Becoming Unstuck

Back in the day

The only way

Was to express my grief

In paragraphs

I avoided talking

Like the plague

And couldn’t look

At photographs

I knew that it

Was wrong of me

But in my sadness

I was frozen

There was no option

For me back then

No other path

I could have chosen

But now I find

Day in day out

I can move

A little bit more

I am becoming unstuck,

It seems

Of that much

I am sure

I can only hope

As time goes on

Things continue

In this vain

And I’m never physically,

Mentally or emotionally

So immovable

Again

Immovable

It’s like wading through a swamp. Trying to lift your limbs from quicksand. Pushing against an invisible wind with a colossal weight strapped to your back. Everything takes so much longer. So many hours are lost. Motivation is impossible to muster. Action comes only in waves. Trivial tasks are insurmountable and nothing makes sense.

I’ve become physically, mentally and emotionally immovable.

Please, send help.

(Originally Posted 26.03.2019)

26/03/2022 16

Perspectives

God, I remember that night so well

Along with the guilt that ensued

It took quite a while

To realise my smile

Didn’t leave his memory devalued

Open Ending

It was nice talking to you last night.
I forgot, for a moment, that my heart is broken.

It felt good to laugh, to smile, to dance.
It’s been a while since I did those things.

I’m happy we randomly met, but I’m also glad you left when you did.

Now I have the memory of our open ending, to help mend my grieving heart.

(Originally Posted 17.03.2019)

17/03/2022 8

Toxic People Ruin Lives

It was only

When I stopped

Keeping the peace

With those around me

That I finally

Found my peace

Within

27/12/2021 22

‘Fuck You I Won’t Do What You Tell Me’

Although I sit here alone

Devoid of all mirth

I may well be full of wine

But I still know my worth

26/12/2021 17

Fun

That thing

You were speaking of

Well, I think I’ve found it

Now I’m out of my head

And in your bed

I don’t think I’ll ever quit

16/12/2021 13

Dating Advice

“You’d have so much to offer

If you could just proffer

A kindly look their way”

—

“My mouth may be broken

But I do have a shot gun

So I’m sure I’ll be ok”

13/12/2021 20

The Reference

When

I next see her

I’ll be sure

To let her know

How you’re passionate,

Funny and kind

And how it hurts

To let you go

11/11/2021 5

‘Somebody That I Used To Know’

There’s nothing left to say

She said

Now my future is on track

You once took my breath away

She said

But now I want it back

05/11/2021 15

Running Before Walking

I know

That I’m not

Quite ready

Thoughts of him

Still rife

In my head

But if you

Come around

Happy to be

The rebound

Then I won’t kick you

Out of bed

04/11/2021 16

Sorry Not Sorry

So now you’re back

You think I’ll crack

And give you my heart again

Well I’ve changed tack

And jumped into the sack

With your (much fitter) best friend

02/11/2021 18

‘Can I Get An Amen?’

I used to think

You were the one

Now I’m just glad

That you’ve gone

25/10/2021 17

A Passport To Happiness

We’re going on a journey

She said

So be sure to pack your case

Maybe if we leave now

He said

The past we can erase

25/09/2021 9

All I Have

If I can’t give you

All of my heart

Would you be happy

With just one piece?

You can have the bit

That’s dead to me

And I’ll keep the part

That beats

20/09/2021 20

Back To The Day You Died

Things are fine

Most of the time

I quite forget

That you even got ill

But then I’ll drink wine

And from nowhere, time

Once again

Stands still

Xxx

17/09/2021 14

Insignificance

It’s funny how

The world went on

Like it didn’t miss

The fact you’d gone

Xxx

17/09/2021 17

Left Behind

If all you do

Is stay at home

In a self imposed

Exile

You’ll soon find

Not even your friends

Will miss you

After a while

15/09/2021 23

Six And Two Threes

Who was the worst

Me or you

Does it even matter

Who did what to who

Now we have both

Taken the fall

To still keep score

Really means fuck all

16/08/2021 24

No Recriminations

You said

You didn’t want me

So I had no choice

But to move on

If you’d made it clear

How you held me dear

Then your feelings

I wouldn’t have forgone

16/08/2021 4

The Joys Of Technology

With a click of a button

Just like that

It’s like you never even existed

All of those chats

Archived away

And any future contact, restricted

27/07/2021 41

Leaving Home

Just keep on walking

He said

And don’t you ever come back

Just stop fucking talking

She said

You’ve already won this attack

14/07/2021 7

Behind Closed Doors

The world didn’t stop

But I did

You all carried on

While I went and hid

09/07/2021 9

Finality

I meant

What I said

When I left

05/06/2021 33

I Won’t Forget

I still cry for him at night

You know

There’ll never be a time

I won’t

Just because you’re not here

To wipe away

My tears

Doesn’t mean

I don’t

21/05/2021 15

Phoenix

It was only in losing you

Forever

That I truly found myself

Xxx

18/05/2021 13

The Support Group

I do not come here

Every week

Looking for praise or reward

For I don’t deserve

Any of those things

Of that I have been assured

03/05/2021 16

Tumbleweeds

How long is normal

To feel empty inside

Because I still do

Ever since he died

30/04/2021 29

Peace Time

I have no interest in going back

Or to stroll down memory lane

I just want this war to end

And to move on from all this pain

29/04/2021 8

Last Post

This is

My last post

Everything

Has been written

All sides

Of this cherry

Are now

Thoroughly bitten

23/04/2021 34

Is The Third Time The Charm?

I think I could learn to trust you

She said

I’m beginning to find the way

Well, I really cannot tell you

He said

How much that makes my day

22/04/2021 8

On The Lookout

Life without you recently

Certainly has been gloomy

Even if my heart is now

That little bit more roomy

30/03/2021 18

Out Of Puff

We’ve got to move quickly

He said

Time is of the essence

Just go ahead without me

She said

I haven’t run since adolescence

25/03/2021 17

Sliding Doors

There will be someone out there

He said

That will be the one for you

What if he’s already gone

She said

I don’t believe there can be two

03/03/2021 4

Rent Free

You’ve now outstayed a welcome

That you were never fucking given

So if you would kindly

Piss off please

I can get back to living

01/03/2021 2

Less Bitter, Yet Still Perplexed

I used to be quite angry

But now I just feel numb

It’s not what you’ve said

That’s messed with my head

But everything else you’ve done

01/03/2021 2

The Reality

Life goes on,
now I’m alone,
as tears wash
over me
like rain.

Time moves on,
as I come undone,
with fear that
I’ll never
love again.

(Originally Posted 10.07.2019)

22/02/2021 14

Two Faced

You will never beat me,

So please don’t even try.

I could choose to hurt you,

To really make you cry.

But I’m the better person,

Of that I have no doubt.

So just carry on with your bullshit,

Because you’ll never drive me out.

(Originally Posted 02.06.2019)

22/02/2021 24

No Love Lost

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I may very well

Have been a cunt

But so, my dear, have you

15/02/2021 31

Best Fri(end)

I
never
thought

This
would
be

How
all
this
would
end

Me
living
here
alone

Without
my
best
friend

(Originally Posted 21.06.2019)

14/02/2021 14

The Night Before…

I keep thinking I’ve forgotten something.

And I have.

You.

(Originally Posted 23.05.2019)

09/02/2021 24

Cheats Never Prosper

If there’s one thing I’ve learned

It’s that you can’t skip the stages

Even if moving forward

Feels like it’s taking fucking ages

If you jump too far forward

You only fall further back

And all you do is store your pain

For further down the track

23/01/2021 11

Sown Up

I don’t feel better

I haven’t forgotten

I’ve just stopped telling you

How I feel

15/12/2020 13

The High Road

You can fuck off now

I’ve had enough

I no longer care

For this selfish stuff

But you should know

And I mean to be blunt

Maybe I wasn’t always right

But you were always a cunt

14/12/2020 48

I Don’t Need You – Not That I Ever Did

I am no longer who I was

I am now someone more

And although I’m alone

I’ll find my own way home

That’s for fucking sure

03/12/2020 14

Ain’t Life Grand

We 
only
really 
reached 
halfway 

When
you
went 
and
died 
on me

Now
what 
was
once
bright 
is grey

As 
I deal 
with 
life's
debris

02/12/2020 6

Ontology

Who am I now?

What should I do?

Why am I still here?

When I could be with you?

Xxx

30/11/2020 6

Regret (2)

Considering
everything
I’ve given
up

My
life is
finally
on track

It’s just
a shame
I didn’t
know
how

All
of
this
would
work
out

And
left
you
standing
a while
back

17/11/2020 7

No Matter What?

How
long
will
you

Be
here
for
me

When
your
own
tradegy
strikes

What
will
happen

To
our
love

When
your
reality
bites?

13/11/2020 10

Sweet Nothings

Do
you
say
those
things

To
someone
else

Now
you
don’t
say
them
to me?

Does
it
make
me
pathetic

My
thoughts
so
frenetic

That
these
things
still
bother
me?

09/11/2020 4

Old News

Some
people
may
have
already

But
I can
never
forget

For
even
after
all
this
time

I’m
still
fucked
in the
head

21/10/2020 13

Just Passing By

Was it you

That was

The one

For me

But a future

Between us

I just

Could not see

I suppose

That now

None of that

Even matters

For you’ve

Moved on

While I’m left

In tatters