"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
It can be hard to stop
And smell the roses
When you’d rather
Be six feet under them
The Black Dog
When I heard
the black dog
barking outside
I knew I had
nowhere left
to hide
When I heard
the black dog
at my door
I knew I didn’t
have the strength
to fight anymore
Now I hear
the black dog
on my shoulder
And all I feel
is relief
that it’s over
(Originally Posted 06.09.2019)
Now I don’t bother
With feelings at all
They wouldn’t get it
Even if I tried
No one cares
As it was my man,
Not theirs,
Who so unexpectedly died
Locked Away
As the
chasm
between
us
Continues
to grow
It gets
harder
and
harder
My
feelings
to show
Xxx
(Originally Posted 01.09.2020)
This was so true
For much of that first year
In fact it’s only now
I have realised
How much his illness
And his death
Had left me
Paralysed
The Robbery
Your illness
robbed you
of your life
And it
robbed me
of my mind
Your death
still cuts me
like a knife
So now
to madness
I am inclined
(Originally Posted 01.09.2019)
I wish I could update this one
Comment on how it has aged
Yet it seems that when
I pick up the pen
It’s only my tears that fill the page
I Hope So
Sing
to me
some
more
She
said
For
your
voice
I hold
so dear
I’ll
always
sing to
you
He
said
Even
when
I’m no
longer
here
Xxx
(Originally Posted 01.09.2020)
This is it
Where she now lies
The lonely widow
Who always cried
If only she
Had married again
Perhaps she may
Have forgotten her pain
Lovers Reunited
If I
can’t have
the one
that’s gone
then I’ll
just wait
out here,
alone,
until there’s
an end
to all
this pain
and our
hearts can
beat together
again
(Originally Posted 31.08.2019)
If I ever get round
To publishing that book
This will be the inscription
Not only does it sound
Like a pretty good hook
It’s also an accurate description
Last Year
It wasn’t
just the
end of us
It was
the end of
everything
Xxx
(Originally Posted 29.08.2019)
No one would believe it
Not even wrapped up in a bow
Even those who trust
In reincarnation
Would find this one hard to swallow
Making (Sh)It Up
Who
could
believe
we’d
get
this
That
we’d
ever
again
share
a kiss
That
both
of our
hearts
a beat
would
miss
That
we’d be
together
bathed
in bliss
(Originally Posted 29.08.2020)
If only if was like that
All sentimental and romantic
But believe you me,
In reality,
Death throes are far more frantic
9.15am
I
was
high
As
were
you
When
we said
goodbye
In the
morning
hue
(Originally Posted 28.08.2019)
People say things
Get better with time
Which may be their truth
But it isn’t mine
Not Long Now
Each day brings
Yet more false hope
Along with an another
Earth shattering new low
I really am just
Biding my time now
Waiting until
It’s my turn to go
(Originally Posted 27.08.2019)
Remember when you told me
It was the best show you’d ever seen
That you watched in tears
As your worst fears
Played out on the TV screen
Well, it wasn’t just a show for me
It was exactly how I felt
I lived through those scenes
On the silver screen
And dealt with it all myself
See, you never really understood
You made that abundantly clear
You didn’t sympathise
Let alone empathise
With me at any point that year
So now when I recall you saying
How you cried so selflessly
I know for a fact
It was all just an act
As you lied so effortlessly
What I Should Have Said
Get to fuck
You piece of shit
I will not stand
For any more pish
You think you’re it
But it’s just a front
You’re nothing more
Than a self serving cunt
(Originally Posted 25.08.2020)
Back then my head
Was in such a mess
I couldn’t even wish myself
A peaceful death
Out With A Bang
What is this
stabbing pain
in my chest?
Why is it
causing me
such unrest?
Fingers
crossed it’s
a heart attack
Then I
can leave
this place
And never
come back
(Originally Posted 23.08.2019)
I have long wanted to end it all
But you were always so full of purpose
As most can attest
Fate is a fickle mistress
But did she really have to curse us?
Do You Hear Me?
I’m still angry
You see
That you died
Before me
It’s just not
The way
It was meant
To be
Xxx
(Originally Posted 21.08.2020)
You should be given a manual
For when your loved one dies
Not just on how to cope with grief
But practical advice
There’s so many things you have to do
When you’re under all that pressure
It’s no wonder some things are forgotten
And then they’re lost, forever
I Should Have Done It Back Then
The last link
Has been ripped away
Our final tether
Is severed
And all I can hear
Is your voice
Telling me
That I really should’ve done better
Xxx
Ultimately,
I can’t
come
back
For an
earthly
body,
I now
lack
But
regardless
of that,
you should
know
I’ll
always be
with you,
wherever
you go
Love Lost
If I
promise
to love
you
more
Than
I ever
did
before
Would
you
come
back
to me?
Xxx
(Originally Posted 16.08.2020)
There were so many photos taken
Back in twenty nineteen
And I had to pose
All alone
With a gap where you should’ve been
Speechless
There is so much
I want to tell you
So many things
I want to share
But my tears flow
all over again
When I realise
you’re not there
(Originally Posted 15.08.2019)
Stain free
Pain free
Neither really
Matter to me
As I’m still mad
And deeply sad
That this is how
It has to be
Only Sadness Remains
I wander barefoot
in the rain
Trying to wash
away your stain
Now that I’m left
in eternal pain
I’d give anything
to laugh again
(Originally Posted 12.08.2019)
“I’m 84 and I listen to this song every night before my bed, just in case I die in my sleep”
– Anonymous YouTube Comment
No longer the main attraction
I have been consigned to the basement
As people couldn’t touch
They stopped looking as much
And so they wheeled out my replacement
Life as a Relic
It’s like
I’m now
a museum
exhibit
Everyone
is welcome
to stop
and stare
But there
is no
touching
allowed
(Originally Posted 27.07.2019)
This was just one route
That I’d considered
Amongst the many others
I had planned
I’d completely lost the plot
I think
In a way not many
Would understand
It seems that I
Had turned that choice
Into some kind of
Romantic notion
Which, it seems
For a while at least
Is how I coped
With my emotions
It took me some time
To best those thoughts
And to comprehend
The brutality of falling
But that’s not to say
They truly went away
And all I’m doing now, really
Is stalling
Look Out!
Falling
Tumbling
Through the air
Wondering
What it’s like
Down there
People standing
Faces aghast
Yet I don’t care
As I breathe my last
(Originally Posted 19.07.2020)
Now the worst has happened
And the handover is complete
There is nothing I can say or do
To help him back to his feet
Handover
You’ll
never
cope
She
said
When
this
happens
to you
I
know
He
said
I’m
dreading
it too
(Originally Posted 16.07.2020)
The ultimate head fuck
For an obsessive planner like me
Is the loss of his soul
Was outwith my control
And something I did not forsee
(In)Competent
Out
of
all
the
things
I
can
say
or
do
What
hurts
me
the
most
Is
that
I couldn’t
save
you
Xxx
(Originally Posted 08.07.2020)
Let’s go have some fun
He said
Eat, drink and be merry
That’s nowhere near enough
She said
To persuade me to bite the cherry
One Week On
What
exactly
am I
missing
out on?
Go on
then
please,
explain
It’s
your last
chance to
convince me
To
leave
the
house
again
(Originally Posted 08.07.2020)
I had forgotten
Ever writing this
But reading it now
It’s so clear to see
Why the overwhelming trauma
I endured that morning
Will never leave
My memory
Sigh
Sorry
it must
end
this way
She
said
But
I need
to let
you go
Please
don’t
forget
what we
had
He
said
Or
how
I loved
you
so
(Originally Posted 07.07.2020)
At that café
Drinking tea
I wished you were there
Sitting opposite me
But I soon realised
Even though we’re apart
You’ll always be with me
Inside my heart
Xxx
Royal Exchange Square
I had to come back here,
How could I not?
Because it all started here,
On that night I’ve never forgot.
Xxx
(Originally Posted 03.07.2019)
Charlatans and con artists
Preying on the weak
Making a pretty penny
Through their lies and false mystique
It’s not that I don’t ‘get it’
Or couldn’t possibly understand
It’s that their ‘gift’
Is a fucking grift
And, quite frankly, should be banned
Sceptical
You can tell me all you want
That you can hear him
But I’ll never believe it’s true
For if he was talking to anyone
From the ‘other side’
Then it would be me, not you
Xxx
(Originally Posted 02.07.2021)
There was a period of time
After he died
When I returned to my old ways
Auditioning random men
As a replacement
All in a drunken haze
Thankfully
It didn’t last
And it proved to be just a phase
As I realised
Pretty quickly
It didn’t help with my malaise
On A Promise
What happens when the music stops
She said
Do we have to go home?
Wherever you end up going
He said
You won’t be going alone
(Originally Posted 01.07.2021)
I dreamt about him last night
You know
For only the third time since he died
At least we had fun
In this one
And it was when I woke up I cried
A Heavenly Reunion
What
are
you
doing
here
He
said
I
told
you
not
to
follow
I
couldn’t
take
any
more
She
said
Life
without
you
left
me
hollow
Xxx
(Originally Posted 29.06.2020)
You would never just take an item
If it didn’t belong to you
Just because someone
Has since died
It doesn’t make that any less true
Too Big For Your Boots
I’d rather watch them burn
Than see them in your hands
How you even think
You could ever lay claim
I will never understand
(Originally Posted 28.06.2021)
If only I could make it better
But there is no way that I can
For you have lost her forever
Just the same as I lost my man
Real Talk
It
hurts
my
heart
To
hear
you
cry
And
watch
you
break
Like
this
As
your
life
Falls
apart
And
you
stare
Into
the
abyss
(Originally Posted 25.06.2020)
Have you thought about moving on
He said
Of starting a life with someone else
It hasn’t even crossed my mind
She said
As I’m more than happy on the shelf
It’s Not The Same Thing
Just think about
What I lost
On the day he died
Then ask yourself
If you were me
When would your tears subside?
(Originally Posted 25.06.2021)
I think that when
I wrote this one
I was trying
Not to be too mean
But believe you me
Nothing was easy
Back
In twenty nineteen
How Are You?
It’s easier to say I’m alright,
Rather then I’m anxious.
It’s easier to say I’m okay,
Rather than I’m outraged.
It’s easier to say I’m better,
Rather than I’m broken.
It’s easier to say I’m good,
Rather than I’m grieving.
It’s easier to say I’m well,
Rather than I’m wasted.
It’s easier to say I’m fine,
Rather than I’m fucked.
(Originally Posted 24.06.2019)
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 
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