Tag: humour

The T

As I sit here

All alone

And my tears

Begin to fall

I am reminded

Once again

Chamomile tea

Solves fuck all

24

In Beero Veritas

Who’d have thought

That we’d come to

Both half dead

And needing the loo

Perhaps we should

Have thought this through

Instead of getting drunk

And doing the do

31

Harsh Truths

I used to think

I was pale

And interesting

Now I realise

Not only

Could I do with a tan

I am actually

Just dull as fuck

30

Random #104

‘The Almighty tells me he can get me out of this mess, but he’s pretty sure you’re fucked.’

– Steven Of Ireland

4

Boiling Frogs

It’s pretty hot in here

He said

Do you think we should leave

We’ll be here until we die

She said

Stop being so fucking naive

17

Kiss Chase

I looked you up online

Last night

And was disappointed

With what I found

It seems first loves

Almost certainly are

Best left

In the playground

26

From Under The Bed

Just because you didn’t hear it

She said

Doesn’t mean it didn’t speak

I think perhaps you should discuss it

He said

With your psychiatrist next week

24

Random #86

‘All charming people, I fancy, are spoiled.

It is the secret of their attraction.’

– Oscar Wilde

5

Sacrilege

I didn’t think

There was anything else

You could do to anger me

But then you go

And confront me with

A fucking awful cup of tea

21

Preoccupation

I sit and wonder

If the weather today

Will be any less shit

Than before

Oh, who am I kidding

The clouds are forbidding

So it’s obvious

What’s in store

21

This Coastal Town

I love living here

Next to the sea

On my cosy little croft

But the seagull noise

When I’m trying to sleep?

That can fuck right off

43

Breakfast

I know that it

Has been a while

But sure as eggs is eggs

You do have such

A winning smile

And a cracking pair of legs

32

Solo

Time flies

When you’re having fun

That’s why it’s still midnight

As I’m having none

16

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