Tag: joke

Triple Jabbed

Well that lasted all of five minutes

As after that lockdown was lifted

I was out the front door like a shot

And did I care who touched me? Not a jot!

Deprived

I
honestly
don’t
remember

When
I last
felt
human
touch

And
as
time
goes
on

I’ve
started
to
feel

That
I actually
don’t
mind
too
much

(Originally Posted 07.10.2020)

6

Dating Advice

“You’d have so much to offer

If you could just proffer

A kindly look their way”

—

“My mouth may be broken

But I do have a shot gun

So I’m sure I’ll be ok”

20

A Waste Of Money

Dearly
beloved

We
are
gathered
here
today

To
witness
this
couple’s
happiness

We
must
remember,
of course,

That
in a
year
they’ll be
divorced

And
we’ll
have
forgotten
all this
sappiness

27

Only Joking

You’d
think it
would
take
some
effort

To
write
as
much
as
this

Well
please
don’t
think
me
arrogant

But
it’s
really
a piece
of piss

17

Too Late

You
only
want
me
now

Because
he
says
he
does

Well
you
had
your
chance

But
you
rebuffed
my
advance

So go
jump
in front
of a
bus

17

Just Saying

Focus
on what
you can
control

And
leave
behind
what
you
can’t

That
way
you’ll
find
Bob’s
your
uncle

And
Fanny
really
is your
Aunt

20

Kids

I
love
you

You
love
me

Let’s
make a
little
family

But try
not to
fuck
them up

Like our
folks did
to us

That way
they’ll be
fabulous

18

Wings

Fuck
this
shit

Said
the
moth

To
the
flame

It’s
never
going
to work

It’s
your
fault

Said
the
flame

To
the
moth

For going
so fucking
berserk

20

Disclaimer

I think it’s finally happened

I’ve actually gone mental

Any similarly to actual persons

(Alive or dead)

Is purely coincidental

6

A Messy Job

Why oh why
did I try
to paint
my nails
on a train?

Never will
I attempt
such a
ridiculous
thing again!

19

Get Your Coat…

Would
you
like
to
dance,

He
said,

And I’ll
whisper
sweet
nothings in
your ear?

I’ve
no
time
for
romance,

She
said,

So
just
go and
buy me
a beer.

8

Vanity

Waiting
for the
rain to
stop

I don’t
want to
see another
drop

It
really
doesn’t
seem fair

For I’ve
spent so
long doing
my hair

13

The Washing Machine of Life

Up and down
Spinning around
No stability
to be found

Right and left
Side to side
Nowhere else
left to hide

Hang on,
where did
this sock
come from?

And where
the fuck
is the
other one?

19

Cops & Robbers

Caught with
my hands
in the
sweetie jar
I retreat,
shamefaced,
when I
hear a
police car…

Who the
fuck has
called
the cops?

I’ve only
stolen
a couple
of pear
drops…

2

The Knight

You would come charging in on your white horse

Thinking you’re going to save the world, of course

But you’ve got nothing to offer underneath all of that armour

You don’t fool me, you know, you little charmer

0

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