"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
I sense more of this type coming
And to be honest
I’m a little afraid
Not only to reread them
But also to relive them
Knowing how I’m capable of such again
The Note
It was the lonliness
That got to me
If I’m honest
In the end
Sitting here
Just quietly
But all alone
Yet again
Desperately trying
But failing
My broken heart
To mend
And all the while
Convinced
That the rope
Was my only friend
(Originally Posted 16.06.2020)
You can call me anytime
He said
I’ll always be here for you
I’d love it if just once
She said
You made me feel that that was true
Calling It Quits
I should have trusted you
She said
And let you through the wall
I didn’t try hard enough
He said
In fact I didn’t really try at all
(Originally Posted 15.06.2021)
To paint us as happy
For near nineteen years
Would be way too simplistic
To say there were times
When we were far from fine
Would be much more realistic
Xxx
Sleeping On The Sofa
Too
many
times
I’ve
sat
here
and
cried
Your
slightest
touch
So
cruelly
denied
And
even
though
We
both
tried
I’ve
still
been
left
Feeling
dead
inside
Xxx
(Originally Posted 15.06.2020)
I should have gone with him that day
Instead of just staying in
As all I have to show
Now for saying no
Is one hell of a double chin
Better Plans
Shall we go out today
He said
Have a blast and give it our all
I’m afraid I already have a date
She said
With pizza, beer and football
(Originally Posted 14.06.2021)
I think I was once preoccupied
With being considered a ‘proper poet’
But I’ve since come to realise
That my style doesn’t trivialise
Life or how I choose to show it
Bottom Of The Class
I
scroll
through
your words
And
realise
mine don’t
compare
For
you all
write so
beautifully
Whereas
I splurge
without
a care
(Originally Posted 14.06.2020)
If
I ask
you a
question
He
said
Do you
promise
to tell
the truth?
Yes
She
lied
Does My Bum Look Big In This?
If
I ask
you a
question
She
said
Do you
promise
to tell
the truth?
Yes
He
lied
(Originally Posted 13.06.2020)
I remember feeling like this
Every day back then
When it would take everything I had
To get up and do it again
Although now I find it easier
With most mornings not as hard
I’d be lying if I didn’t say
Sometimes I’m still caught off guard
5am
Stomach lurching,
Bones aching,
Head pounding,
Heart breaking,
Waking up is never easy.
(Originally Posted 13.06.2019)
As
I lie
here
Alone
again
I can
only
assume
I
wasn’t
Bounty
I
can
only
hope
I’m
worth
the
wait
(Originally Posted 12.06.2020)
Hoping this pill proves fruitful
That it will work as designed
So I swallow another scoopful
To quiet the chaos in my mind
Five A Day
An
apple
a day
may
keep
the
doctor
away.
But
it’s a
pill
at night
that makes
me feel
alright.
(Originally Posted 12.06.2019)
She taught me everything I know
Both for the good and for the bad
Still, I cannot help but love her
As she’s the only mother I’ll have
Nature Vs Nurture
The
packet
cracks
As
the
tablet
snaps
And I
glug it
down
with
water
My
body
contracts
As
I face
the
facts
That
I am my
mother’s
daughter
(Originally Posted 11.06.2020)
Darkest thoughts
On my darkest day
I can but hope
The worst is away
Found
Hearing
how
sad
you
would
be
Doesn’t
make
me
change
my
mind
All
it
does
is
remind
me
to
choose
A
method
that
is
kind
(Originally Posted 11.06.2020)
I thought about you today.
Twice.
The first, when I sat and re-read this poem.
The second, when I tried to write a response.
It was only then I realised it has been nine hundred and twenty two days since you died.
And I remembered not just what I lost that day, but how much it still hurts now.
And I cried again today.
Twice.
The Corner of My Eye
I thought I saw you today.
Twice.
The first, when you were waiting to cross the road.
The second, when you were ahead of me in the queue at the post office.
It was only when you turned around, and I saw your face, that I realised it wasn’t you.
And I remembered, with a desperate ache, why it could never be you.
And I cried again today.
Twice.
(Originally Posted 10.06.2019)
If only it was
An abyss we shared
Rather than you long gone
And me ill-prepared
Captives
Was it you
Or was it me
Who soldiered on
Too blind to see
It was always destined
To end like this
With both of us falling
Into the abyss
(Originally Posted 10.06.2021)
Remembered lines
From a TV show
That first aired
Thirty years ago
Some things never change
Impatience
“Kill me now…I can’t be arsed”
(Originally Posted 09.06.2019)
Not only did I steal
An LP that night
But I also pilfered
A book
I’d always believed
Sci-fi wasn’t for me
But I’m so glad
He allowed me look
Squeeze
Such
a broken
heartened
man
In a
broken
hearted
land
If
only
I could
see you
I
would
squeeze
your
hand
And
never
let it
go
(Originally Posted 09.06.2020)
And
then
He
did
Duped
You
must
never
leave
me
She
said
For
I
would
fall
apart
I’ll
stay
with
you
forever
He
said
I could
never
break
your
heart
(Originally Posted 08.06.2020)
Surely you must have known
He said
Not to fall in love with me
I just didn’t expect
She said
That it would happen so easily
I Love You
If I met you again,
For the first time,
I wouldn’t change a thing.
I’d do it all again,
Exactly the same,
Taking you under my wing.
But I should have,
if I could have,
told you that
I loved you
more.
Perhaps then
my life now
wouldn’t be
so difficult
to endure.
(Originally Posted 08.06.2019)
I’m
glad
I don’t
give
much
away
As if
I did,
you’d
never
come
back
Self Esteem
There’s
nothing
more
disheartening
That
brings
me
consternation
and
strife
Than
to find
I’m
more
captivating
On
the
page
Than
I could
ever be
in real life
(Originally Posted 07.06.2020)
I should try to be considerate
And care about people more
Yet anything but belligerence,
It seems,
I was not pre-programmed for
I, Robot
The kindness of others never ceases to amaze me…
Although my inability to replicate it does.
(Originally Posted 07.06.2019)
You were all I had
When he died
And I didn’t know how to cope
I was driven mad
Each time I cried
And you were my only hope
‘The Boy’s No Good… ‘
As
I sit
and
listen
To each
word you
say
All
of my
pain
Simply
ebbs
away
(Originally Posted 06.06.2020)
If I’d had a decent role model
Maybe I’d know what to do
But as my childhood was a debacle
I’ve got nothing to compare this to
The Reverse
I’ve never felt happiness,
I don’t know what it is.
I’ve never even seen happiness,
But I’m pretty sure it’s not this.
(Originally Posted 06.06.2019)
I was trying to be polite back then
By calling you a ‘loathsome swine’
But since I have reflected
Something more apt springs to mind
(Never) Ending Hostilities
Whoever
told
me to
forgive
you was
wrong
There’s
no way
we can
ever
get
along
For
you
are
just a
loathsome
swine
Who
isn’t
a worth
second
of my
time
(Originally Posted 05.06.2020)
Give it to me good, baby
Treat me a little rough
I really will not mind
If you talk a little tough
Squeeze me too tightly, baby
Pinch me pretty hard
You can do ‘most anything
Just please don’t leave me scarred
The Transaction
Give it to me hard
Give it to me rough
I honestly won’t mind
If you act a little tough
Squeeze me a little too tightly
Pinch me a little too hard
I just want to feel something
That doesn’t leave me scarred
(Originally Posted 05.06.2020)
No one talks about you
Anymore
It’s like you were never here
And for that
I’ll never forgive them
On all that I hold dear
Commitment
You were
always so
terrified
that I
would leave.
When,
after all
was said
and done,
I was the
only one
who stayed.
(Originally Posted 05.06.2019)
To
patch
it up
But
alas
it seems
I was
out of
luck
The Life Raft
Full
of
holes
As
it
rocks
Against
the
shoals
(Originally Posted 04.06.2020)
I wrote this one
On a train
Unhappy with life
Once again
Insides
Another grey sky.
Another bleak landscape.
Another version of me.
Looking out,
Looking in.
(Originally Posted 04.06.2019)
I win
You lose
Now it’s you
Who’ll fucking bruise
Hands Down
You
win
I
lose
Ain’t
that
The
fucking
truth
(Originally Posted 03.06.2020)
Can we stop running now
She said
And make our new home here
This will do just fine
He said
Now let’s open that beer
Nirvana
Are
we
here
now
She
said
Away
from
all
that
shit?
I am
not too
sure
He
said
Let’s
make
a run
for it
(Originally Posted 03.06.2020)
I travelled a lot that spring
Most of it in a daze
Birthdays, weddings and weekends away
All came and went in a haze
Yet I found consequently
Whatever good time I was shown
I would feel subsequently
That I was very much alone
1000 Miles
The message from the search engine pings.
Its spies inform me that last month I visited:
Three different countries,
Fifteen different cities,
And twenty one different places.
That means I travelled over 1000 miles, last month.
Each one without you.
And every one with an empty heart.
(Originally Posted 03.06.2019)
Whatever you say
Won’t hurt me
For when it comes
To my mental health
There is nothing that
I am better at
Than flagellating
Myself
Plus Ça Change
So
this
is
it
Lying
in bed
all day
again
Wine
and
cigarettes
my only
friend
I’m so
bored
of this
shit
I
could
make
myself
sick
I
really
am
nothing
But a
nauseating
prick
(Originally Posted 02.06.2020)
People mean well
I tell myself
They are mostly just trying their best
It’s not their fault
If they sometimes fall short
So I should give the hostility a rest
Interaction
Give
me a
thumbs
up
And
I’ll
give
you
two
All
whilst
silently
Whispering
fuck
you
(Originally Posted 02.06.2020)
You may look remorseful now
And you may appear contrite
But let’s see how you act
When I tell them the fact
You nearly killed me that night
On Borrowed Time
You can sit there all you want
My friend
Picking at your thumbs
But you and I know
How this will end
When the day of reckoning comes
(Originally Posted 01.06.2021)
I may excel
At many things
But to my eternal dismay
I know fine well
That sleep, it seems,
Will never be quite my forte
The Dream Catcher
Bad thoughts creep
As I’m without sleep
For yet another night
Fears won’t keep
Whilst I lie and weep
Losing the will to fight
(Originally Posted 01.06.2020)
Even now I struggle
To lie on your side of the bed
I just wish you were in it
As often as you are my head
Xxx
A King Sized Longing
Lying in bed
Late at night
I turn over
With a sigh
I reach out
With my hand
But it’s now empty
Where you would lie
Xxx
(Originally Posted 31.05.2021)
I have said
Time and time again
“That’s it – I’ve had enough”
But it proves pointless
Time and time again
As leaving you is just too tough
‘It’s In The Trees…’
How do I give you up
My drug of choice
You don’t stand a chance
Whispers the voice
(Originally Posted 31.05.2020)
I wish I could say
I’d never take you back
But if I did
I would be lying
You’ll always have a way
To knock me off track
Even without
You really trying
I Am My Own Temple
You only get one chance with me
And you blew it good and proper
Now it’s not about forgiveness
It’s all about my honour
(Originally Posted 30.05.2021)
As empty bottles clink
Into paper bags
My heart start to sink
And motivation flags
I was happy you came over
That much is true
Yet I can’t help but wish
She hadn’t left with you
More Or Less
I
guess
I am
happy
More
or
less
Even
though
I’m the
one
Left
cleaning
up the
mess
(Originally Posted 30.05.2020)
I never did tell him the truth
Of where I went that day
But even though I did it
I’m glad I hid it
As I could never hurt him that way
Deceit
Lying to
myself
is bad
enough
But
lying
to you
hurts
more
But
there’s
no way
I could
be truthful
That’s
for
fucking
sure
(Originally Posted 29.05.2020)
I spent much of 2020
In a drug induced dwam
I found the only way
To cope with each day
Was to eat diazepam
Going Over
And
then
it
hits
Like
a ton
of
bricks
And
I don’t
feel a
thing
(Originally Posted 29.05.2020)
That day you decided
To take it all from me
Yet all you actually provided
Was the route to set me free
You Know Nothing
I do not want your pity
Your sympathy is of no use
I care nothing for your tears
As your grief is just an excuse
(Originally Posted 29.05.2019)
Crying in the chapel
Many years ago
Missing you intently
And wishing it wasn’t so
Granite
I wish
you were
with me
Gently
squeezing
my hand
Providing
me with
comfort
Helping me
understand
(Originally Posted 28.05.2020)
As I lie with yet another
Notch on my bed post
I am grateful for a lover
But that’s as far as it goes
Just Another Fish
I suppose
I should
make it
clear
Right
from the
very
start
You may
delight
my
body
But you
will never
have my
heart
(Originally Posted 28.05.2020)
No matter what
Problem you have
Or whatever the issue
May be
There isn’t anything
That can’t be fixed
By an old fashioned
Cup of tea
Sacrilege
I didn’t think
There was anything else
You could do to anger me
But then you go
And confront me with
A fucking awful cup of tea
(Originally Posted 27.05.2021)
Seventy three thousand words now
And I haven’t improved very much
It’s a good job those who read me
Aren’t ones too quick to judge
You’re Too Kind
Thirty
six
thousand
words
And
each
one of
them
shite
But now
I’ve
passed
one
thousand
followers
I
must
be doing
something
right
(Originally Posted 27.05.2020)
So I’m hearing you say you feel empty
He said
Could you expand further on this
Haven’t you heard enough
She said
To put an end to this bullshit
Such A Cliché
I don’t
know if
you’re
aware
She
said
But
I’ve
been
feeling
rather
down
Let me
fetch my
notebook
He
said
Reaching
forward
with a
frown
(Originally Posted 26.05.2020)
I hear you have moved on since then
And got yourself a job
I wonder when others
Will see your true colours
And agree you’re a fucking snob
Supercilious Bint
Carry on ‘studying’
For your Mickey Mouse degree
But just know whatever happens
You’ll never be better than me
(Originally Posted 26.06.2020)
As we sit
On the bus each day
I cannot help
But look your way
Wondering when
You’ll break away
And hoping that
You’ll be OK
Inkling
I think you feel
The way I do
That your heart beats
Like mine does too
That your mind wanders
On a similar path to me
That you also dream
Of when you’ll be free
(Originally Posted 25.05.2020)
If only I wasn’t risk averse
My world would open up
If only I wasn’t risk averse
I could see more of life closeup
Deep Breaths
Maybe
you’ll
change
your
mind
Or
maybe
you
won’t
But
one
thing
is for
sure
You’ll
regret
it if
you
don’t
(Originally Posted 25.05.2020)
If only I was risk averse
I would avoid these situations
If only I was risk averse
I could lay better foundations
Unhappy Endings
I wish
we’d never
started this.
Then we
wouldn’t have
to end it.
(Originally Posted 25.05.2019)
You should look for someone else
They say
Now time’s moved on a bit
I wouldn’t know where to start
I say
Or where in my head they’d fit
HeadRoom
I
did
not
realise
That
space
in my
head
Would
still be
filled
by you
Even
though
you’re
dead
(Originally Posted 24.05.2020)
Crying because I was happy
Crying because I was sad
Crying because I had lost
The best friend I’d ever had
Joy and Sadness
Resisting
the urge
to cry
today
is futile.
(Originally Posted 24.05.2019)
Thank God
I never gave him this
As I don’t think
He’d have ever recovered
Young love is such
A fickle thing
As I’m sure
He’s since discovered
(I’m Not In) Love Letters
I read,
read
and
read it
again
But it
doesnt
change
a thing
I can’t
take
back
what
I wrote
Or
remove
it’s
sting
(Originally Posted 23.05.2020)
When I sat down and wrote this one
Everyone else was at the bar
(In the grand scheme of things that day
We hadn’t travelled very far)
Whilst I waited for my drink
I plastered on a smile
Wishing I was anywhere but
En route to the Emerald Isle
The Airport Lounge
It doesn’t matter how loud people are
They never drown out the voices inside my head.
(Originally Posted 23.05.2019)
I’d never use that word lightly
Or just for its shock value
In fact, I only ever use it rightly
And that’s when I’m describing you
Dumped
All
those
times
I was
there
for
you
I
never
asked
for a
thing
in return
Well
you’re
on your
own
You
self
righteous
cunt
So
now
perhaps
you’ll
learn
(Originally Posted 22.05.2020)
You will never stand
At my grave and weep
As you’ll never know
Where it is
Animosity
You can
keep your
feigned apology
For your
friendship
now means
nothing to me
I shall
live without
you merrily
Waiting for
the day
everyone
will see
Just how
wicked and
cruel you
can be
(Originally Posted 22.05.2019)
If you lowered your expectations
I reckon we’d be OK
But if you feel it integeral
To keep me on that pedestal
It’ll only end in dismay
‘All The Time…’
If I
could
be
Who
you
want
Me
to
be
Perhaps
then
we
Would
both be
happy
(Originally Posted 21.05.2020)
Maybe it wasn’t a prison
But it certainly felt like it
I’d do anything not to go back there
Even if that means faking it
Climbing The Walls
Let
me
out
She
said
You
cannot
keep me
here
I
think
you’ll
find we
can
He
said
The
law is
very
clear
(Originally Posted 21.05.2020)
I had a lot of fun that day
And I looked beautiful too
Yet on the hour, every hour
I cried alone in the loo
Wedding Bells
Who knows
what will happen
when I get there.
Who knows
what will happen
along the way.
What I do know
is that you
won’t be there.
And my tears
will fall
all day.
(Originally Posted 21.05.2019)
It isn’t just restricting
That should raise a red flag
Sometimes when you’re binging
It can be just as bad
Once More For The Cheap Seats
If
only
I was
wasting
away
Maybe
it would
be easier
to explain
Why my
heart is
broken and
my tongue
is tied
And
I live
each day
in pain
(Originally Posted 20.05.2020)
I’m not drunk
She says
It’s all in your head
I know you’re lying
She says
I’ve seen under your bed
Mother’s Ruin
As
the rot
starts
to set
in
I
pour
myself
another
gin
To
silence
the pain
in my
head
As
the
thoughts
seem to
shift
My
mood
starts
to
lift
And
I can
finally
get out
of bed
(Originally Posted 20.05.2020)
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 
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