"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
I remember that night so well
Even though I don’t remember his face
I felt so guilty
Thinking they should commit me
Just for craving his embrace
Guilty
I got lost
in his eyes
when he spoke to me
and, for a moment,
I wondered what
it would be like
to hold his hand.
I’m sorry.
(Originally Posted 30.07.2019)
Take all of your keepsakes
They say
And put them in a box
That way you will always have
A reminder of who you’ve lost
But not everything can be locked away
And it’s those things that you miss
It’s not like a shirt can replace a hug
Or a photo a kiss
Sense (less)
I’m starting to forget.
Your face,
Your voice,
Your touch.
I don’t like it.
(Originally Posted 30.07.2019)
After that night I realised
To quell the fears inside my head
I’d get a much better sleep
If I began to keep
A cricket bat under my bed
Creaky Floorboards
Tonight is
the first time
I’ve felt real fear
Being
home alone
without you here
What if someone
breaks in during
the night?
Will I survive
now you’re not
here to fight?
(Originally Posted 29.07.2019)
There’s a chance this one might work
He said
Proffering her a wand
She near broke his hand
As she snatched it and ran
Before he could even respond
The Magic Shop
What
brings
you
here
He
said
What
can
I do
for
you?
I
just
need
a spell
She
said
To
make
it not
be
true
(Originally Posted 29.07.2020)
I guess
That is
The thing
With scars
They remain
In place
Forever
A showcase
Of the body’s
Memoirs
All those links
It cannot sever
No Way Back
To carry
on living
is proving
too hard
With my mind
and my body
so irrevocably
scarred
(Originally Posted 29.07.2019)
The microdosing experiment was shortlived, thankfully
As if it continued
I think I would’ve broken through that fifth wall
And bricked it up behind me
Never to return
A Long Forty Eight Hours
If you stare
at the same four walls
for long enough,
a fifth can start
to appear.
Perhaps it’s then
you’re supposed to
realise that
the end is near.
If you stare
at the same four walls
for long enough,
your mind can
start to bend.
Perhaps it’s then
you’re supposed to
know it’s the
beginning of the end
(Originally Posted 28.07.2019)
Each a favourite band
To have on hand
When life gets a little bit dark
For there’s nothing finer
Than a guy in eyeliner
To help mend a broken heart
Cure Mode
Enjoying
the
silence
With my
pictures
of you
Running
to your
heart to
be near
And
although
pleasures
remain
As you
fall into
my arms
Equally,
so does
the pain
(Originally Posted 28.07.2020)
I know that here I come across
As someone who speaks their mind
But in reality
Words can often fail me
And my voice is much harder to find
The Jumble Sale
I rummage around inside my head as I search for what to say
But my silence means all you hear is I don’t want you to stay
I rummage around inside my head as I look down to the floor
But my silence means all you hear is I don’t love you anymore
What is painfully sad for both of us is neither of these things are true
But the jumble sale of words in my head prevents me from being honest with you
(Originally Posted 28.07.2019)
No longer the main attraction
I have been consigned to the basement
As people couldn’t touch
They stopped looking as much
And so they wheeled out my replacement
Life as a Relic
It’s like
I’m now
a museum
exhibit
Everyone
is welcome
to stop
and stare
But there
is no
touching
allowed
(Originally Posted 27.07.2019)
They’re not always
About you, you know
These thoughts
Inside my head
Sometimes
I’m more than capable
Of putting myself first
Instead
As If
What’s
that
I
hear
you
say
Don’t
stand
at your
grave
and
weep
I
wouldn’t
piss
on it
If it
was on
fire
You
fucking
egotistical
creep
(Originally Posted 27.07.2020)
There were quite a few before him
As I tried each one for size
But if there’s no more after him
Then I wouldn’t be surprised
Like Lightning
I remember
When
I thought
it was
you
And I
made my
feelings
plain
But
then
I met
him
And
within
seconds
I knew
I’d never
think
about
you
Again
(Originally Posted 26.07.2020)
I really wasn’t well, was I?
Looking back at this
It’s just silo strange, because I
Didn’t realise anything was amiss
The Drudgery
Another
day spent
trudging
through
the
sludge
of life
still
refusing
to budge
forever
trying to
avoid the
judgement
of those
who secretly
hold a
grudge
against me
(Originally Posted 25.07.2019)
This probably would
Have been more apt
For those record temperatures
On Monday last
Whereas here today
The weather is cooler
As as such I feel
In a far better humour
No Air
It’s
too
hot to
think
as
I sit
here
on the
brink
of yet
another
nervous
breakdown…
(Originally Posted 25.07.2019)
I have searched
High and low
Over sea
And underground
So please believe me
When I say
There’s still nary a fuck
To be found
Pretty Sure
I’ll look again,
if you like,
but I’m pretty
sure there’s none.
Fun, happiness,
joy, laughter,
I’m pretty sure
they’ve gone.
(Originally Posted 25.07.2019)
I’m not sure if I’m a masochist
Or just fittingly sentimental
But ever since that day
I haven’t put it away
Which surely can’t be coincidental
The Back of the Wardrobe
I foolishly
made a
mistake
today
I opened
the box
I’d hidden
away
Where the
memories of
our lives
are kept
Along with
all the
tears I’ve
wept
(Originally Posted 25.07.2019)
Things were so hard
For me back then
Every day
My outlook was bleak
And though the worst has passed
I still feel downcast
For at least
One day each week
Not Today
No-one can shield me,
from this pain within.
Nothing can soothe me,
now the rot has set in.
(Originally Posted 24.07.2019)
Some have come and gone
Over the years
But I thank each and every one
Who helped dry my tears
Connections
It’s easier to connect with other writers these days, than it is to any of my friends.
It’s because we understand how shit things are, I think, when the madness descends.
(Originally Posted 24.07.2019)
You said you’d had enough
Back then
That you’d heard it all before
But I always knew
With these words I spew
You’d keep coming back for more
With A Wink
You
really
are
He
said
Without
doubt
The
most
depressing
woman
I’ve
met
Really
She
said
That
is a
shame
As
you
ain’t
seen
nothing
yet
(Originally Posted 23.07.2020)
I guess that’s why folks use Bumble
Grindr, Tinder and Hinge
Virtually searching for a fumble
For digital bodies on which to binge
Blindfolded
They
say
there’s
someone
for
everyone
But
how
can
that
possibly
be?
I’m
surprised
anyone
can
find
anyone
Trapped
in
this
insanity
(Originally Posted 23.07.2020)
It was always a promise
And never a threat
I just haven’t decided
How I’ll do it, yet
Crying Wolf
Remember when I told you
I wished that I was dead
And you thought it was all
Just nonsense in my head
Well maybe now you’ll realise
You will finally get to see
The worst thing that you ever did
Was not to believe me
(Originally Posted 23.07.2021)
I don’t just bitch and whine
She said
I can also be quite nice
That’s why you’re a friend of mine
He said
For both the sugar and the spice
Please Don’t Go
If
I can’t
speak
to you
anymore
Then
who
else is
going to
listen?
There’s
not
many
that
could
tolerate
My
incessant
whining
and
bitching
(Originally Posted 22.07.2020)
If I thought you were capable
Of genuine emotion
Then of course
I would offer to help
But as it is
It’s just crocodile tears
So you can go fuck yourself
Water Off A Duck’s Back
If
you
weep
a little
louder
They
might
hear
you
at the
back
Just
don’t
expect
that
I’ll
listen
As
on me
your
tears
fall
flat
(Originally Posted 22.07.2020)
Out with the old
And in with the new
Time for me to find
Someone better than you
Rose Tinted Glasses
Sometimes a
wander down
memory lane
is no bad
thing
So long
as you can
remember
your way
back
(Originally Posted 22.07.2019)
Perhaps it’s because I’m boring
Or maybe it’s just that I’m mad
But whatever I project
I’m easy to reject
Hence why my social life is so bad
Detached
It
matters
not
If
I go
out
Or if
I stay
at home
As
either
way
Suffice
it to
say
I will
always
end up
alone
(Originally Posted 21.07.2020)
I don’t know why I think
You’d be the same as me
If you were taken to the brink
Of complete insanity
Because you would never feel that way
You are not the same as me
You are far too fucking selfish
And devoid of empathy
The Switch
Why
don’t
you
Swap
places
with me
Sink
to the
depths
That
I have
been
For
if you
were to
suffer
The
way
I do
Perhaps
you
would
feel
The
same
way
too
(Originally Posted 21.07.2020)
I couldn’t have put it
Any more sincerely
As this is me
All over really
The Knight
You come charging in
On your white horse
Thinking you’ll save the world,
Of course
But you’ve nothing to offer
Under all that armour
You don’t fool me,
You little charmer
(Originally Posted 21.07.2019)
Misery loves company
Isn’t that what they say?
Well you and I know
We feel that with gusto
So neither of us
Will be walking way
Bonding
Admit it.
You hate this as much as I do.
It’s what keeps us together.
(Originally Posted 20.07.2019)
I’m not quite sure
If this needs any more
As my request is perfectly clear
Sometimes my implication
Requires no explanation
Just as is the case here
Submission
Ah well
What the heck
Put your hand
Around my neck
And squeeze
(Originally Posted 20.07.2020)
I looked you up
On Facebook
And see you all
Still play that game
Hiding behind
Fake smiles and lies
The pretence
Still the same
Now you’ve heard me say
I walked away
And I’m infinitely glad
I did
As if I had to pose
In any more those photos
I fear by now
I’d have flipped my lid
Picture Perfect
Continue to enjoy
Your sweet little lives
And act as you see fit
I’m just relieved
I no longer suffer
The toxicity that lies
Beneath it
(Originally Posted 20.07.20)
Starting again
With eyes wide shut
More of a chance
I’ll avoid the glut
Different This Time
Starting again
With eyes wide open
Less of a chance
Hearts will be broken
(Originally Posted 19.07.2021)
This was just one route
That I’d considered
Amongst the many others
I had planned
I’d completely lost the plot
I think
In a way not many
Would understand
It seems that I
Had turned that choice
Into some kind of
Romantic notion
Which, it seems
For a while at least
Is how I coped
With my emotions
It took me some time
To best those thoughts
And to comprehend
The brutality of falling
But that’s not to say
They truly went away
And all I’m doing now, really
Is stalling
Look Out!
Falling
Tumbling
Through the air
Wondering
What it’s like
Down there
People standing
Faces aghast
Yet I don’t care
As I breathe my last
(Originally Posted 19.07.2020)
I often wonder
Reading back
Just who these people are
As their conversations
And confrontations
Make up some of my best work by far
Help Me
I never used to be like this
She said
I actually used to be brave
What was it that happened to you
He asked
So much so that you would cave
The world happened
She replied
But you wouldn’t understand
Why don’t you try me
He implored
As he reached for her hand
(Originally Posted 19.07.2019)
Who do I think I’m kidding
She said
There’s no way that I could help you
You’d better off going it alone
She said
There’s more chance you’ll make it though
Ter(rain)
I’ll
take
your
hand
If
you
are
frightened
I’ll
hold
you
hair
If
you
feel
sick
I’ll
even
lead
you
To
the
path
of
enlightenment
If
you’re
really
fucking
quick
(Originally Posted 18.07.2020)
It’s like reading
Someone else’s words
Lines
From a different story
But the heartache and pain
Mine they’ll always remain
So for those, I will take the glory
Poems From Another Time
It’s like reading
Someone else’s words
Listening
To someone else’s story
But the heartache
And the pain
That’s still all mine
(Originally Posted 18.07.2021)
They tell you that
It’s time that heals
But time moves
So fucking slowly
In fact all time does do
Is exacerbate the issue
When you’re this heartbroken
And lonely
When Will It End?
Biting my nails
until they bleed,
doesn’t give me
the relief I need.
Scratching my skin
until it’s breaking,
doesn’t stop my
heart from aching.
When will it end,
this pain I’m feeling?
When does it stop,
when do I start healing?
(Originally Posted 17.07.2019)
So I’m back
home now,
after that
shit show
Only two
more days
of pretending
to go
Then it’s
the weekend,
so I’ll be free
to lament
And avoid
all people,
to my hearts
content
Wednesday 2.30am (Pt 1)
I can’t even
bear the thought
of what’s to
come tomorrow
No doubt
it’ll just be
more misery
and sorrow
Perhaps I’d
be better
off staying
in bed
Then I might
just escape
the thoughts
in my head
(Originally Posted 17.07.2019)
Wednesday 11am (Pt 2)
So I managed,
in the end,
to get out of bed
And it’s been
shit so far,
just as I predicted
It seems I was right,
I should never
have tried
For I’ll never
escape this
pain inside
(Originally Posted 17.07.2019)
Sometimes
When you’re trying to rhyme
You hit on something
Quite profound
I’m pretty sure
This was one of those
Where I cracked it
First time ’round
(Prick)ly
Not
the
best
at
being
loved
But
pretty
good
at
loving
Not
the
best
at
being
pushed
But
pretty
good
at
shoving
(Originally Posted 16.07.2020)
Now the worst has happened
And the handover is complete
There is nothing I can say or do
To help him back to his feet
Handover
You’ll
never
cope
She
said
When
this
happens
to you
I
know
He
said
I’m
dreading
it too
(Originally Posted 16.07.2020)
There
were
times,
back
then,
When
I just
wasn’t
worth
it
Water
It’s
amazing
the
difference
a shower
can make
Inside
and
out…
(Originally Posted 16.07.2019)
It took so much
Out of her
Putting up
With all his flack
So one day
She just ran away
And never once
Looked back
The Time Waster
I cannot
believe
after all
this time
I’m still
stuck in
your trap.
Quietly
putting up
with your
bullshit and
listening
to all
your crap.
If I have
to spend one
more minute
with you
I think
that I’ll
be sick.
Never
before
have I
wasted my
time on
such an
arrogant
little prick.
(Originally Posted 16.07.2019)
I don’t know what I’d do
If I didn’t have you
You were the only one
To keep me sane
It was like you knew
What I was going through
And how to help me
Feel like me again
Grounding
Thanks for talking to me
He said
I hope it was of some worth
Thank you so much for listening
She said
It has brought me back to earth
(Originally Posted 15.07.2021)
I hope never again
To find myself
Walking along this path
I’ve been through such a lot
That I’m pretty much shot
So I doubt I would make it back
Depression (Part 2)
Eat until you’re sick
Snap until you bruise
Run until you’re limp
Drink a shit load of booze
Spend until you’re skint
Sleep until you’re sore
Cry until you’re empty
Sleep around like a whore
Shout until you’re hoarse
Cut until you bleed
Work until you drop
Smoke a shedload of weed
Lie until you’re spent
Smile until you’re alone
Write until you’re wrung
Forget all you’ve ever known
(Originally Posted 15.07.2019)
Am I supposed to just wait around
She said
Hoping that you will choose me?
Well, I’m worth way more than that
She said
And there’s plenty more fish in the sea
Torn
How will you know
She said
If it’s her or me?
I have no idea
He said
Confusedly
(Originally Posted 15.07.2020)
There was a time
In this journey of mine
When it wasn’t so much the where
Than with whom
Hardly in my prime
And with things far from fine
I just didn’t care
Who was in my bedroom
Sleeping Around
Try
as I
may
With
all
of my
might
I
have
no
idea
Where
I’ll
sleep
tonight
(Originally Posted 14.07.2020)
When asked to describe
The best day of your life
I’m sure you’ve got many replies
When you got married,
The birth of your kids
Or some such equally befitting prize
Well I know that for me
It was when I chose to be free
And told those fuckers I’d never be back
And ever since that time
I’ve been on cloud nine
With no fear of that panic attack
Family Dinners
Can I be arsed with this?
No.
Do I still have to go?
Yes.
Fuck.
(Originally Posted 14.07.2019)
I’m sure you didn’t mean it
That way
That you were just trying
To help me through
But wheeling out those lines
As I lost my mind
Did nothing
But make me hate you
Know-It-All
What
doesn’t
kill me
might
make
me
stronger
But
it
also
makes
me
sick
So
you
can
shove
your
aphorisms
Up
your
arse
You
condescending
prick
(Originally Posted 13.07.2020)
I can remember when I wrote this
Even though it was some time ago
I was lying in bed
Alone in my head
When that song came on the radio
I’d heard it many times before, of course
As it played through my headphones
But this time was different
As my tears fell quicker, and
I felt it in my bones
‘Silence Like A Cancer Grows…’
Back here alone
In this room again
With the darkness
My old friend
Praying for someone
My wounds to tend
Ever hopeful
This pain will end
(Originally Posted 13.07.2020)
Sometimes I
Have nothing to add
No further words
Or updates
This is one
Of those times,
I think,
As when I read this
My heart breaks
Leftovers
A weak and weary
confused mind
An empty and
hollow heart
As bleak as it is,
it is all I have
As my life has
fallen apart
(Originally Posted 13.07.2019)
You only have
To look at me
And I am powerless
To resist
As by your eyes
I am hypnotised
And before I know it
We’ve kissed
Temptation
Although
it seems
I’ve
lost
my way
I’d
like to
make it
back
someday
Now all
I can
do is
hope
and
pray
That
you
won’t
lead me
further
astray
(Originally Posted 12.07.2020)
It’s a word I use a lot
‘Abyss’
Reading back now
I have noticed
I hadn’t quite realised
How numb
I’d become
Or how dissociated I was
When I wrote this
Dwelling
Pain helps, momentarily.
It provides a fleeting relief.
Then the numbness returns
And living inside this emotionless abyss, continues.
(Originally Posted 12.07.2019)
It seems that every so often
I’ll write a cheeky one like this
I blame the Carry On films
I watched when I was a kid
Their irreverent innuendo
Now belongs to a time gone by
But they taught me comedic timing
And left a twinkle in my eye
Repetitive Strain Injury
Time is running out
She said
Remember we’re on the clock
I wish you’d just stop checking
He said
And focus on my… shoulder
(Originally Posted 11.07.2021)
And now
that
I am
better,
it seems,
you have
taken a
turn for
the worse
But you
won’t talk
to me,
despite
my plea,
which
is really
the most
perverse
Crutches
I fear
I have
lent on
you once
too often,
and now
you are
as broken
as me.
I should
never have
asked for
your help,
to be
honest,
as now
you’ll never
be free.
(Originally Posted 11.07.2019)
It took me so long
To make that mix tape
And then
You just threw it away
So I’ll never
Make you another one
Until
My dying day
‘Bought On Stolen Wine…’
All of
those
hours
Sat in
your room
Both
of us
wallflowers
Bathing
in gloom
(Originally Posted 10.07.2020)
Sounds like I was sick of platitudes
Back when I wrote this one
Had enough of condescending attitudes
When all was said and done
Yet as I think about it now
I’d love to hear them again
But sympathy disappears
When it falls on deaf ears
And eventually you run out of friends
No Consolation
There’s
no
point
in
crying
Over
spilt
milk
God
loves
you
for
trying
Blah
blah
blah
(Originally Posted 10.07.2020)
So as
The tide
At work
To stem
Now I don’t
Even bother
Talking
To them
The Office
Momentory conversations
With temporary people
Sharing fleeting emotions
Providing non-permanent relief
(Originally Posted 09.07.2019)
This could well be the inception
Of all those he said/she said pieces
And due to its reception
They’re now part of my ongoing thesis
The Deep
Do you think
we’ll make it
out alive,
she said,
hoping for
the truth.
I’m sure that
we’ll be fine,
he said,
with the
naivety
of youth.
(Originally Posted 08.07.2019)
The ultimate head fuck
For an obsessive planner like me
Is the loss of his soul
Was outwith my control
And something I did not forsee
(In)Competent
Out
of
all
the
things
I
can
say
or
do
What
hurts
me
the
most
Is
that
I couldn’t
save
you
Xxx
(Originally Posted 08.07.2020)
Let’s go have some fun
He said
Eat, drink and be merry
That’s nowhere near enough
She said
To persuade me to bite the cherry
One Week On
What
exactly
am I
missing
out on?
Go on
then
please,
explain
It’s
your last
chance to
convince me
To
leave
the
house
again
(Originally Posted 08.07.2020)
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 
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