Ever Hopeful

Crossing
the road
slowly

Ever hopeful
of getting
run over

Leaving
the oven
door open

Ever hopeful
of inhaling
the gas

Drinking
spirits
every day

Ever hopeful
of pickling
the liver

Eating
salted chips
all night

Ever hopeful
of a heart
bypass

Epitaph

Do you
ever wish
you could
give up?

Say right,
that’s it,
I’ve had
enough!

I’m done
with all
this fucking
shit

I’m finally
going
through
with it!

Well,
that’s what
I think
every day

I find
those words
so easy
to say

And now,
it seems,
the demons
have won

For I can
say that I’m
officially
done

Undeserving

I’ll
never
fall
in love
again

Not
that
I ever
wanted
to be

Love is
for those
with
delicate
souls

And
not
for the
likes
of me

Acrimony

Whilst
trying
to fix
this
hopeless
mess,
I’ve
realised,
it’s all
just
fucking
pointless
anyway.

Nobody wins.

Sleep Is Futile

What’s the
point in
going to bed

With all
this shit
inside my head

It’s not
like I’ll be
allowed to rest

With this
sickness deep
inside my chest

Tuesday

I called in sick for work today.

My heart just couldn’t come out to play.

All I’ve done is lie in bed

Filled with thoughts of fear and dread.

With nausea consuming every movement,

My mood shows no sign of improvement.

I hate existing like this.

Full of anger, self loathing and all that shit.

I wonder how much more emotion can I conceal

Before I decide to end it all for real

Apathy & Deception

How the
fuck am
I going
to get
through
today
when I
can’t even
open my
eyes?

Why the
fuck am
I even
bothering
today
when
my life
is just
a myriad
of lies?

The Loaded Gun

Time marches on
As I come undone
And my memories fade further away.

I try to hold on,
To ignore the loaded gun
As I trudge through another day.

This Silent War

I’m trapped inside this silent war,

furiously waving a white flag above my head,

but no one seems to care.

One day soon,

I’ll stop waving.

Just

I don’t really want to die.

At least I don’t think I do.

I just want the pain to stop.

Every day is a battle I have less and less desire to fight.

Every day is an experience I have less and less desire to enjoy.

Every day is a puzzle I have less and less desire to complete.

I just want that spark back.

I just want you back.

I just want you.

For Me

Something has to give,
For me to find a reason to live.

Something has to change,
For me to avoid the firing range.

Something good has to come,
For me to choose not to succumb.

Something better has to start,
For me to stop tearing myself apart.

Some other story must be told,
For me to finally come in out of the cold.

Immovable

It’s like wading through a swamp. Trying to drag your limbs from quicksand. Pushing against an invisible wall, a colossal weight strapped to your back. Everything takes so much longer. So many hours are lost. Motivation is impossible to muster. Action comes only in waves. Trivial tasks are insurmountable and nothing makes sense.

I’ve become physically, mentally and emotionally immovable.

Please, send help.