Category: Laughing

Row 3 Seat 5

I don’t know
who said you
were funny

But I think
you’re pretty
witless

This really
wasn’t worth
the money

As I’m sitting
here bored
shitless

30

Kids

I
love
you

You
love
me

Let’s
make a
little
family

But try
not to
fuck
them up

Like our
folks did
to us

That way
they’ll be
fabulous

18

G42

Was it really

The best of times?

Or was it just

The worst?

I’ve got nae idea, pal

Ma heid’s fuckin’ burst

15

Middle Class Wooing

Don’t
bother
picking
flowers

They
will just
make me
sneeze

If you
really
want to
impress me

Just
bring
a wheel
of cheese

For an
‘expensive’
bottle
of wine

And a
little
bit of
Brie

Is
really
all it
takes

To get
into
bed
with me

28

Swipe Right

How’s
about
it

Just
us
two?

Fancy
a
walk

Visit
the
zoo?

Get
a
beer

Eat
some
food?

Spend
the
night

Being
terribly
rude?

10

Bed Head

There’s
so much
power,

In the
scissors
you wield,

It really
makes me
worry.

One slip
of your
hand,

A snip
or two
unplanned,

And I won’t
be going out
in a hurry.

3

Well, You Asked…

Even
though
I find
your
writing
talent
genuinely
quite
considerable

Reading
your
words
over and
over again
really
does just
make me
miserable

18

Literally

Last night
I dreamt

That somebody
hugged me

It was the best
night’s sleep

I’ve had
in months

20

Fatigued Feline

I really
can’t be
arsed today

Do I have
to leave
the house?

I promise
if you let
me stay

I’ll be
as quiet
as a mouse

8

Ever Hopeful

Crossing
the road
slowly

Ever hopeful
of getting
run over

Leaving
the oven
door open

Ever hopeful
of inhaling
the gas

Drinking
spirits
every day

Ever hopeful
of pickling
the liver

Eating
salted chips
all night

Ever hopeful
of a heart
bypass

11

Wings

Fuck
this
shit

Said
the
moth

To
the
flame

It’s
never
going
to work

It’s
your
fault

Said
the
flame

To
the
moth

For going
so fucking
berserk

20

Disclaimer

I think it’s finally happened

I’ve actually gone mental

Any similarly to actual persons

(Alive or dead)

Is purely coincidental

6

Rhubarb

Searching
for
light

Raised
in
darkness

Our
numbers
grow

Despite
the
sparseness

6

A Messy Job

Why oh why
did I try
to paint
my nails
on a train?

Never will
I attempt
such a
ridiculous
thing again!

19

Outbid

Don’t
give
up,

The
email
reads,

You can
still get
what you
want.

Only an
automated
response,

I
believe,

Could
be so
nonchalant.

8

Vanity

Waiting
for the
rain to
stop

I don’t
want to
see another
drop

It
really
doesn’t
seem fair

For I’ve
spent so
long doing
my hair

13

These Ruby Shoes

It
doesn’t
matter
where
you go

Or
however
far
you
roam

It’s
true what
they say
you know
Toto

There
is no
place
like
home

7

The Washing Machine of Life

Up and down
Spinning around
No stability
to be found

Right and left
Side to side
Nowhere else
left to hide

Hang on,
where did
this sock
come from?

And where
the fuck
is the
other one?

19

Let’s Go Back

This was the wrong choice
Said the spider to the fly
I think we should return

I suppose you’re right
Said the fly to the spider
When will we ever fucking learn?

4

Let’s Go

Fuck this shit
Said the spider to the fly
I really can’t be arsed

I agree entirely
Said the fly to the spider
I’m done with this farce

16

Cops & Robbers

Caught with
my hands
in the
sweetie jar
I retreat,
shamefaced,
when I
hear a
police car…

Who the
fuck has
called
the cops?

I’ve only
stolen
a couple
of pear
drops…

2

The Knight

You would come charging in on your white horse

Thinking you’re going to save the world, of course

But you’ve got nothing to offer underneath all of that armour

You don’t fool me, you know, you little charmer

0

Five A Day

An
apple
a day
may
keep
the
doctor
away.

But
it’s a
pill
at night
that makes
me feel
alright.

0

Monsters

They are always there,
Gnawing away at my brain.

One day I will kill them,
And I shall smile again.

0

Success

Live, laugh, love
Comes the wisdom from above

Stop, sob, spite
Is what gets me through the night

0

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