I’m not here
For your pleasure
I don’t exist
To be your toy
As from now,
Myself,
I have reclaimed
For me alone
To enjoy
"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
I’m not here
For your pleasure
I don’t exist
To be your toy
As from now,
Myself,
I have reclaimed
For me alone
To enjoy
I don’t know who
You think you are
Walking around
All giddy
And bright
It’s as if you think
A cheeky wink
Will make it
All alright
Well I’m here to say
It’s not ok
And for your sins
You must pay
So sometime soon
This recent boon
Will end much
To your dismay
As the thunder claps
And the heavens open
I search through the scraps
Of what you have broken
Wearing away
My heart and soul
Destroying me was
Your only goal
So with your daggers
You proceeded
Until I was broken
And you’d succeeded
You could try
A little harder
He said
And not be afraid
To commit
Why would I
Even bother
She said
When your heart’s
Not even in it
That’s it
I’m done
I have had
Enough
There is no
More smooth
To soften
The rough
And I know
That I seem
Pretty hardy
And tough
But trust me
I’m made
Of nothing like
The stuff
The decision
Was harder
When I thought
People cared
Now I know
They’re indifferent
I’m not
Even scared
The more
I look
The more
I see
And I really
Don't like
What's in front
Of me
After all
The effort
I put in
You’d think
I’d learn
To enjoy it
But I know
Before long
I’ll start
To feel wronged
And then
I’ll just fucking
Destroy it
How many times more likely
Would it be if you asked politely
I mean I’d let you do
Whatever you wanted to
If you just spoke to me nicely
To acclaim and adulation
Of late I’ve been besieged
But that’s just what happens
When your mind blackens
And suffers a containment breach
(Inspired by a writing prompt offered by Michael at https://afterwards.blog)
You’d think I’d know
This route by now
As I’ve travelled it
So many times
Yet I always see
Something new to me
As I traverse
These railway lines
Stick another log
She said
In the fire
And see if that quells
Your desire
I think
I’ll freeze
To death today
It’s not like
I’ll feel it
Anyway
I commend
Your curiosity
I absolutely do
The fact
That I’m not
Remotely arsed
Says far more
About me
Than you
I pray to God
For no leaves on the line
So that nothing derails
This heart of mine
I’m glad
It all
Was good
For you
And that
It worked
Out well
Now I
Will just
Stay here
Alone
Languishing
In hell
Don’t be scared
He said
Now you’ve shared
I’ll keep your secret
‘Til the end
If they ever found out
She said
I’m not that devout
I fear chaos
Would descend
Of course
It’s raining
Outside
Just now
Why the fuck
Wouldn’t it be?
Because
I’ve come out
Without a coat
And the joke
Is always
On me
Now I can take
Longer strokes
And can draw
Bigger breaths
Perhaps one day
I’ll swim away
And escape
These murky depths
(Compass)ion
It must
be so easy
for you
Loving
your life
as you do
But spare a
thought for
the likes of me
Who drown
in a sea of
melancholy
(Originally Posted 23.02.2020)
It wasn’t that
After our spat
I just put up
The ‘no vacancies’ sign
But I sold the whole
B & B
And left all your bullshit
Behind
No Vacancies
I don’t
want you
to visit
When all
you bring
is pain
I’d rather
stay home
alone
And break
this toxic
chain
(Originally Posted 23.02.2020)
Those oceans feel
A little calmer now
As those days
Have passed me by
So from here
I’ll just tread water
Hoping for help
Before I die
The Drowning Girl
Tears
run into
oceans
Hours
bleed into
days
As I go
through
the motions
Trapped
between
the waves
(Originally Posted 21.01.2021)
A family now
Torn apart
Proved fertile ground
For my art
Finding Fault
All
you
do
He
said
Is
whine
and
moan
I’m
surprised
anyone
reads
this
pish
Well,
maybe
if you
She
said
Weren’t
such a
prick
My
words
wouldn’t
so easily
flourish
(Originally Posted 10.01.2021)
We’ve reached that time
In our run
Where things are beginning
To come undone
Words once so profound
Are now old and cruddy
Our parts played mostly
By the understudy
It’s such a shame
To see it end this way
And that soon our house
Will stage a different play
Theatrics
Of the love
I feel for you
I have never been
More certain
So much so
It is now time
To drop
The safety curtain
So then we can
With a fiery gusto
Both just get on
With performing our show
(Originally Posted 01.01.2021)
It’s like saying hello
To your oldest friend
But seeing them is conflicting
You enjoy the sting
Of the comfort they bring
But not of the wounds you’re inflicting
Scabs
Picking at these circles
All itchy, bloody and raw
Wondering why
The fuck am I
Doing this shit again for
(Originally Posted 24.11.2020)
Early this morning
Whilst stood on the street
The plumpest wee robin
Landed at my feet
It looked like she’d managed
To escape her cage
And that she was ready
To face winter’s rage
Unfathomable Cruelty
Only I
know why
the caged
bird sings
It’s because
some bastard
clipped it’s
wings
Yet as the
tears rise
and the
anger stings
The bird
knows it’s
just one of
those things
(Originally Posted 22.11.2019)
Here I am stuck
In this carriage again
Honestly,
I could scream
I’m forever trying
To reach the end
Yet I always run out
Of steam
‘Forever Delayed’
Brought
to a
standstill
By leaves
on the
line ahead
Yet
another
signal
point
failure
Oh how
I wish
I’d stayed
in bed
(Originally Posted 05.11.2019)
If only I’d tried harder
I could have fought you more
If only I’d been smarter
I could have won the war
Fade To Black
Pull down the stars
Put out the sun
I’ve had enough
You have won
(Originally Posted 23.10.2020)
I am pretty sure
I’ll give up soon
When I find a moment
That is opportune
I’ll say goodbye
Just after nightfall
And put down my pen
Once and for all
Done In
There’s
only so
much I
can write
Before
I go
to sleep
tonight
My
eyes are
heavy and
overtired
My
heart is
weary and
overfired
(Originally Posted 22.10.2019)
They sense my attempt
To avoid them, the pack,
So they change their course
Quick smart
For there’s nothing more appealing
Than an injured woman concealing
The stench
Of her bleeding heart
Prey
The
wolves
are on
their
hunt
again
I can
hear
them
whine
and
howl
They
are
already
stalking
me,
I know,
For
you’ve
told
them
where
to prowl
(Originally Posted 14.10.2019)
I’m not usually very good
With metaphors
But this one is pretty neat
Then I guess it would be
As it was conceived
While in the back seat of a Mini
Car Trouble
Nothing makes this better
Everything makes it worse
A body straining in first gear
But a mind stuck in reverse
(Originally Posted 28.09.2019)
Nothing prepares them
For what’s to come
The devastation
And then some
All I can say
As I watch them have fun
Is just be there for them
When they are done
Piercing
It looks
like this
situation
I may have
misjudged
As not
once did I
think it
would hurt
this much
(Originally Posted 09.09.2019)
You may be surprised
To learn in fact
This one doesn’t refer
To a suicide pact
It is actually based
On my favourite date
When we took MDMA
And left the rest to fate
Eternity
Counting the days
Counting the hours
You bring the wine
I’ll bring the flowers
Counting the minutes
Counting the seconds
We’ll both take a pill
As eternity beckons
(Originally Posted 15.08.2019)
Next time
I’ll buy my own
Tarnished
That
ring you
gave me
yesterday
Has
turned
my finger
green
A more
appropriate
metaphor
for our
relationship
I have
never seen
(Originally Posted 13.08.2019)
No longer the main attraction
I have been consigned to the basement
As people couldn’t touch
They stopped looking as much
And so they wheeled out my replacement
Life as a Relic
It’s like
I’m now
a museum
exhibit
Everyone
is welcome
to stop
and stare
But there
is no
touching
allowed
(Originally Posted 27.07.2019)
If our case was
To be heard again
In any court of law
You know it would end
With your actions condemned
And you locked behind this door
At Her Majesty’s Pleasure
You were keen to kidnap my kindness.
Happy to hijack hope from my heart.
You smiled whilst you stole my soul,
and laughed as you looted the love from my life.
So why am I the one who is sentenced to this life of solitude,
And you are strolling around out there scot-free?
(Originally Posted 07.07.2019)
To anyone who has ever read
Liked, shared, or commented
You’ve helped more
Than you could know
Without your engagement
There’d be complete derangement
And I’d have ended things
Long ago
Futile
Sometimes,
I depress
myself
As my
thoughts
fill the
page
Why
am I
here
Wasting
everyone’s
time
Hoping
for
someone
to engage
(Originally Posted 06.07.2020)
And who did win out
In the end?
Well it wasn’t you
Was it my friend
All that effort
To leave me crushed
And yet I walked
Before I was pushed
Match Point
Please,
ignore
me
more and
more
each day.
For you’ll
only
push me
further
away.
Please,
glower
at me
more and
more
each week.
For
I won’t
always
turn
the other
cheek.
Please,
isolate me
more and
more
as time
goes on.
For we’ll
see who is
victorious,
when all is
said and done.
(Originally Posted 23.06.2019)
It’ll be you next
When the music stops
So I’ll look away
As your heart drops
An Unwanted Gift
You’ll always carry it with you,
the pain.
You can try to wrap it differently.
Use an alternative box,
choose a shiny wrapping paper.
Secure it with ribbon,
Even glue on a fucking huge bow,
if you like.
But you’ll still carry it with you,
the pain.
Like a gaudy present nobody wants to open.
An unwanted gift you can never return.
(Originally Posted 28.04.2019)
Head in pain
Lying out in the rain
Wondering how
I’ll ever love again
NFA
If home
is where
the heart is,
then I’m
currently
of no
fixed abode.
(Originally Posted 15.04.2019)
How about this
He said
For an interesting notion
Perhaps you’re not
Dead inside
But just allergic to emotion
Far more terrifying
Than any soul left behind
Are the ghouls camped out permanently
In the corners of my mind
I wish it was you
Underneath the mask
Instead of this (second rate)
Tribute act
My body may be
At 35,000ft
But my mind
Is anything
But cruising
I will not
Say yes now
Just like I didn’t
Then
I’ve always known
It wasn’t
For me
Even
Way back when
You sit and admire my beauty
As you gently applaud my grace
Yet my feet are bleeding
And I’m not eating
All for that smile on your face
I really couldn’t give a fuck
If you say it’s yours or not
I will take whatever I want
And leave you here to rot
If we leave things like this
He said
Tell me you won’t self destruct
I can’t make any promises
She said
As my head is completely fucked
Is this all I am to you
Just an object in a cage
Here only to be gawped at
Never allowed to engage
Well let me tell you something
That I know to be true
How from my prison I can see
The only animal here is you
I’m not who you think I am
She said
There’s been many times I’ve lied
I knew from the moment we met
He said
That this wouldn’t be cut and dried
I’m finally closing the curtains
In the windows of my mind
Another bleeding heart
With wisdom left to impart
You will have to find
I’m not sure anyone cares
Let alone if anyone reads
Surely there’s better things to do
Than to wade between my weeds
If
your
life
is a
traffic
jam
Then
just
step
out of
the
car
What’s the point
In laying down grit
When there’s all that ice
Still underneath it
Looking up to the sky
This foreboding feeling grows
As I see the unkindness of ravens
And hear the murder of crows
The broadband
Isn’t the only unstable connection
In this house
How long will it take
He said
For you to see
The wood for the trees
I don’t know
She said
But one thing’s for sure
In the end, everyone leaves
Things should be better now
He said
They certainly shouldn’t be worse
I really hope so
She said
For I can’t live with this curse
Presenter 1: ‘And the award for the biggest lie of them all goes to…’
(drum roll)
Presenters 1 & 2 in unison: ‘…I’m Fine!’
(applause)
Voiceover: ‘And collecting the award tonight are Honestly and I Promise, who both played a key role in supporting I’m Fine in the 2020 film ‘How Are You Today’
You’re in the supermarket on a cold winters day.
You’re minding your own business, pushing your trolley and checking items off your list when your nose twitches at the smell of freshly baked bread. Tempted, you wander over to the bakery.
Your stomach grumbles as you peruse the counter. Your eyes widen as they drink in the glorious delights on offer. Loaves, rolls, buns, cakes, pastries, biscuits, tarts: each as tantalising as the next. After much internal deliberation you finally decide which one to buy.
A chocolate eclair.
You signal your selection to the assistant who hands you your prize in a cardboard box, neatly tied with ribbon. You carefully place the box at the far end of your trolley, safely stowed away from heavier household goods that might roll around and crush it.
You finish the rest of your shopping a little quicker now, somehow lighter of step, and stride with purpose to the checkout.
You hastily pack and pick up your shopping bags but you grip the box tightly in your hand, carrying it safely all the way out to your car.
You drive along with the box calling to you, provocatively, on the passenger seat. You glance over every few minutes, stretching out a protective hand and smiling in anticipation.
You get home and unpack your shopping whilst waiting, impatiently, for the kettle to boil. The box consumes your thoughts as you drum your fingers on the counter top, and your excitement continues to build.
You sit down in your favourite chair and make yourself comfortable. You tenderly untie the ribbon and lift the lid of the box. You lick your lips as your heart quickens and you finally take a bite of the glistening chocolate eclair.
You begin to realise, as you chew, that it doesn’t taste as good as you thought it would.
The cream is artificial and bland. The pastry is soggy and sticks to your cheeks. The chocolate is saccharine and hurts your teeth.
Disappointed, you put the remaining piece of the chocolate eclair back into the box, close the lid and re-tie the ribbon. You throw the box in the bin without a care in the world.
And that’s what love is like.
Being lured in by the chocolate eclair when, all along, you really should have picked the strawberry tart.
(Originally Posted 07.03.2019)
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