How
do I
love
thee?
Let me
count
the
ways
It’s a
lot more
than
spaghetti
But
not as
much as
bolognese
G42
Was it really
The best of times?
Or was it just
The worst?
I’ve got nae idea, pal
Ma heid’s fuckin’ burst
Middle Class Wooing
Don’t
bother
picking
flowers
They
will just
make me
sneeze
If you
really
want to
impress me
Just
bring
a wheel
of cheese
For an
‘expensive’
bottle
of wine
And a
little
bit of
Brie
Is
really
all it
takes
To get
into
bed
with me
‘All Apologies’
One down,
A thousand to go.
This shit is harder
Than it looks,
You know.
Swipe Right
How’s
about
itJust
us
two?Fancy
a
walkVisit
the
zoo?Get
a
beerEat
some
food?Spend
the
nightBeing
terribly
rude?
Cheerleading Chant (Alt Version)
When
Where
Why
What
And
Who
Amongst
Us
Gives
A
Fuck?
Bed Head
There’s
so much
power,
In the
scissors
you wield,
It really
makes me
worry.
One slip
of your
hand,
A snip
or two
unplanned,
And I won’t
be going out
in a hurry.
The Morning Routine
You
have
no
ideaOf
the
endless
busses
I’ve missedSearching
for
my
keysWhen
I’m
not
even
pissed
Chit Chat
“Going anywhere nice on holiday?”
“Oblivion, hopefully”.
R.I.P Fucks Given
Sometimes
I wonderIs everything
my fault?And then
I rememberI actually don’t
give a fuck
St Valentine’s Rebuke
It’s that
time of
year
again,When
love
is in
the air.But so is
chicken pox,
TB and flu,
you moron.So please
take your
bullshit
elsewhere.
If Only…
“Is that a gun in your pocket,
or are you just pleased to see me?”
Bang.
Never A Truer Word (Unspoken)
“If you haven’t got anything nice
to say,
don’t say anything at all.”
Silence.
Dante’s Board Meeting
So
who
is
nextHe
askedTo
endure
this
pain
and
sorrowI
don’t
have
a clueShe
saidBut I
guess
we’ll
take
a vote
tomorrow
Stood At The Urinal
Do you
ever
think
there’s
more to
life
than
this?Fuck
knows
to be
honest
mate –
I only
came in
for a piss
Well, You Asked…
Even
though
I find
your
writing
talent
genuinely
quite
considerableReading
your
words
over and
over again
really
does just
make me
miserable
Lies Men Tell
Just
close
your
eyes
and
count
to ten
I’ll
take
you to
heaven
and
back
again
The Dodgy Prawn
Sweating again
And feeling sick
All because of you
You little prick
Literally
Last night
I dreamt
That somebody
hugged me
It was the best
night’s sleep
I’ve had
in months
‘Two Lumps Please’
To
help me
through
this
misery
Perhaps
I’ll
make
a drink
That
is what
they
say,
isn’t it?
A cup
of tea
solves
everything?
(Mis)fortune
Love is
contagious
But so
is herpes
Fatigued Feline
I really
can’t be
arsed today
Do I have
to leave
the house?
I promise
if you let
me stay
I’ll be
as quiet
as a mouse
Made In Scotland (From Girders)
Is that bottle
going spare?
I’d love to
have a taste
It would be such
a shame to let
The good stuff
go to waste
Ever Hopeful
Crossing
the road
slowlyEver hopeful
of getting
run overLeaving
the oven
door openEver hopeful
of inhaling
the gasDrinking
spirits
every dayEver hopeful
of pickling
the liverEating
salted chips
all nightEver hopeful
of a heart
bypass
Wings
Fuck
this
shit
Said
the
moth
To
the
flame
It’s
never
going
to work
It’s
your
fault
Said
the
flame
To
the
moth
For going
so fucking
berserk
Wankers
Fuck you.
And the horse you rode in on.
Disclaimer
I think it’s finally happened
I’ve actually gone mental
Any similarly to actual persons
(Alive or dead)
Is purely coincidental
Rhubarb
Searching
for
light
Raised
in
darkness
Our
numbers
grow
Despite
the
sparseness
(Not So) Funny Man
‘A day without laughter is a day wasted…’
Oh fuck off Charlie,
Life’s far too complicated.
Late Afternoon Check Out
Hotel
rooms
Seedy
as fuck
But so full
of promise
All at the
same time
A Messy Job
Why oh why
did I try
to paint
my nails
on a train?Never will
I attempt
such a
ridiculous
thing again!
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 
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