‘You Can’t Handle The Truth’

If you were to see

Who I am inside

You would simply run

Away and hide

It’s not as though

I have ever lied

But to quell the beast

I’ve always tried


Hidden

There’s
so much
of me

You
never
see

So many
things
I do

That are
hidden
from view

I know you
won’t believe
it’s true

But it’s
my way of
protecting you

(Originally Posted 22.09.2019)

Short Sleeves

Once, I thought

I had no choice

But my innermost feeling to hide

But now I know

That given room to grow

I can wear my scars with pride


Another Notch

A
little
nick
here

A
little
cut
there

It
doesn’t
hurt
anymore

Not
that
I’d
care…

(Originally Posted 19.09.2019)

Long Sleeves All Year Round

You can work through your issues

Until they’re no longer discernable

But it’s important to remember

Not all the results are reversible


The Sting

If
I had
never
gone
down
this
path

It
wouldn’t
hurt
so
much
in the
bath

(Originally Posted 19.08.2020)

The No Escape Room

It’s a word I use a lot

‘Abyss’

Reading back now

I have noticed

I hadn’t quite realised

How numb

I’d become

Or how dissociated I was

When I wrote this


Dwelling

Pain helps, momentarily.

It provides a fleeting relief.

Then the numbness returns

And living inside this emotionless abyss, continues.

(Originally Posted 12.07.2019)

How It Manifests

It isn’t just restricting

That should raise a red flag

Sometimes when you’re binging

It can be just as bad


Once More For The Cheap Seats

If
only
I was
wasting
away

Maybe
it would
be easier
to explain

Why my
heart is
broken and
my tongue
is tied

And
I live
each day
in pain

(Originally Posted 20.05.2020)

Seeing Stars

As my cuts bleed

I beg and plead

That this pain

Will be my last


Internal Bleeding

Words
can’t
explain

This
eternal
ache

It
hurts
so much

When
I’m
awake

(Originally Posted 17.05.2020)

Relieved

The scars I carry

Across my body

May well be off the chart

But now I focus

On pulling myself together

Instead of tearing myself apart


Relief

As I
open
up my
scars

The
blood
flows
once
more

As I
begin
to see
stars

I fall,
sated,
to the
floor

(Originally Posted 03.04.2020)

Elastic Bands

I try far less

Nowadays

And for that I am glad

For there’s only so many

Scars I can bear

And so many stitches

To be had


Hiding The Knives

No amount
of blood,
sweat and
tears

Will ever
be enough
to assuage
these fears

Believe
me

I’ve
tried

(Originally Posted 21.03.2020)

Thoughts #4

Sliced wide open again

For all the world to see

If only there was

Another way

To let the poison free

Two Steps Back

Words don’t cut it

Anymore

So it’s back to the knives

Instead

I really thought

I was over this

But the trauma demon

Has to be fed

The Support Group

I do not come here

Every week

Looking for praise or reward

For I don’t deserve

Any of those things

Of that I have been assured

If You Like

Stitch my wounds, if you like
I want to feel the pain
Don't call me a silly girl
For I'll only do it again

Ask me why, if you like
But you will never understand
The need, the comfort, the urgency
Those scissors close at hand

Leave me here, if you like
Walk away if you dare
Just remember I never asked for your help
Or your tender loving care

Forget I exist, if you like
It will not bother me one bit
For I'll always have my trusty blade
And carry my own first aid kit

(Originally Posted 08.04.2019)

The Mirror

Hair crunchy like straw
Brain burst with chaos
Eyes darkened shadows
Arteries slick with grease
Lips rough as sandpaper
Cheeks stained with tears
Skin cracked and weeping
Forearms heavily scarred
Liver soaked with alcohol
Heart cold as granite

I hate looking in the mirror
For I do not like what I see
I shall stop looking in the mirror
For I do not like me

(Originally Posted 05.04.2019)

Cutting

I scythe these words

Across the page

To allow my pain to flow

I find it leaves

Much less of a scar

Than other ways I know

‘Slash & Burn’

Skin somewhat healing

Yet I’m still left reeling

As my heart slowly withers

Is there a more appealing

Way of coping with this feeling

Other than by using scissors?

Unhealthy Choices

Sitting
here
with
nothing
to do

And
yet my
mind is
crowded

This
is when
things
go wrong

When my
judgement
becomes
clouded

Precision

Just be
careful
not to
slip

Not one
ounce of
blood to
drip

For you
don’t want
them to
see

Just how
messed
up you
can be

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