"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
I had forgotten
Ever writing this
But reading it now
It’s so clear to see
Why the overwhelming trauma
I endured that morning
Will never leave
My memory
Sigh
Sorry
it must
end
this way
She
said
But
I need
to let
you go
Please
don’t
forget
what we
had
He
said
Or
how
I loved
you
so
(Originally Posted 07.07.2020)
If our case was
To be heard again
In any court of law
You know it would end
With your actions condemned
And you locked behind this door
At Her Majesty’s Pleasure
You were keen to kidnap my kindness.
Happy to hijack hope from my heart.
You smiled whilst you stole my soul,
and laughed as you looted the love from my life.
So why am I the one who is sentenced to this life of solitude,
And you are strolling around out there scot-free?
(Originally Posted 07.07.2019)
To anyone who has ever read
Liked, shared, or commented
You’ve helped more
Than you could know
Without your engagement
There’d be complete derangement
And I’d have ended things
Long ago
Futile
Sometimes,
I depress
myself
As my
thoughts
fill the
page
Why
am I
here
Wasting
everyone’s
time
Hoping
for
someone
to engage
(Originally Posted 06.07.2020)
If only this one
Was the truth bar none
And I had such a steadfast allure
But in reality
This could never be me
As I am all too easily ignored
Push And Pull
Love me
or
loathe me
You’ll
never
escape me
So why
would
you even
try
Kiss me
or
kill me
You will
always
want me
So there’s
no point
in saying
goodbye
(Originally Posted 06.07.2019)
I really hadn’t
Given much thought
To how hard
Life would be
Alone
The constant struggle
In this suffocating bubble
And all so far away
From home
A Tale Of Two Cities
I really don’t want to leave
But I know that I can’t stay
Though I’ll be alone
Wherever I go
So I’m screwed either way
(Originally Posted 05.07.2019)
You should stop the negative self talk
He said
And just give yourself a break
I’m not sure if that’s possible
She said
With the destruction I’ve left in my wake
Adjourned
Those
words
you
spoke
so softly
Are
etched
upon
my
brain
A
reminder
of
how
I really
did
Fuck
things
up
again
(Originally Posted 05.07.2020)
Your touch
Leaves me reeling
Your kisses
Make me swoon
It seems
That for now
From romance,
Somehow,
I am no longer
Immune
Carnal Knowledge
These
blissful
feelings
are all
consuming
Who knew
one kiss
would
be so
subsuming
(Originally Posted 04.07.2020)
I was thinking about this
Just last night
How I am not always
Visually inspired
Have I such little imagination
Lack a formal education
Or is it just that new glasses
Are required?
The Art Gallery
Sometimes
I think
I’m too
stupid to
understand
Sometimes
I think
I’m the
only one
that does
(Originally Posted 04.07.2019)
How can you sleep at night
She said
Just cutting me off like this
With no problem at all
She said
Despite how you persist
‘Because Enough Is Too Much’
I can explain
He said
If you want to hear it
I don’t have time
She said
For anymore bullshit
(Originally Posted 03.07.2021)
At that café
Drinking tea
I wished you were there
Sitting opposite me
But I soon realised
Even though we’re apart
You’ll always be with me
Inside my heart
Xxx
Royal Exchange Square
I had to come back here,
How could I not?
Because it all started here,
On that night I’ve never forgot.
Xxx
(Originally Posted 03.07.2019)
He may well
Have been a chancer
But he was also
A fine romancer
Otherwise I’d have left him
Years ago
‘… A Midnight Toker’
What
do I
have
to
show
for my
life
Fuck
all
is
the
answer
I
suppose
that’s
what
you
should
expect
When
you
risk
it all
on a
chancer
(Originally Posted 03.07.2020)
Charlatans and con artists
Preying on the weak
Making a pretty penny
Through their lies and false mystique
It’s not that I don’t ‘get it’
Or couldn’t possibly understand
It’s that their ‘gift’
Is a fucking grift
And, quite frankly, should be banned
Sceptical
You can tell me all you want
That you can hear him
But I’ll never believe it’s true
For if he was talking to anyone
From the ‘other side’
Then it would be me, not you
Xxx
(Originally Posted 02.07.2021)
Cuts that were made
Long ago
Given time do
Eventually heal
But their scars
Will remain
To remind you
Of the pain
You couldn’t reveal
No Sharps Please
The
cut
on
my
wrist
Has
now
healed
As
I was
told
not
to
pick
it
The
delicate
skin
Is
now
sealed
So
I will
try
not
to
nick
it
Again
(Originally Posted 02.07.2020)
How many times
Did I say this
How many times
Did I wish it were true
But now that I’m free
Indefinitely
There is no fun
Without you
Staid
Is
that
it
now
She
said
Are
we
finally
done
As
I’d
like
to go
out
She
said
And
actually
have
some
fun
(Originally Posted 01.07.2019)
There was a period of time
After he died
When I returned to my old ways
Auditioning random men
As a replacement
All in a drunken haze
Thankfully
It didn’t last
And it proved to be just a phase
As I realised
Pretty quickly
It didn’t help with my malaise
On A Promise
What happens when the music stops
She said
Do we have to go home?
Wherever you end up going
He said
You won’t be going alone
(Originally Posted 01.07.2021)
Quite a subtle reference here
To a drug I’ve seen
But never taken
I’ve just always known
Being dependence prone
That beast never to awaken
Need(le)
I
need
you
here
Please
come
and
save
me
I
need
to
feel
The
love
you
gave
me
(Originally Posted 01.07.2020)
Yet as the sun came out
Last summer
The glue I’d used soon melted
So whatever I felt back then
Didn’t start a trend
Or conclude as well as projected
Out Of The Blue
I woke up with a smile
Today
All the bad feeling
Had gone away
It actually felt
Like it was the start
Of gluing back together
My broken heart
(Originally Posted 30.06.2021)
Back before
I was heart broken
And became
Such a misery
I was capable
Of having fun
Which I did,
Consistently
This is one
Of many stories
From when I was
The queen of frolicking
To think how I was then
Compared to now
Is quite simply
Astonishing
If I could roll back
The years
And talk
To a younger me
I would tell her
‘Don’t just pick one fella’
And keep living your life
Care free
A Love Quadrangle
It
should
be
me
Said
man
number
one
I’ve
been
here
from
the
start
It
should
be
me
Said
man
number
two
I’d
never
break
her
heart
It
should
be
me
Said
man
number
three
I
see
her
playful
side
Please,
stop
arguing
boys
She
said
You
couldn’t
handle
me if
you
tried!
(Originally Posted 30.06.2020)
I dreamt about him last night
You know
For only the third time since he died
At least we had fun
In this one
And it was when I woke up I cried
A Heavenly Reunion
What
are
you
doing
here
He
said
I
told
you
not
to
follow
I
couldn’t
take
any
more
She
said
Life
without
you
left
me
hollow
Xxx
(Originally Posted 29.06.2020)
I’ve always been drawn
To water
Knowing it’s nearby
Is very relaxing
There’s been many a time
It has calmed my mind
And saved me
From fully collapsing
Down By The River
It’s so peaceful here.
Quiet. Serene.
If only the incessant chatter in my head would quieten down,
I might just be able to enjoy it.
(Originally Posted 29.06.2019)
I love that you see
Something in me
And I hope one day
That I’ll see it too
But whilst I am trying
There’s no point in denying
That I’m just not as nice
As you
The Bright Side Of My Dark Heart
I’m
glad
that
you
can
see
it
As
I
don’t
have
a
clue
But
out
of
everyone
It
might
have
been
I
knew
it
would
be
you
(Originally Posted 28.06.2020)
You would never just take an item
If it didn’t belong to you
Just because someone
Has since died
It doesn’t make that any less true
Too Big For Your Boots
I’d rather watch them burn
Than see them in your hands
How you even think
You could ever lay claim
I will never understand
(Originally Posted 28.06.2021)
Pretending I was fine
On that trip
Was just something
I needed to do
So I wiped my eyes
And stifled my cries
In the tent
Next door to you
Camping
The warmth of the sun on your face,
The anticipation of a road trip with friends,
The promise of tall tales around the campfire.
It’s the little things that bring the most joy.
(Originally Posted 28.06.2019)
It wouldn’t matter if you said sorry
Or tried hard to make amends
For we may always be
Family
But we’ll never again be friends
The Call That Never Comes (Not That I’d Answer If It Did)
I’m
sorry
for
what
I did
I’m
sorry
for
what
I said
I’ve
been
an
utter
arsehole
Given
that
he
is
dead
(Originally Posted 27.06.2020)
It has gotten easier
To get out of bed
But life without him
Has not
For there is little relief
From the pain of grief
And that is now my lot
Options
I am amazed, yet again, that I’ve found the courage to get out of bed.
You have no idea how hard it is.
This sustained internal struggle.
The conscious effort required to motivate myself to move.
The strength of belief needed to convince my anxious brain that we can get through the day unscathed.
It’s exhausting.
If only I could return to the naivety of the past.
Travel back to a time when sadness was mere affectation.
Where melancholy was a comforting friend.
And death wasn’t such a viable option.
(Originally Posted 27.06.2019)
Having been in this situation
More than once
I made sure to learn from it
So now I immediately
Draw the line
The second I smell bullshit
Distortion
You
tell
your
truth
And
I’ll
tell
mine
But
we
both
know
Who
crossed
the
line
(Originally Posted 26.06.2020)
This is how
You made me feel
Pathetic, lonely
And small
It took me far too long
To realise
That this wasn’t love
At all
Apologies
I’m sorry I act like I don’t care,
I’m sorry it seems like I’m rarely there.
I’m sorry it looks like I don’t even try,
I’m sorry that you’ve never see me cry.
I’m sorry I never appear in a hurry,
I’m sorry I always make you worry.
I’m sorry I can’t be who you want me to be.
But most of all I’m just sorry for being me.
(Originally Posted 26.06.2019)
If only I could make it better
But there is no way that I can
For you have lost her forever
Just the same as I lost my man
Real Talk
It
hurts
my
heart
To
hear
you
cry
And
watch
you
break
Like
this
As
your
life
Falls
apart
And
you
stare
Into
the
abyss
(Originally Posted 25.06.2020)
Have you thought about moving on
He said
Of starting a life with someone else
It hasn’t even crossed my mind
She said
As I’m more than happy on the shelf
It’s Not The Same Thing
Just think about
What I lost
On the day he died
Then ask yourself
If you were me
When would your tears subside?
(Originally Posted 25.06.2021)
I think that when
I wrote this one
I was trying
Not to be too mean
But believe you me
Nothing was easy
Back
In twenty nineteen
How Are You?
It’s easier to say I’m alright,
Rather then I’m anxious.
It’s easier to say I’m okay,
Rather than I’m outraged.
It’s easier to say I’m better,
Rather than I’m broken.
It’s easier to say I’m good,
Rather than I’m grieving.
It’s easier to say I’m well,
Rather than I’m wasted.
It’s easier to say I’m fine,
Rather than I’m fucked.
(Originally Posted 24.06.2019)
Remember you said
You’d love me forever
And you begged me
To let you to stay
Well I’m beginning
To wonder
If that
Was a blunder
And if I should’ve
Walked away
Happier
Perhaps we’d
have been
happier
as strangers,
For never
having met.
Perhaps we’d
have been
happier
as strangers,
With nothing
to regret.
(Originally Posted 24.06.2019)
As
life
continues
To slip
through
my fingers
Here
I stand,
still
As the
sadness
lingers
Tinged With Sadness
In
amongst
all of
this
madness
Here
I stand
Heart
tinged
with
sadness
(Originally Posted 24.06.2020)
Believe it or not
Despite my wroth
I am actually quite sweet
I may talk shit
In these words I spit
But in real life I’m a treat
Nom De Plume
Charmer’s the name
Misery the game
Pleased to meet you
I ain’t
I may lack flair
Writing without care
But really
I’m a saint
*winks*
(Originally Posted 23.06.2020)
And who did win out
In the end?
Well it wasn’t you
Was it my friend
All that effort
To leave me crushed
And yet I walked
Before I was pushed
Match Point
Please,
ignore
me
more and
more
each day.
For you’ll
only
push me
further
away.
Please,
glower
at me
more and
more
each week.
For
I won’t
always
turn
the other
cheek.
Please,
isolate me
more and
more
as time
goes on.
For we’ll
see who is
victorious,
when all is
said and done.
(Originally Posted 23.06.2019)
You appear to me in a way
That is beyond my cognition
Emerging slowly into the light
As a ghostly apparition
I hear you whisper softly
How it is now your mission
To close the void between us
And put an end to Deaths partition
Mausoleum
In
the
graveyard
Of
my
mind
Is
where
the
memories
Of
us
reside
So
when
I’m
alone
In
the
dead
of
night
I
walk
the
tombs
Of
our
love’s
plight
(Originally Posted 23.06.2020)
I’ve done what I can
Said the man
The rest is up to you
I will try, Brother
Said the other
But it’s not what I am used to
Taking Turns
That’s
it
now
I’ve
pulled us
through
So for
better
or worse
It’s
over
to you
(Originally Posted 22.06.2020)
I met him on the Solstice
Many, many moons ago
There amongst the stones I thought
He looks to be in the know
So I asked him that question
The one you see below
But alas, he shook his head and said
‘I just go with the flow’
The Sage
Tell me
how
you do
it
She
said
How
do you
stay so
strong
I
don’t
really
know
He
said
I make
it up
as
I go
along
(Originally Posted 22.06.2020)
You know why
We ended up here, right?
It’s the only way
To resolve our fight
Now we are free
To call each other names
As we pull no punches
And sidestep the flames
On Fire
Hell
has
been
a lonely
place.
It’s
good
to see
you
down
here.
(Originally Posted 21.06.2019)
Remember when you told me
To do this / do that
And you expected
I’d dance to your tune
Well, in reality
Your words fell flat
And to your bullshit
I’m now immune
Think Again
It’s a
mistake
to tell
me what
to do.
Even
bigger
to think
I’d listen
to you.
(Originally Posted 21.06.2019)
I used to care
What he thought of me
That I did a good job
So my skills he’d see
But now he’s changed
And lost my respect
So I just take the wage
And disconnect
Diss Regard
What’s
the
point
In all
this
chatter
Now
I’ve
realised
You
don’t
matter
Anymore
(Originally Posted 20.06.2020)
No matter how hard you strive
To keep a memory alive
They’re always forgotten
In the end
At All
I reach
for your hand,
but it’s not there,
and further into
the abyss
I fall.
I search
for your face,
but you don’t care,
and it’s like we
were never here
at all.
(Originally Posted 20.06.2019)
Put lavender on your pillow
He said
Or drink some chamomile tea
I’ve tried every pill know to man
She said
So I doubt they’ll work for me
In The North
It never quite gets dark
This time of year
Which makes the sky so pretty
But when you’re already
Struggling to sleep
It is also kinda shitty
(Originally Posted 20.06.2021)
Five cans
Six cans
Seven cans
Eight
No point
Stopping now
It’s already
Too late
Six Pack Blues
One can
Two cans
Three cans
Four
Perhaps
I should eat
Before
I drink
Any more
(Originally Posted 19.06.2020)
I lay in the bath
As you walked the path
Into the depths
Of my soul
I dropped the glass
As we came to pass
And I knew then
I was out of control
(Laws Of) Attraction
I
can no
longer
trust
myself
Whenever
I see
your
face
For I
just
want to
kiss
you
And
never
leave
your
embrace
(Originally Posted 19.06.2020)
It’s great you have a hobby
He said
Not one I share, I confess
Because writing isn’t a hobby
She said
It’s a matter of life or death
Vocabularians Of The World Unite
Vocabularians of the world unite
To put the wrongs of our world right
To give a voice to those too tired to fight
And into the darkness bring forth the light
(Originally Posted 18.06.2020)
If this one doesn’t work
He said
I can always prescribe another
If this one doesn’t work
She said
You’d better run for cover
For I have had enough
She said
Of being given pills to chew
I completely understand
He said
But there’s little else I can do
‘Not Another Day…’
Another
day
Another
pill
Will
this
one
make
me
Feel
less
ill?
(Originally Posted 18.06.2020)
I spent years people pleasing
And it wrecked my mental health
So now I don’t please anyone
Except my fucking self
I’ve Heard It All Before
Just because
What doesn’t kill me
Apparently
Makes me stronger
Doesn’t give you
An excuse
To hurt me
Any longer
(Originally Posted 17.06.2021)
I don’t think
It will matter
How much time
Continues to turn
This will
Forever
Be the case
That much
I have learned
Three Score And Ten
Some
days
it feels
like
forever
Others
it feels
like a
minute
But no
matter
how
much
time has
passed
Life is
still
shit
without
you
in it
Xxx
(Originally Posted 17.06.2020)
Made me laugh out loud, this one
As it really is quite blunt
It never ceases to amaze me
How I can be such a
Con trol freak, at times
Trust Issues
Somebody
once
told
me
It will
all be
OK in
the end
Well, that
person
lied
to me
And so
is no
longer
my friend
(Originally Posted 16.06.2020)
I sense more of this type coming
And to be honest
I’m a little afraid
Not only to reread them
But also to relive them
Knowing how I’m capable of such again
The Note
It was the lonliness
That got to me
If I’m honest
In the end
Sitting here
Just quietly
But all alone
Yet again
Desperately trying
But failing
My broken heart
To mend
And all the while
Convinced
That the rope
Was my only friend
(Originally Posted 16.06.2020)
You can call me anytime
He said
I’ll always be here for you
I’d love it if just once
She said
You made me feel that that was true
Calling It Quits
I should have trusted you
She said
And let you through the wall
I didn’t try hard enough
He said
In fact I didn’t really try at all
(Originally Posted 15.06.2021)
To paint us as happy
For near nineteen years
Would be way too simplistic
To say there were times
When we were far from fine
Would be much more realistic
Xxx
Sleeping On The Sofa
Too
many
times
I’ve
sat
here
and
cried
Your
slightest
touch
So
cruelly
denied
And
even
though
We
both
tried
I’ve
still
been
left
Feeling
dead
inside
Xxx
(Originally Posted 15.06.2020)
I should have gone with him that day
Instead of just staying in
As all I have to show
Now for saying no
Is one hell of a double chin
Better Plans
Shall we go out today
He said
Have a blast and give it our all
I’m afraid I already have a date
She said
With pizza, beer and football
(Originally Posted 14.06.2021)
I think I was once preoccupied
With being considered a ‘proper poet’
But I’ve since come to realise
That my style doesn’t trivialise
Life or how I choose to show it
Bottom Of The Class
I
scroll
through
your words
And
realise
mine don’t
compare
For
you all
write so
beautifully
Whereas
I splurge
without
a care
(Originally Posted 14.06.2020)
If
I ask
you a
question
He
said
Do you
promise
to tell
the truth?
Yes
She
lied
Does My Bum Look Big In This?
If
I ask
you a
question
She
said
Do you
promise
to tell
the truth?
Yes
He
lied
(Originally Posted 13.06.2020)
I remember feeling like this
Every day back then
When it would take everything I had
To get up and do it again
Although now I find it easier
With most mornings not as hard
I’d be lying if I didn’t say
Sometimes I’m still caught off guard
5am
Stomach lurching,
Bones aching,
Head pounding,
Heart breaking,
Waking up is never easy.
(Originally Posted 13.06.2019)
As
I lie
here
Alone
again
I can
only
assume
I
wasn’t
Bounty
I
can
only
hope
I’m
worth
the
wait
(Originally Posted 12.06.2020)
Hoping this pill proves fruitful
That it will work as designed
So I swallow another scoopful
To quiet the chaos in my mind
Five A Day
An
apple
a day
may
keep
the
doctor
away.
But
it’s a
pill
at night
that makes
me feel
alright.
(Originally Posted 12.06.2019)
She taught me everything I know
Both for the good and for the bad
Still, I cannot help but love her
As she’s the only mother I’ll have
Nature Vs Nurture
The
packet
cracks
As
the
tablet
snaps
And I
glug it
down
with
water
My
body
contracts
As
I face
the
facts
That
I am my
mother’s
daughter
(Originally Posted 11.06.2020)
Darkest thoughts
On my darkest day
I can but hope
The worst is away
Found
Hearing
how
sad
you
would
be
Doesn’t
make
me
change
my
mind
All
it
does
is
remind
me
to
choose
A
method
that
is
kind
(Originally Posted 11.06.2020)
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 
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