Tag: Madness

Tuesday

I called in sick for work today.

My heart just couldn’t come out to play.

All I’ve done is lie in bed

Filled with thoughts of fear and dread.

With nausea consuming every movement,

My mood shows no sign of improvement.

I hate existing like this.

Full of anger, self loathing and all that shit.

I wonder how much more emotion can I conceal

Before I decide to end it all for real

6

Not Long Now

Each day
brings another
false hope

And an earth
shattering
new low

I’m really just
biding my
time now

Waiting
until it’s my
turn to go

0

Sham(e)

I got
bored of
this shit
a long
time ago

These
endless
tales of
sadness
and woe

With eyes
that burn
from the
tears that
flow

I loathe
myself
more than
you’ll
ever know

11

Out With A Bang

What is this
stabbing pain
in my chest?

Why is it
causing me
such unrest?

Fingers
crossed it’s
a heart attack

Then I
can leave
this place

And never
have to
come back

8

Soon

Life
has been
so much better
without
your bullshit
in it

Now
I know
for sure
I’ll soon be
removing you
from it

3

Reassured

The relief
is palpable

My anxiety
is pacified

Our normality
is restored

Thank fuck
you replied

0

Power

I’ve walked
along
this road
before

Feeling
lonely
and
insecure

At least
this time
I know
for sure

You
cannot
hurt me
anymore

9

08.08

So it’s another birthday

And what a day it has been

If I’d have known last year

What I know now

I would have jacked it all in

But I suppose now it’s time

At this ripe old age

And much to my chagrin

To find a way of moving forward

And discover the strength within

7

Perpetual Brightness

This heat is exhausting,
It’s too much for me to bear.
My feet feel like they are on fire,
Sweat dripping from my hair.

I sit and pray for some relief,
Perhaps a cool calming breeze.
Something to help me ease the pain,
A salvation from this awful disease.

6

The Burden

If
only
I knew
what to do

I
would
not be so
reliant on you

If
only
I knew
how to grieve

It
would be
so much easier
to let you leave

If
only
I knew
who to be

I’d
thank you
for your help
then set you free

0

A Long Forty Eight Hours

If you stare
at the same four walls
for long enough,
a fifth can start
to appear.

Perhaps it’s then
you’re supposed to
realise that
the end is near.

If you stare
at the same four walls
for long enough,
your mind can
start to bend.

Perhaps it’s then
you’re supposed to
know it’s the
beginning of the end.

9

The Drudgery

Another
day spent
trudging
through
the
sludge
of life
still
refusing
to budge
forever
trying to
avoid the
judgement
of those
who secretly
hold a
grudge
against me

2

Careless

Waking up to find that,
once again,
I’ve lost my mind
at some point
during the night…

0

No Air

It’s too hot to think
as I sit here on the brink
of yet another nervous breakdown…

4

The Trip

I’m done
with
this shithole
today

I’m packing
up and
running
away

Far
from where
the sun
can catch me

And to where
the pleasure
of pain
distracts me

0

I Already Know

I already
know I’m
a piece
of shit

I don’t
need you
to remind
me of it

I already
know I’m
a bitter
old crone

I don’t need
you pointing
out that I’ll
forever be alone

I already
know my
cuts are
too deep

I don’t
need you
to watch
them weep

I already
know that
I’m dead
inside

I don’t need
you telling me
there’s nowhere
left to hide

4

When Will It End?

Biting my nails
until they bleed,
doesn’t give me
the relief I need.

Scratching my skin
until it’s breaking,
doesn’t stop my
heart from aching.

When will it end,
this pain I’m feeling?
When does it stop,
when do I start healing?

0

Depression (Part 2)

Eat until you’re sick
Snap until you bruise
Run until you’re limp
Drink shit loads of booze

Spend until you’re skint
Sleep until you’re sore
Cry until you’re empty
Sleep around like a whore

Shout until you’re hoarse
Cut until you bleed
Work until you drop
Smoke a shedload of weed

Lie until you’re spent
Smile until you’re alone
Write until you’re wrung
Forget all you’ve ever known

3

The Struggle

When you see me, you see the finished article.

Washed, dressed, hair in place, make up on and a smile on my face.

But you don’t see what it takes to get there.

You don’t see me trying to muster the strength to open my eyes in the morning.

You don’t see me forcing my weary bones out of bed.

You don’t see me berating myself as I sob in the shower.

You don’t see me looking in the mirror as I question whether or not today is the day.

You don’t see me wracked with indecision on what to wear.

You don’t see me soothing my pain as I twist and pull out my hair.

You don’t see me apply make up in the hope it makes me disappear.

You don’t see me riddled with anxiety as I lurk in the doorway.

You don’t see me breathing deeply before finally pushing open the office door.

When you see me, you see the finished article.

But just because you don’t see the struggle, doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.

Just because you see me smile, it doesn’t mean it’s real.

How I look, is not how I feel.

18

Apologies

I’m sorry I act like I don’t care,

I’m sorry it seems like I’m rarely there.

I’m sorry it looks like I don’t even try,

I’m sorry that you’ve never see me cry.

I’m sorry I never appear in a hurry,

I’m sorry I always make you worry.

I’m sorry I can’t be who you want me to be.

But most of all I’m just sorry for being me.

4

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