live.

Something has to change,
For me to avoid the firing range.

Something good has to come,
For me to choose not to succumb.

Something better has to start,
For me to stop tearing myself apart.

Some other story must be told,
For me to finally come in out of the cold.

0

Immovable

It’s like wading through a swamp. Trying to drag your limbs from quicksand. Pushing against an invisible wall, a colossal weight strapped to your back. Everything takes so much longer. So many hours are lost. Motivation is impossible to muster. Action comes only in waves. Trivial tasks are insurmountable and nothing makes sense.

I’ve become physically, mentally and emotionally immovable.

Please, send help.

4

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