Tag: depression

Wow Part #1

Jesus.

How depressed was I?

I’d travelled over to Dublin

Albeit with a heavy sigh

I remember all those people

And all the fun they had

I remember trying to fit in

Even though I was pretty much mad

It’s sad to think back now

On just how much I missed

As I may well have been there in person

But I clearly did not want to exist

Travel

It doesn’t matter where in the world you go.

How beautiful the country you visit,

How fascinating the people you meet,

How much booze you drink.

You can’t run away from your thoughts.

You might have a different view from your window but your soul will remain as black as the night sky and, beneath it all, you’ll still be the same fuck up you always were.

Travel solves nothing.

(Originally Posted 30.03.2019)

6

A Simple Solution

I took the easier route,

In the end,

And just sold the car

Country Roads

I should stop driving

So late at night

Especially

On country roads

It is far too tempting

Not to press the brake

And it’s not like

I’m afraid of the dark…

(Originally Posted 15.03.2019)

15

1994

This may have been posted

In 2019

But it was written long ago

In the back of a French class

As I recall

Looking out into the snow

Je Suis Morte

I’ve been here so many, many times before

I’m just fucking bored now.

Bored with the fucking lot of it.

It’s pointless now.

Not that there ever was a point, obviously.

Je Suis Morte.

I Fucking Wish.

(Originally Posted 02.03.2019)

8

Random #172

“No one else is carrying the aftermath trauma you have endured inside their body. They are not paying the concequences. They are not managing the recovery.

Therefore their opinions are secondary to any and all things that help you heal.”

– Nate Postlethwait via @mindful_tom

8

Waking Thoughts

And so to yet

Another day

Resisting

The urge to cry

In a body

That is fighting

Hard to survive

But with a mind

That wants to die

12

Accountability

It was you who made things difficult

It was you who made things worse

You who added injury to insult

It was you who left me cursed

It was you who made me doubt myself

It was you who made me cry

You who just pleased yourself

It was you who never asked why

But as for all that has followed

All that has now came to be

Every pill that I have swallowed

That’s on no one else but me

13

Whatever You Say

I’m going to be happy today

She said

Push this sadness from my mind

I’ll give you half an hour

He said

And even then that’s being kind

18

El Paradiso

You find me here alone
Broken and desolate

With nothing to call my own
Except for beer and regret

5

Growing Pale

What is the point

In another day

Living in silence

Wasting away

Especially as

No one cares anyway

Better to go now

Than fade to grey

13

Next (2)

Time stands still

As I lose the will

To say another word

Now I know the drill

I’ll take another pill

And accept I’ll go unheard

11

Body Snatchers

Far more terrifying

Than any soul left behind

Are the ghouls camped out permanently

In the corners of my mind

16

A Full Refund

Once upon a time

When I was ill

I truly believed

That this was it

I couldn’t see

Anything else for me

But another day

Drowning in shit

But now life is better

I have found

And I can finally

See a plan

So it is time

To return that rope

As quickly

As I can

7

Tremulous

Nothing can bring me

Down today

All my pain

Has gone away

Wherever I go

You’ll hear me say

Thank fuck for Prozac

Hip hop hooray!

19

Putting It Bluntly

I’ll say

I felt better

In the end

But the honest truth

Is that

The only reason

I didn’t jump

That day

Is there’d be no one

To feed my cat

47

#8 The Optimist

This is

A message

From your favourite

Depressive

To say all

Is well with me

Here’s hoping

It lasts

That those days

Have passed

And I don’t drive

Into a tree

19

Distraction

Maybe I could see a friend

Or give them a call instead

It must be better than wrestling

With these demons in my head

13

Hard To Believe

When you find

It’s a struggle to cope

When it feels

Like you’ve lost all hope

Remember and try

To just hold on

For there will be

Better days to come

34

Out Of My Hands

There wouldn’t be any problem

If I didn’t wake up tomorrow

At least I wouldn’t be in pain

Or suffocating in this sorrow

21

Two Steps Back

Words don’t cut it

Anymore

So it’s back to the knives

Instead

I really thought

I was over this

But the trauma demon

Has to be fed

26

From Birth

Why is everything so fucking bleak with you

He said

Why can’t you just stop moping around

For my melancholy is lifelong

She said

And no cure can be found

2

The End Of The Road

Pretending gets tiring

After a while

So in the end you stop

With no cylinders left firing

And an inibility to smile

It’s back up to that rooftop

14

Namesake

Well that’s me back

In the doldrums again

Months of progress

Down the drain

I can no longer be bothered

With any motivation to find

For it’s clear now nothing will fix

This fragile mind of mine

23

Haywire

One minute I’m up

But then the next I’m down

It’s really hard

To fake this smile

When it’s easier to frown

19

Personality #3

I see you there

With your vacant stare

Drowning in infinite sadness

But never fear

I’ll alway be here

Trying to sweep away your madness

11

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