Tag: self harm

Proof

These scars

Are the

Remainder

Of everything

You killed

So now

They’re my

Reminder

That I know

How to rebuild

5

“The Demons In Your Head”

You thought

You’d stop

Didn’t you?

And you’d never

Touch me again

That you wouldn’t

Need knives

Or razor blades

To cope

With all your pain

Yet here you are

With scissors

Poised to plunge

Into your skin

What a stupid bitch

To think you could switch

And that I

Would never win

2

Sanguine

I wouldn’t expect you

To understand

Your skin acts

As a protective layer

But mine is a seal

To be broken

For discharging misery

And despair

Scenes Some Viewers May Find Upsetting

It’s
not
self harming

It’s
self
soothing

(Originally Posted 10.02.2020)

2

Unaffected

It would be really helpful

She said

If you took it down a notch

It’s not like I’m asking for approval

She said

Or for you to fucking watch

Lack Of Understanding

You can’t
keep
hurting
yourself

He
said

For
I can’t
bear to
see it

The
only
problem
is

She
said

It’s
not
about you,
is it?

(Originally Posted 20.01.2020)

2

It’s Not What I Dreamt Of Either

We hate it

They say

When you act that way

Hurting yourself

Really saddens us

If only

I say

There was another way

As this is hardly

Fucking glamorous

Unsafe Thoughts

Please,
take
away
my
knives

And put
those
razors
in the
bin

For
the
urge
to cut
is rising

To
bleed
out the
pain
within

(Originally Posted 09.01.2020)

2

It Always Worked Before

Whether it’s from

The scars on my arms

Or from the words

That I have written

I think it may be best

If I take a rest

And go back

To keeping them hidden

Cutting

I scythe these words

Across the page

To allow my pain to flow

I find it leaves

Much less of a scar

Than some other ways I know

(Originally Posted 05.01.2021)

16

Trauma Breeds Trauma

It started off

Innocently enough

But the problem was

It worked

The desire then grew

And deep down I knew

How I’d forever quench

My thirst

‘Slash & Burn’

Skin somewhat healing

And yet I’m still reeling

As my heart slowly withers

Is there a more appealing

Way to cope with this feeling

Other than with a pair of scissors?

(Originally Posted 15.12.2020)

0

Scarred For Life

It’s like saying hello

To your oldest friend

But seeing them is conflicting

You enjoy the sting

Of the comfort they bring

But not of the wounds you’re inflicting

Scabs

Picking at these circles

All itchy, bloody and raw

Wondering why

The fuck am I

Doing this shit again for

(Originally Posted 24.11.2020)

4

Deploy The Safety Net

Remove the paracetamol

And hide the razor blades

As I feel like shit

Again today

So you need to take the reins

The Daily Struggle

I went back to bed

Three times today

To try to dream

This pain away

Yet it didn’t work

So now I’m awake

Do I have any choice

But my life to take?

(Originally Posted 16.11.2020)

11

Accepting What I Cannot Change

If you’re talking about my arms

She said

Then the urge I could try to park

But if you mean my wit

She said

That’ll always be razor sharp

Spitting Distance

We
could
have
had
it
all

She
said

But
now
we’re
left
with
nothing

Maybe
we’d
have
been
okay

He
said

Had you
not been
so fucking
cutting

(Originally Posted 30.10.2020)

0

The Feeling

It started out quite innocently

When I was just a kid

I used to pull my hair out

To stop me flipping my lid

But then as I grew older

Things took a darker turn

A wee nick here

A wee cut there

Sometimes even a burn

It’s not something I’m proud of

Or something anyone should aspire to do

But I can’t deny

That down the line

It’s those things that got me through

Thoughts #4

Sliced wide open again

For all the world to see

If only there was

Another way

To let the poison free

(Originally Posted 07.10.2021)

2

‘You Can’t Handle The Truth’

If you were to see

Who I am inside

You would simply run

Away and hide

It’s not as though

I have ever lied

But to quell the beast

I’ve always tried

Hidden

There’s
so much
of me

You
never
see

So many
things
I do

That are
hidden
from view

I know you
won’t believe
it’s true

But it’s
my way of
protecting you

(Originally Posted 22.09.2019)

0

Short Sleeves

Once, I thought

I had no choice

But my innermost feeling to hide

But now I know

That given room to grow

I can wear my scars with pride

Another Notch

A
little
nick
here

A
little
cut
there

It
doesn’t
hurt
anymore

Not
that
I’d
care…

(Originally Posted 19.09.2019)

2

Long Sleeves All Year Round

You can work through your issues

Until they’re no longer discernable

But it’s important to remember

Not all the results are reversible

The Sting

If
I had
never
gone
down
this
path

It
wouldn’t
hurt
so
much
in the
bath

(Originally Posted 19.08.2020)

2

The No Escape Room

It’s a word I use a lot

‘Abyss’

Reading back now

I have noticed

I hadn’t quite realised

How numb

I’d become

Or how dissociated I was

When I wrote this

Dwelling

Pain helps, momentarily.

It provides a fleeting relief.

Then the numbness returns

And living inside this emotionless abyss, continues.

(Originally Posted 12.07.2019)

6

How It Manifests

It isn’t just restricting

That should raise a red flag

Sometimes when you’re binging

It can be just as bad

Once More For The Cheap Seats

If
only
I was
wasting
away

Maybe
it would
be easier
to explain

Why my
heart is
broken and
my tongue
is tied

And
I live
each day
in pain

(Originally Posted 20.05.2020)

4

Seeing Stars

As my cuts bleed

I beg and plead

That this pain

Will be my last

Internal Bleeding

Words
can’t
explain

This
eternal
ache

It
hurts
so much

When
I’m
awake

(Originally Posted 17.05.2020)

7

Relieved

The scars I carry

Across my body

May well be off the chart

But now I focus

On pulling myself together

Instead of tearing myself apart

Relief

As I
open
up my
scars

The
blood
flows
once
more

As I
begin
to see
stars

I fall,
sated,
to the
floor

(Originally Posted 03.04.2020)

13

Elastic Bands

I try far less

Nowadays

And for that I am glad

For there’s only so many

Scars I can bear

And so many stitches

To be had

Hiding The Knives

No amount
of blood,
sweat and
tears

Will ever
be enough
to assuage
these fears

Believe
me

I’ve
tried

(Originally Posted 21.03.2020)

15

Thoughts #4

Sliced wide open again

For all the world to see

If only there was

Another way

To let the poison free

17

Two Steps Back

Words don’t cut it

Anymore

So it’s back to the knives

Instead

I really thought

I was over this

But the trauma demon

Has to be fed

26

The Support Group

I do not come here

Every week

Looking for praise or reward

For I don’t deserve

Any of those things

Of that I have been assured

16

If You Like

Stitch my wounds, if you like
I want to feel the pain
Don't call me a silly girl
For I'll only do it again

Ask me why, if you like
But you will never understand
The need, the comfort, the urgency
Those scissors close at hand

Leave me here, if you like
Walk away if you dare
Just remember I never asked for your help
Or your tender loving care

Forget I exist, if you like
It will not bother me one bit
For I'll always have my trusty blade
And carry my own first aid kit

(Originally Posted 08.04.2019)
4

The Mirror

Hair crunchy like straw
Brain burst with chaos
Eyes darkened shadows
Arteries slick with grease
Lips rough as sandpaper
Cheeks stained with tears
Skin cracked and weeping
Forearms heavily scarred
Liver soaked with alcohol
Heart cold as granite

I hate looking in the mirror
For I do not like what I see
I shall stop looking in the mirror
For I do not like me

(Originally Posted 05.04.2019)

24

Cutting

I scythe these words

Across the page

To allow my pain to flow

I find it leaves

Much less of a scar

Than other ways I know

22

‘Slash & Burn’

Skin somewhat healing

Yet I’m still left reeling

As my heart slowly withers

Is there a more appealing

Way of coping with this feeling

Other than by using scissors?

13

Unhealthy Choices

Sitting
here
with
nothing
to do

And
yet my
mind is
crowded

This
is when
things
go wrong

When my
judgement
becomes
clouded

14

Precision

Just be
careful
not to
slip

Not one
ounce of
blood to
drip

For you
don’t want
them to
see

Just how
messed
up you
can be

13

Relief

As I
open
up my
scars

The
blood
flows
once
more

As I
begin
to see
stars

I fall,
sated,
to the
floor

7

999

God
knows
why I
didn’t
wake up
dead

Or why
I didn’t
think
to plan
this far
ahead

8

(A) Pathetic (Part One)

Here

Another
pill

Now
just
stay
still

Don’t
dare
scratch
that
itch

You’ll
just
pull
out
another
stitch

Then
once
again
you
will
bleed
everywhere

And
I
will
have
to
pretend
I
care

12

Bleeding

It feels
like I’ve
been robbed

Of the
only love
in my life

This pain
runs deep,
she sobbed,

As it cuts
through me
like a knife

8

Harm Reduction

I’ve been
trying
so hard
to break
this chain

So I’ve
drawn on
my arms
with Biro
again

At least,
this time,
it’s just
a token

And my
skin,
for now,
remains
unbroken

8

Harsh Truth

It can
be a
hard
lesson
to learn

When
you’re
at the
point of
no return

That
nobody
actually
gives
a shit

Whether
you decide
to stay
or to
end it

11

Moods

Ups and downs,

Peaks and troughs,

But the darkness?

That never stops…

7

Yes Sir, No Sir

Okay,
okay,
I accept
defeat.

I’ll get up,
get dressed,
drink tea,
eat.

I’ll take
the pills
you say
I need.

I’ll be a
good girl
like we
agreed.

9

Scissors

It’s time
to put you
back in
your box

To fasten
the lid
and change
the locks

I cannot
continue
down this
path

For if I
do there
is no way
back

8

When Will It End?

Biting my nails
until they bleed,
doesn’t give me
the relief I need.

Scratching my skin
until it’s breaking,
doesn’t stop my
heart from aching.

When will it end,
this pain I’m feeling?
When does it stop,
when do I start healing?

0

Depression (Part 2)

Eat until you’re sick
Snap until you bruise
Run until you’re limp
Drink shit loads of booze

Spend until you’re skint
Sleep until you’re sore
Cry until you’re empty
Sleep around like a whore

Shout until you’re hoarse
Cut until you bleed
Work until you drop
Smoke a shedload of weed

Lie until you’re spent
Smile until you’re alone
Write until you’re wrung
Forget all you’ve ever known

3

Dwelling

Pain helps, momentarily.

It provides a fleeting relief.

Then the numbness returns.

And living inside this emotionless abyss, continues.

0

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