With the cost of living rising
And my prospects going down
It may well be time
For me to leave
This tired old humdrum town
Overdrawn
Another
day
Another
dollar
Fuck
knows why
We even
bother
(Originally Posted 10.02.2020)
Insignificant
You’d love to think
You’re in my head
Day in and
Day out
But the truth is
For last few years
It’s been so easy
To block you out
My Truth
I wish
I could
say I was
sorry
I wish
I could
say that
I care
But
I’m
actually
not
And
I really
don’t
So to
lie
would
be unfair
(Originally Posted 04.02.2020)
No Oil Painting
You need to get out more
She said
Get yourself back on the market
There’s no point in either
She said
As I doubt I’d be anyone’s target
Overlooked
What do you think
It would it take
For you
To notice me
Should I wear
A skimpy dress
Paint my lips
So readily?
Well all I have
Is my words
So I guess
That counts me out
As there’s nothing at all
About them
That suggests
I’d like to hangout
(Originally Posted 30.01.2021)
Awkwardness
We don’t have to do it all
He said
We can meet up another day
I need to do it now
She said
Just to get it out of the way
The Trial
You don’t
have to
prove
anything
He said
Least
of all
to me
But I
need to
prove it
to myself
She said
Otherwise
I’ll never
be free
(Originally Posted 28.01.2020)
The Widow’s Curse
It’s hard at times
For me to explain
As I want to protect you
From feeling my pain
And it’s never your fault
When I’m triggered like this
But when you hold my hand
It reminds me of his
‘Hand In Glove’
Some days
your hand
fits
perfectly
in mine
Our love
flows freely
and
sparkles
like wine
Some days
I can’t
bear
to hold
your hand
For
reasons
you
couldn’t
understand
(Originally Posted 21.01.2020)
Screwed
If we’d had a plan
When all this began
Perhaps we could both advance
But as things are
We’ve gone too far
And now none of us
Stand a chance
Obvious
At a
different
time
In a
different
place
The
answer
would
stare
us
Right
in the
face
(Originally Posted 30.11.2019)
After The Affair
You can say sorry
All you want
And truly mean
What you say
But when you’ve been burnt
All that pain and hurt
Doesn’t ever
Just go away
The Bargain
Who knows
when our
time will
come
But I fear
it’s not
just yet
For you
have to
forgive
yourself
And I
have to
forget
(Originally Posted 27.11.2019)
New Beginnings
Early this morning
Whilst stood on the street
The plumpest wee robin
Landed at my feet
It looked like she’d managed
To escape her cage
And that she was ready
To face winter’s rage
Unfathomable Cruelty
Only I
know why
the caged
bird sings
It’s because
some bastard
clipped it’s
wings
Yet as the
tears rise
and the
anger stings
The bird
knows it’s
just one of
those things
(Originally Posted 22.11.2019)
Self Improvement Isn’t Always Progress
I’ve really tried hard
These last few years
To become more authentic
But I fear in trying
To come out of hiding
I just look even more eccentric
‘Getting Away With It’
I’m
pretty
good
at it
now
Hiding
all
my
flaws
Thank
God
you
don’t
see
The
real
me
The
one
that’s
such a
fraud
(Originally Posted 09.11.2020)
Not Yet, Anyway
It will soon be three years
Without him here
And I know time is supposed to fly
But it feels like just yesterday
That he was my mainstay
So I’m not ready for some other guy
The Anniversary
It will
soon be
a year,
without
you here,
and I
don’t
know
what
to do.
For I’m
still
nowhere
near,
facing
my fear,
or the
reality
of losing
you.
Xxx
(Originally Posted 17.10.2019)
Spilt Milk
There’s no use in trying
To understand
As it makes no difference
We may as well take complying
By the hand
And hope for deliverence
The Fall
I am
unsure
how it
happened
And I
certainly
don’t
know why
So there’s
nothing left,
for me to
do now
But
just sit
around
and cry
(Originally Posted 15.10.2019)
Too Much Effort
Why don’t you just move on
They ask
And find another man
I’ve neither the inclination
I reply
Or the attention span
Stupid Questions
Do
you
still
think
of him
They
ask
Every
single
day
I
reply
Will
you
ever
stop
They
ask
Not
until
the
day
I die
(Originally Posted 08.10.2020)
Constant Reminders
I’ve actually done
Pretty well to be fair
Staying on here
With all this pain to bear
I guess I have found ways
To make it my own
But this place will never not be
Our forever home
Haunted
Death
peers in
through
the gloom
As I
lie here
alone in
this room
Upon
this bed
we once
shared
Crying for
the love
we once
declared
(Originally Posted 06.10.2019)
Idolised
Some have beauty
Some have braun
Some have charm and flair
Some of them even
Have half a brain
But to you they never compare
First Sight
It
was
clear
to me
The
moment
we met
That
you’d
be the
one
I’d
least
regret
Xxx
(Originally Posted 30.09.2020)
I’ll Find Out For Myself
It doesn’t matter
Who I ask
No one can answer me
So three years in
It’s time to begin
Living independently
?
What did I do
to deserve this?
Why did this
happen to me?
Where will
I end up now?
Who is coming
to save me?
(Originally Posted 30.09.2019)
Even On Good Days
It’s never too far away
That shadow
I see it from the corner
Of my eye
An ever present reminder
Of what we lost
And when we had
To say goodbye
Mourning
Darkness
casts a
shadow
over my
head
As it
does
over
my
heart
Thoughts
and
dreams
of you
abound
As does
sorrow
that
we’d to
part
(Originally Posted 27.09.2019)
Redo
There is no going back
There are no more simpler times
Now I just have to accept
That you’ll never again be mine
Undo
Can we go back
To a simpler time
When I was yours
And you were mine?
(Originally Posted 27.09.2020)
Stuck
I know it comes evey year
Yet I’m still no more prepared
As much as I try
I’m still left high and dry
With any chance to move on impaired
That Day
I’m scared
of what
that day
will bring,
As I
know it’s
approaching
fast.
Even if
it’s the
start of
my future,
There’s no
way of
forgetting
my past.
(Originally Posted 05.09.2019)
Putting The Flags Away
I don’t know why
I got carried away
I only smiled
That one day
It’s not like my sadness
Can fade to grey
As this black cloud
Is here to stay
‘A Little Peculiar’
Something happened this morning
When I sat up in my bed
I found that instead of yawning
I actually smiled instead
(Originally Posted 10.08.2020)
If Not Now, When?
I’ll talk you through each step
He said
I’ll explain everything as we go
That’s not what concerns me
She said
It’s the resultant shame I need to forgo
Like Riding A Bike
It’s
not
that
I don’t
want
to
She
said
It’s
more
that
I don’t
know
how
Just
come a
little
closer
He
said
None
of
that
matters
now
(Originally Posted 05.08.2020)
Weight Off Your Shoulders
I hope that now
You’re away from me
You are enjoying
Your life carefree
I hope you don’t
Think of me
For I’m standing tall
Just as I should be
The Burden
If
only
I knew
what to do
I
would
not be so
reliant on you
If
only
I knew
how to grieve
It
would be
so much easier
to let you leave
If
only
I knew
who to be
I’d
thank you
for your help
and set you free
(Originally Posted 01.08.2019)
Not Wandering Anymore
Out with the old
And in with the new
Time for me to find
Someone better than you
Rose Tinted Glasses
Sometimes a
wander down
memory lane
is no bad
thing
So long
as you can
remember
your way
back
(Originally Posted 22.07.2019)
To Never Apologising Again
This is how
You made me feel
Pathetic, lonely
And small
It took me far too long
To realise
That this wasn’t love
At all
Apologies
I’m sorry I act like I don’t care,
I’m sorry it seems like I’m rarely there.
I’m sorry it looks like I don’t even try,
I’m sorry that you’ve never see me cry.
I’m sorry I never appear in a hurry,
I’m sorry I always make you worry.
I’m sorry I can’t be who you want me to be.
But most of all I’m just sorry for being me.
(Originally Posted 26.06.2019)
There’s Still Time
Have you thought about moving on
He said
Of starting a life with someone else
It hasn’t even crossed my mind
She said
As I’m more than happy on the shelf
It’s Not The Same Thing
Just think about
What I lost
On the day he died
Then ask yourself
If you were me
When would your tears subside?
(Originally Posted 25.06.2021)
The Failed Ultimatum
Remember when you told me
To do this / do that
And you expected
I’d dance to your tune
Well, in reality
Your words fell flat
And to your bullshit
I’m now immune
Think Again
It’s a
mistake
to tell
me what
to do.
Even
bigger
to think
I’d listen
to you.
(Originally Posted 21.06.2019)
Only Traces Left
No matter how hard you strive
To keep a memory alive
They’re always forgotten
In the end
At All
I reach
for your hand,
but it’s not there,
and further into
the abyss
I fall.
I search
for your face,
but you don’t care,
and it’s like we
were never here
at all.
(Originally Posted 20.06.2019)
No Room At The Inn
You should look for someone else
They say
Now time’s moved on a bit
I wouldn’t know where to start
I say
Or where in my head they’d fit
HeadRoom
I
did
not
realise
That
space
in my
head
Would
still be
filled
by you
Even
though
you’re
dead
(Originally Posted 24.05.2020)
I Am Now
I do not look
Over my shoulder
For I am brave
I am bolder
You will not beat me
Any longer
Because I am better
I am stronger
Yearning
Time passes
Like a dream
In my mind
As I remember
Everything
I’ve left behind
(Originally Posted 25.04.2020)
In
The days still march on,
But now I run forward.
Always in step,
Everything in place,
And just about in time.
Out
The days march on,
But I trail behind.
Out of step,
Out of place,
Out of time.
(Originally Posted 09.04.2019)
Becoming Unstuck
Back in the day
The only way
Was to express my grief
In paragraphs
I avoided talking
Like the plague
And couldn’t look
At photographs
I knew that it
Was wrong of me
But in my sadness
I was frozen
There was no option
For me back then
No other path
I could have chosen
But now I find
Day in day out
I can move
A little bit more
I am becoming unstuck,
It seems
Of that much
I am sure
I can only hope
As time goes on
Things continue
In this vain
And I’m never physically,
Mentally or emotionally
So immovable
Again
Immovable
It’s like wading through a swamp. Trying to lift your limbs from quicksand. Pushing against an invisible wind with a colossal weight strapped to your back. Everything takes so much longer. So many hours are lost. Motivation is impossible to muster. Action comes only in waves. Trivial tasks are insurmountable and nothing makes sense.
I’ve become physically, mentally and emotionally immovable.
Please, send help.
(Originally Posted 26.03.2019)
Perspectives
God, I remember that night so well
Along with the guilt that ensued
It took quite a while
To realise my smile
Didn’t leave his memory devalued
Open Ending
It was nice talking to you last night.
I forgot, for a moment, that my heart is broken.
It felt good to laugh, to smile, to dance.
It’s been a while since I did those things.
I’m happy we randomly met, but I’m also glad you left when you did.
Now I have the memory of our open ending, to help mend my grieving heart.
(Originally Posted 17.03.2019)
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 
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