I
don’t
want
to feel
better
I
don’t
want
to feel
at all
"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
I
don’t
want
to feel
better
I
don’t
want
to feel
at all
And
so
begins
another
day
Where
I pretend
every
thing
is ok
If
only
there
was
another
way
As I
hate
being
such a
fucking
cliché
What do I do
Now all hope is gone
And I am left here
On my own
Somehow still alive
But gasping for air
Unable to thrive
Yet unwilling to care
Yet another day with the urge to quit
How the fuck do I deal with it
Without you by my side
With all your love and kindness to me me denied
Perhaps I should just put it all to an end
Rather than continue going around the bend
As hanging on has never been worth it
Not when I face this tsunami of bullshit
So this is
what it
amounts to
All I have
to show for
my life
Do you
know
I can’t
actually
be arsed
Please,
just pass me
the knife
You say
that
you’ve
had
enough
Well I
ask you –
what
about
me?
Surely
you
won’t
leave me
to drown
In
this
sea
of
hypocrisy?
No amount
of blood,
sweat and
tearsWill ever
be enough
to assuage
these fearsBelieve
meI’ve
tried
Whatever
it is you
want
from me
I just
don’t
have it
to give
As I’m
focusing
all of my
attention
On
finding
reasons
to live
You’ve
stolen
my life
from me
In
oh so
many
ways
It might
have been
you that
died
But
I’m
the one
who pays
Everybody’s
everythingBut
Nobody’s
nothingBoth at
the same
time
I’ll
never
leave
the
house
again
If
that
is
what
you
want
There’s
nothing
out
there
for
me
anyway
Of
that
I’m
confident
‘Distill the life that’s inside of me…’
I
know
that
you
are
here
to stay
I heard
your
voice
from
miles
away
Telling
them
you
were
coming
for me
And
that
you
would
have
no
sympathy
I’ve
slept
most
of the
night
tonight
And I
haven’t
yet
got
out
of bed
I wish
I could
say
I am
ill or
something
But
it’s
actually
just
apathy
instead
I’ll
see
you
nowRoom
number
threeSo,
what’s
the
matterDon’t
fucking
ask me!
I’m
really
not
fineI’m
really
not fine
at allSurely
you
must
see it?Can’t you
hear my
distress
call?
I’d
like to
cancel my
appointment
I don’t
want
to see
you today
What’s
the point
in getting
out of bed
When
you can’t
help me
anyway?
One scar
Two scar
Three scar
Four
It’s not a problem
I suppose
To add
A couple more
Still here
Still sore
Still hoping
For more
The
pain
is
buried
so
deep
She
said
I
don’t
think
it’ll
ever
surface
Then
let’s
just
leave
it
there
He
said
Breaking
your
heart
again
isn’t
worth
it
Never
before
have I
been so
trappedIn
such
a rigid
dichotomyBetween
being so
physically
restrainedYet
emotionally
feeling
so free
I used
to careI used
to worryNow I don’t
feel anythingIn a
hurry
If you
keep
pulling
out your
hair
He
said
You
will
end up
going
bald
And
what
exactly
is it
about that
She
said
That
leaves
you so
appalled?
Take
these
pillsTo
cure
your
illsAnd
mend
your
broken
heartThey’ll
give
you
chillsAnd
delay
your
thrillsBut at
least
it’ll
be a
start
Are you
sure it’s
gone?
What
about
love?
He
asked
Compassion?
Make
no
mistake
I’ve
lost
it all
She
replied
Her
face,
ashen
I wish
I could
rememberThe
good
old
daysBut I
fear they
were just
a lieFor I
cannot
recallAny
time in
my lifeWhen I
didn’t
want
to die
It’s
not
self harming
It’s
self
soothing
I
wanted
to help
you
He
said
I
really
wanted
to try
Then you
should
have left
me alone
She
said
You
should
have just
let me die
Another
dayAnother
dollarFuck
knows whyWe even
bother
I
don’t
mind
being
asleep
It’s the
waking
up I
don’t
care
for
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