The Sudden Calmness

They were all hoping

The blues would fade

But they were unaware

My decision was made


Rope

I know
I can’t
do this
anymore

My soul
is heavy
and my
heart
is sore

I feel
the relief
in every
pore

As I walk
along
to the
hardware
store

(Originally Posted 06.12.2019)

Before It’s Too Late

Check in with your family and friends

Make sure they know you are their ally

As you can’t always tell

Who on the outside looks well

But on the inside wants to die


The Passing Samaritan

I
really
can’t
explain
it

This
feeling
I have
inside

I
just
don’t
want
to be
here

And,
God
knows,
I’ve
tried

(Originally Posted 29.10.2020)

So Close

As there was no one to pull me

Back in from the ledge

It is here I remain

Drunk and in pain

Standing perilously close to the edge


A Little More

As I fall
apart
a little
more
each day

I wonder
if I’ll
always
feel
this way

How
much
lower
can I
sink?

Who will
pull me
back
from the
brink?

(Originally Posted 13.10.2019)

A Tough Read

I really am quite thankful

I no longer feel like this

Even though day to day

Things aren’t always okay

At least I’ve stopped thinking that shit


Shotgun

At
this
point
I’ll
try
anything

She
said

It
can’t
do any
harm

Then
you
should
take
this
one

He
said

It’ll
work
like a
charm

(Originally Posted 27.08.2020)

Hard Times Ahead

I sense more of this type coming

And to be honest

I’m a little afraid

Not only to reread them

But also to relive them

Knowing how I’m capable of such again


The Note

It was the lonliness

That got to me

If I’m honest

In the end

Sitting here

Just quietly

But all alone

Yet again

Desperately trying

But failing

My broken heart

To mend

And all the while

Convinced

That the rope

Was my only friend

(Originally Posted 16.06.2020)

Light At The End Of The Tunnel

Darkest thoughts

On my darkest day

I can but hope

The worst is away


Found

Hearing
how
sad
you
would
be

Doesn’t
make
me
change
my
mind

All
it
does
is
remind
me
to
choose

A
method
that
is
kind

(Originally Posted 11.06.2020)

Should’ve Used Housebricks

You lived to see another day

He said

Why aren’t you happy about that

Because I had made my choice

She said

And in the end my plan fell flat


Lifeline

The rubber ring
floats
towards me.

Thank you
for throwing
it down.

But I have
no desire
to grab it.

The rocks
in my pocket
are all
I need.

(Originally Posted 20.04.2019)

Waking Thoughts

And so to yet

Another day

Resisting

The urge to cry

In a body

That is fighting

Hard to survive

But with a mind

That wants to die

Virtueless

As I walk

Into the sea

Never quite who

I wanted to be

I know that faith,

Hope and charity

All just proved

Too much for me

Putting It Bluntly

I’ll say

I felt better

In the end

But the honest truth

Is that

The only reason

I didn’t jump

That day

Is there’d be no one

To feed my cat

Crying Wolf

Remember when I told you

I wished that I was dead

And you thought it was all

Just nonsense in my head

Well maybe now you’ll realise

You will finally get to see

The worst thing that you ever did

Was not to believe me

Out Of My Hands

There wouldn’t be any problem

If I didn’t wake up tomorrow

At least I wouldn’t be in pain

Or suffocating in this sorrow

Peace

It’s hard to explain what happens

When I’m standing alone up there

I’m just willing it all to end

To no longer have to care

I forget about everyone

And every little thing

It’s just me and the breeze

With the comfort it can bring

My mind is crystal clear

And I don’t hear a sound

As all of my focus is trained

On finally hitting the ground

I Can’t Be Arsed

Is this all there is now

Just sitting here killing time

Waiting for the next one to come along

Getting stoned and drinking wine

You see I’d rather not bother

Wasting all this time and effort

I’d prefer to end it here and now

And all my earthly ties sever

The Noose Tightens

Today has
been like
scratching
a brick wall

I didn’t
see this
one coming
at all

Everything
I’ve done
has made me
feel worse

I cannot
shrug this
nightmarish
curse

It feels
ridiculously
melodramatic
to say

But I
really don’t
think there’s
another way

All that
appeals
to me now
is that rope

As finally
it seems I’ve
abandoned
all hope

(Originally Posted 21.08.2019)

Try Harder Next Time

The monster who lives

Under my bed

Whispers again

Why aren’t you dead

Berating me

For writing instead

When all the time

That rope’s still in the shed

The Hangman

I really
try my
best to
cope and
not just
sit around
and mope
but as
time moves
on I
know there’s
no hope
I can
forget the
past and
avoid the
rope that
silently
whispers my
name

(Originally Posted 02.07.2019)

Finally

I wonder what you’ll all say,

When I finally go away.

I wonder what you’ll all think,

When off into the shadows I slink.

I wonder if you’ll all stop and stare,

When you finally realise I’m no longer there.

(Originally Posted 25.06.2019)

Multi Storey Car Parks

As I stand here I wonder…

Who would care, really?

Who would cry?

Who would be bothered to stop and ask why?

Should I? Shouldn’t I?

I couldn’t really go through with it though, could I?

Who would laugh?

Who would sigh?

Is it even possible from up this high?

And then I jump.

Without another care in the world,

or even so much as a goodbye.

(Originally Posted 17.06.2019)

Happy Place

Take me back

To the sea

For it is where

I need to be

But please don’t think

That just because

You’ve emptied my pockets

It’ll be enough to stop it

For in the end

It will just be me

Sinking deep down

Into the depths of the sea

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