Tag: Past

Back At The Fintry Inn

I’m not that girl

You used to know

I killed her off

Many moons ago

Now close your mouth

And dry your eyes

As life isn’t all beer

And scampi fries

6

Moving

I remember the day

We got the keys

Thinking the rest

Would be a breeze

But now I sit and rot

All alone

In what should have been

Our forever home

6

It Still Hurts

I know

That you’re

In love

With her

But please spare

A thought

For me

I know we

Were bereft

And that’s why

You left

But you were once

Everything

To me

0

Back Tracking

I remember

When you asked

And all too quckly

I said no

Now I wonder

Having made that blunder

Just how far

I would go

6

Fleeting

If you get

A chance

Of happiness

You should grab it

With both hands

Take it from one

Whose time

Has gone

And so completely

Understands

5

“It Is What It Is”

I hope you don’t mind me asking

He said

But do you think of me

At all?

I’ll remember that night forever

She said

But the rest

I can’t recall

2

We’ll Never Know

If we could go back

What would you do

Stick around for another

Drink or two?

Or would you leave me

There alone

And find someone else

To walk you home

0

“I’ll Probably Never See You Again…”

When I first started 
Posting here 
I was struggling 
To hold on
A deep sadness
Had engulfed me
And all 
Of my hope 
Was gone 

My partner 
Of nigh on
Twenty years 
Had died
Just four months 
Before 
My heart 
Was broken 
And my life,
A token, 
I was failing
To endure 

Because, you see, 
He'd been taken
From me 
In the most horrific way
To witness 
If you've never seen it
I can tell you, 
With feeling, 
Cancer's a cunt
Of an illness 

So I began
To write again
As a way 
To express 
My emotions 
Thinking, 
At best, 
I might get 
Some rest
By recording
My rambling notions 

I knew
From the start 
Some readers 
Would baulk
At the truths 
That I'd lay bare
Suicidal thoughts 
And self harm, 
Of course, 
All referenced 
Without a care

But I had to be 
Authentically me
And reflect 
What I 
Was feeling 
Even though I knew 
The words 
I'd spew 
May leave 
More sensitive readers
Reeling 

And yet here 
I have found
Such a welcoming crowd
Who've helped me
Hugely 
When times were tough 
For their patience,
Kindness, 
And understanding 
I could never 
Thank them 
Enough 

So if you find
From here on in
That I'm no longer posting
As often 
Please know that you are, 
In no small part, 
The reason
I've started 
To soften 

And as for me 
Well, I will see
If I can continue 
To reduce 
My pain
But I'll take
Some comfort
And feel
A little triumphant 
Knowing, 
At least, 
I entertained 

❤️
72

In Retrospect

That’s the problem

With the past

As humans,

We tend to rose tint it

When in actual fact

If we really look back

It wasn’t quite like

How we wished it

Misrepresentation

The old days

Weren’t that good

Trust me,

I remember

(Originally Posted 27.02.2020)

0

Re-traumatisation Is Re-al

You can stop

Telling me

That it helps

To talk about

This shit

As you have

No notion

Of why

I’ve chosen

To keep

A lid on it

The Shrink

The
pain
is
buried
so
deep

She
said

I
don’t
think
it’ll
ever
re-surface

Then
we
should
leave
it
where
it is

He
said

Breaking
your
heart
(again)
isn’t
worth
it

(Originally Posted 21.02.2020)

0

Uproar

So much changes

When your partner dies

Infinitely more

Than you would ever realise

Soul Bar(e)ing

I mourn
the loss
of us

Even more
than the
loss of
you

(Originally Posted 23.01.2020)

0

Rarer

I can get through

Most days now

Without crying

Over you

But sometimes it hits

Like a ton of bricks

And there is nothing

I can do

Recurring

The tears I cried

When you died

Will never fully dry

For with each day

Dawns a new array

Of pain I can’t deny

Xxx

(Originally Posted 22.01.2021)

4

The Widow’s Curse

It’s hard at times

For me to explain

As I want to protect you

From feeling my pain

And it’s never your fault

When I’m triggered like this

But when you hold my hand

It reminds me of his

‘Hand In Glove’

Some days
your hand
fits
perfectly
in mine

Our love
flows freely
and
sparkles
like wine

Some days
I can’t
bear
to hold
your hand

For
reasons
you
couldn’t
understand

(Originally Posted 21.01.2020)

2

Random #276

“Watering down your pain so others feel less guilty is not being the ‘bigger person’.

It’s suppression. And it’s wrong.”

– Anon

4

‘At The Cemetery Gates’

It’s such a shame to see

He said

They just never stood a chance

It’s their own fucking fault

He said

For ever believing in romance

In Loving Memory

The girl you knew is gone

She said

Killed by love itself

You don’t need to tell me

He said

For I dug her grave myself

(Originally Posted 18.01.2022)

2

Random #269

There was a naughty boy
And a naughty boy was he,
He ran away to Scotland
The people for to see–
Then he found
That the ground
Was as hard,
That a yard
Was as long,
That a song
Was as merry,
That a cherry
Was as red–
That lead
Was as weighty,
That fourscore
Was as eighty,
That a door
Was as wooden
As in England–
So he stood in his shoes
And he wondered,
He wondered,
He stood in his shoes
And he wondered.

4

Random #268

Shaking cream on Christmas Day while listening to Mary of the Fourth Form by the Boomtown Rats

Playing record
my Christmas present
shaking cream
after turkey treat,
lid open, cream spills,
Dad’s jacket ruined
Dad’s temper flares
record broken
Terrible Christmas.

Dad’s Version

Turn music down
Awful hangover
Sean shake cream
I’m starving
What happened?
You’re sorry!
Jacket ruined
My Christmas present
That’ll teach you.
Terrible Christmas.

– Sean Hughes

0

‘the weirdness flows between us’

The worst is in the office

With the radio on

And no-one bats an eyelid

When they play our favourite song

Xxx

Name That Tune

People play
those songs

With no notion
of this pain

No idea that
when I hear them

My heart bleeds
for you again

(Originally Posted 18.12.2019)

0

Random #263

“Come away, O human child!
To the waters and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand,
For the world’s more full of
weeping than you can
understand.”

– W. B Yeats

2

Imperfectly Perfect

All those memories

Good and bad

Making me smile

Driving me mad

Yet lying here

It makes me sad

As we never knew

Quite what we had

The Old Days

Waking along
this empty street

Splashing puddles
with my feet

I remember when
we used to meet

And my broken heart
skips a beat

(Originally Posted 05.12.2019)

2

‘Purple Haze’

It doesn’t hurt as much

To look nowadays

But I’ll admit

That I don’t too often

As some of the things

We got up to back then

Are probably

Best forgotten

Polaroid Memories

I can no
longer
look at
at your
face

My
eyes I
have to
sheathe

For
tears
begin
to flow
at pace

And I
can no
longer
breathe

(Originally Posted 28.11.2019)

2

Magnitude

You may well have been dead

Nearly four years to the day

Yet you still have the power

To take my breath away

Xxx

A Different Coat

I cried for
hours this
morning

I found your
notebook in
my pocket

Now I’ve
started to
read it

I don’t
know how
to stop it

(Originally Posted 19.11.2019)

10

Upping Sticks

When I think over

These last few years

I really have suffered a lot

So my house may well

Now be up for sale

But my heart definitely is not

Home Sweet Home

They say
you can
never go
home
again

And I’m
starting
to believe
that’s
true

For all
that resides
here now
is a world
of pain

And
far too
many
memories
of you

(Originally Posted 17.11.2019)

0

Random #255

“The darkened space of The King’s Head downstairs room. Tuesday nights are set aside for poetry.

Every week they discussed the purpose of poetry in modern society, and every week they came to the same conclusion.

That poetry is enlightenment.

It’s questioning the norm, to try to find an understanding, to push forward ideas, to discover half truths, to open a forum for debate, to bring people together.”

– Sean Hughes

0

Random #251

“and we didn’t love each other
but we helped each other forget
that life is shit”

– Sean Hughes

0

Random #245

“Stop breaking yourself down into bite sized pieces to serve others. Stay whole and let them choke.”

– Anon

4

Mistaking Kindness For Desire

I have never spoken

About that night

As to betray him

Would be be unfair

He only hit on me

Because he was ill, you see,

And his ability to judge

Impaired

Indiscretion

It was
what
it was

And
whilst
we
had
fun

Now
it is
what
it is

The
guilt
has
begun

(Originally Posted 01.10.2019)

0

Random #242

‘And every time I scratch my nails down someone else’s back I hope you feel it.

Well, can you feel it?’

2

Random #241

“Some kill their love when they are young,
And some when they are old;
Some strangle with the hands of Lust,
Some with the hands of Gold:
The kindest use a knife, because
The dead so soon grow cold.”

– Oscar Wilde

0

There’s Always One

I’m sure that we can all recount

How we met our lovers

But some such stories

Of our former glories

Are more significant than others

Xxx

That Split Second

When I saw you
sleeping there

I couldn’t help
but stop and stare

Probably because
I was drunk too

Although nowhere
near as drunk as you

(Originally Posted 15.09.2019)

4

Round And Round In Circles

I guess

Looking back

You can’t be sure

Why you did the things you did

Reflection, it seems,

Isn’t for the dead

It is the curse

For those who live

Happy

I
miss
you

I
miss
us

I wish we
could just
go back

To
how it
was

Before
all
of this

Before
things turned
to shit

And we
were
happy

Because
we were
happy

I
was
happy

Wasn’t I?

(Originally Posted 13.09.2019)

2

Random #238

‘You want it
You’ve got it
You took it all from me
My cheque book, my wallet
My pride and dignity…’

4

Random #237

‘Some things are more important than ability’

Advert for a young guitar player, NME, 1989

2

The Bookshop (2)

I went back into that bookshop

Just for old times sake

And although they played

A different song today

I still remembered our first date

The Bookshop (1)

I went
in there
just now

The one
I went into
with you

They were
playing
your song
on the radio

And because
you would
have smiled,
I smiled too

(Originally Posted 08.09.2019)

6

His Best Friend

We both met up again last night

And as we held each other tight

We reveled in our connection to you

Before parting in the morning hue

Your Birthday

Yesterday
we
remembered
you.

Together,
in this
city, just
us two.

We laughed,
and smoked
and drank
too much beer.

Both of us
wishing you
were still
fucking here.

Xxx

(Originally Posted 08.09.2019)

2

Pop. 612,040 (+1)

In this city

I once called home

I know I could never

Feel alone

Coming Home

It’s not
that I
love this
city

It’s that
I love
who I am
when I’m here

(Originally Posted 08.09.2019)

0

Random #236

“And I wonder
When I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again”

0

Letting It Out

Sometimes it is sadness

Sometimes it’s deep frustration

But mostly it’s just

That I still feel lost

In this whole fucking situation

Hold Me

Words
can
not
describe
the
hurt

As my
tears
fall
onto
your
shirt

Xxx

(Originally Posted 07.09.2020)

2

This

I reach
for his
hand

Every
day

But
nothing
makes

The
pain
go away

That

It’s
just not
right

That you
won’t be
here when
I look
tonight

It’s
just not
fair

That I’ll
reach for
your hand
and it won’t
be there

(Originally Posted 07.09.2019)

4

#25 The Conductor

I wrote this one

On a train

Making my way

Back home again

I remember she asked me

Why it was I cried

‘Because he’s dead’

I replied

The Removal Van

All
my dreams
are dead.

All that’s left
is this room
inside my head,

Where you
once lived.

I wish
you’d move
back in.

(Originally Posted 07.09.2019)

0

A Poor Substitute

I made one into a pillow

To keep with me in bed

But there’s no point in denying

I’ve spent many a night crying

Wishing it was you instead

Your Shirt

I still have it.

Your shirt.

I can feel it.

I can smell it.

I just wish you were still here.

Wearing it.

(Originally Posted 06.09.2019)

4

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