A Knife’s Edge

It rears it’s head

This time of year

The feeling of wishing

That I wasn’t here

I’ll try to push through

As best as I can

But I’d be lying to say

It wasn’t still a plan

05/08/2025 9

Winter

Here I am

Pretending again

Faking a smile

To hide my pain

I fucking hate this weather

24/10/2023 15

Deadened

I wish

That things

Were different

And I could be

Burnt Out

Lacking in motivation
Devoid of all desire
Wondering if salvation
Is in the funeral pyre

18/08/2023 4

Bridges

On those days

When I feel depressed

And I can’t carry on

Or hope for the best

I know to avoid

The great outdoors

As they’d end up scraping me

Off the floor

You Have Been Warned

I’m
too
scared
to go
out
today

For
the
dark
thoughts
haven’t
gone away

I’m
worried
I’m so
far into
this
slump

That
I may
well
just
decide
to
jump

(Originally Posted 09.02.2020)

09/02/2023 2

Care Planning

Suffice it to say

If I had my way

There’d be no fucking risk assessment

I don’t need protecting

Despite your objecting

As in life I have no investment

999

God
knows
why I
didn’t
wake up
dead

Or why
I didn’t
think
to plan
this far
ahead

(Originally Posted 27.01.2020)

27/01/2023 0

Deploy The Safety Net

Remove the paracetamol

And hide the razor blades

As I feel like shit

Again today

So you need to take the reins

The Daily Struggle

I went back to bed

Three times today

To try to dream

This pain away

Yet it didn’t work

So now I’m awake

Do I have any choice

But my life to take?

(Originally Posted 16.11.2020)

16/11/2022 11

Fuck Depression

This is what depression does

It strips you bare until life becomes

Just too much to contemplate.

So you lie there alone

Isolated at home

And accept what you feel is fate.

Meanwhile everyone else

Is worried about you.

Totally clueless

As to how to help you.

Ultimately nobody wins.

So fuck depression,

And all that it brings.

In My Eyes

No one
sees
me as
anything
more

Than a
sad and
lonely
depressed
old bore

A pathetic
waste of
space for
sure

Just
another
nuisance
to ignore

(Originally Posted 14.11.2019)

14/11/2022 13

Lowering Expectations

I’ve felt this way

For some time now

And yet I still plod on

Perhaps this is just

My normal now

And it’s hoping for more that’s wrong

Zestless

Finally
dropping
into
bed

Knowing
I couldn’t
have done
any more

There is
no point
in setting
an alarm

As
there’s
nothing
to wake
up for

(Originally Posted 24.10.2020)

24/10/2022 4

I Fucking Hate Tuesdays

Trudging through this half a life

Really just subsisting

Knowing I’d be

Better off dead

Than merely just existing

22/02/2022 21

Waking Thoughts

And so to yet

Another day

Resisting

The urge to cry

In a body

That is fighting

Hard to survive

But with a mind

That wants to die

18/02/2022 12

Out Of My Hands

There wouldn’t be any problem

If I didn’t wake up tomorrow

At least I wouldn’t be in pain

Or suffocating in this sorrow

12/06/2021 21

In The Gutter Looking Up

Under a
crushed
velveteen
sky
I lie here,
alone,
and want
to die

11/06/2021 25

That’s It Settled Then

There’s really no point anymore

Now that joy seems so out of reach

It’s better to go now, than to linger

And to practice what I preach

14/05/2021 12

The End Of The Road

Pretending gets tiring

After a while

So in the end you stop

With no cylinders left firing

And an inibility to smile

It’s back up to that rooftop

13/05/2021 14

Namesake

Well that’s me back

In the doldrums again

Months of progress

Down the drain

I can no longer be bothered

With any motivation to find

For it’s clear now nothing will fix

This fragile mind of mine

12/05/2021 23

Even My Tissues Have Issues

Will there ever come a day

When I won’t feel so sad

What the hell did I do

That was so fucking bad

All I ever wanted

Was to live a life free from pain

And yet it seems I am destined

To walk forever in the rain

03/02/2021 14

The Inner Turmoil

Always 
laughing 
and 
joking

Smiling 
on 
the
outside

While 
all the 
time I'm 
choking

On the 
emotions 
I'm trying 
to hide

14/01/2021 20

Leave Me Alone

Although the walls

Are closing in

I’ve no desire

To leave

I don’t understand

Why you find that

So fucking hard

To believe

11/01/2021 12

Happy Place

Take me back

To the sea

For it is where

I need to be

But please don’t think

That just because

You’ve emptied my pockets

It’ll be enough to stop it

For in the end

It will just be me

Sinking deep down

Into the depths of the sea

10/12/2020 10

Sprung

The beast has crept back in again

She’s beaten down my door

And there was me

Thinking foolishly

I wouldn’t need pills anymore

09/12/2020 22

Vanished

With no idea what this shit means

I’ve fallen apart at the seams

Hidden behind these opaque screens

I only exist now in my dreams

23/11/2020 5

The Daily Struggle

I went back to bed

Three times today

To try to dream

This pain away

But it didn’t work

And now I’m awake

Do I have any choice

But my life to take?

16/11/2020 21

‘Talking Without Speaking’

I can
feel it
coming
on

That
darkness,
my old
friend

I’ve not
got out
of bed
in days

And
don’t
know if
I will
again

06/11/2020 10

The Passing Samaritan

I
really
can’t
explain
it

This
feeling
I have
inside

I
just
don’t
want
to be
here

And,
God
knows,
I’ve
tried

29/10/2020 10

The Railway Line

I
shouldn’t
need to
tell you
again

You
must
already
know

I
don’t
want to
be here
anymore

Please
just
let me
go

20/10/2020 35

Afflicted

Wandered
around
again
today

With
an all
consuming
sigh

Not
knowing
how to
live

Yet
too
afraid
to die

16/10/2020 30

The Dead Of Night

The
dark
nights
are
drawing
in

And
there’s
some
comfort
in that

For
when
I finally
slink
away

They
won’t
know
I’m not
coming
back

14/10/2020 7

‘Speak to Me Someone’

I am
more
lonely

Than
anybody
knows

I
could
really

Use
a
friend

Before
this
darkness

Inside
me
grows

And
it
really

Is
the
end

12/10/2020 35

Another Repeat Prescription

If
all
your
pills

Don’t
cure
my
ills

Then
why
bother
to
collect
them

If
it’s
a waste
of time

Both
yours
and
mine

Then
perhaps
I should
reject
them

20/09/2020 9

Hidden Harm

I killed
myself
today,
you know

And
no one
noticed
a thing

For
everyone
was far
too busy

To
care
about my
suffering

11/09/2020 24

Shotgun

At
this
point
I’ll
try
anything

She
said

It
can’t
do any
harm

Then
you
should
take
this
one

He
said

It’ll
work
like a
charm

27/08/2020 20

Submission

Ah well

What the heck

Put your hand

Around my neck

And squeeze

20/07/2020 29

Into The Sea…

When I was told

What did unfold

I’ll admit that

I was envious

For you achieved

Of what I dream

As my will to live

Is tenuous

17/07/2020 0

No Sharps Please

The
cut
on
my
wrist

Has
now
healed

As
I was
told
not
to
pick
it

The
delicate
skin

Is
now
sealed

So
I’ll
try
not
to
nick
it

Again

02/07/2020 15

No Swimming

One
day
I’ll
wake
up

And
I won’t
feel
this
strong

So
you’ll
find
me

Drowned
in the
river

And
back
where
I belong

25/06/2020 22

Plus Ca Change

So
this
is
it

Lying
in bed
all day
again

Wine
and
cigarettes
my only
friend

I’m so
bored
of this
shit

I
could
make
myself
sick

I
really
am
nothing

But a
nauseating
prick

02/06/2020 14

Never-ending

Another minute

Another hour

Another day

Another shower

Of shite

16/05/2020 5

End Credits

Is that
it now

She
said

Can we
go back?

As I want
nothing more

But to fade
to black

26/04/2020 6

Blackout

I
don’t
want
to feel
better

I
don’t
want
to feel
at all

21/04/2020 26

Sick & Tired

And
so
begins
another
day

Where
I pretend
every
thing
is ok

If
only
there
was
another
way

As I
hate
being
such a
fucking
cliché

14/04/2020 16

Cards On The Table

So this is
what it
amounts to

All I have
to show for
my life

Do you
know

I can’t
actually
be arsed

Please,
just pass me
the knife

26/03/2020 0

Pros & Cons

Whatever
it is you
want
from me

I just
don’t
have it
to give

As I’m
focusing
all of my
attention

On
finding
reasons
to live

21/03/2020 1

50-50 Split

Everybody’s
everything

But

Nobody’s
nothing

Both at
the same
time

16/03/2020 10

State Of Mind

I’ll
never
leave
the
house
again

If
that
is
what
you
want

There’s
nothing
out
there
for
me
anyway

Of
that
I’m
confident

14/03/2020 10

Hounded

I
know
that
you
are
here
to stay

I heard
your
voice
from
miles
away

Telling
them
you
were
coming
for me

And
that
you
would
have
no
sympathy

09/03/2020 14

‘Twilight’

I wish
I could
remember

The
good
old
days

But I
fear they
were just
a lie

For I
cannot
recall

Any
time in
my life

When I
didn’t
want
to die

17/02/2020 22

Dosage Instructions

Please
give me
another
pill to
swallow

For I
don’t
want to
wake up
tomorrow

31/01/2020 21

As Time Goes By

From
happy
souls
the
lifeblood
drains

Until
nothing
but
the
darkness
remains

17/01/2020 8

Harsh Truth

It can
be a
hard
lesson
to learn

When
you’re
at the
point of
no return

That
nobody
actually
gives
a shit

Whether
you decide
to stay
or to
end it

12/10/2019 11

Moods

Ups and downs,

Peaks and troughs,

But the darkness?

That never stops…

10/10/2019 7

The Black

It’s only
when you
reach the
bottom

You
realise
there’s no
way back

You
know then
you’re too
far gone

But all
you can
see is
The Black

02/10/2019 4

Home Alone

It’s Friday night

And I’m here alone

In this house

We used to call home

There’s nothing left now

Just an empty shell

With me here alone

Living through hell

20/09/2019 14

Another Notch

A
little
nick
here

A
little
cut
there

It
doesn’t
hurt
anymore

Not
that
I’d
care…

19/09/2019 4

Scissors

It’s time
to put you
back in
your box

To fasten
the lid
and change
the locks

I cannot
continue
down this
path

For if I
do there
is no way
back

21/08/2019 8

‘Slip Away, Quietly’

All happiness
is fleeting

All sadness
is depleting

I’m no
longer competing

From sanity
I’m retreating

14/08/2019 0

Apathy & Deception

How the
fuck am
I going
to get
through
today
when I
can’t even
open my
eyes?

Why the
fuck am
I even
bothering
today
when
my life
is just
a myriad
of lies?

30/07/2019 6