"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
Suffice it to say
If I had my way
There’d be no fucking risk assessment
I don’t need protecting
Despite your objecting
As in life I have no investment
999
God
knows
why I
didn’t
wake up
dead
Or why
I didn’t
think
to plan
this far
ahead
(Originally Posted 27.01.2020)
If some of my poems
Are humorous
Albeit
A little dark
This one
Is deadly serious
And not just
A flippant remark
Hanging Around
I know it’s there
In the shed
Waiting for when
I choose death instead
(Originally Posted 23.12.2020)
There’s something about
The rush of the waves
Those echoing sounds
From beyond the caves
This feels like home
To me
That sheer expanse
Of glass like water
As I stand here shaking
In awe before her
I know when I wade in
I’ll be free
Happy Place
Take me back
To the sea
For it is where
I need to be
But don’t think because
I’ve emptied my pockets
That will be
Enough to stop it
For in the end
It will just be me
Sinking down
Into the depths of the sea
(Originally Posted 10.12.2020)
They were all hoping
The blues would fade
But they were unaware
My decision was made
Rope
I know
I can’t
do this
anymore
My soul
is heavy
and my
heart
is sore
I feel
the relief
in every
pore
As I walk
along
to the
hardware
store
(Originally Posted 06.12.2019)
We could have chatted
All day today
If only the sea
Had swept me away
The Beach
I’m
glad
I spoke
to you
today
Even
though
it was
only
the
wind
That
could
reply
Xxx
(Originally Posted 04.12.2020)
Check in with your family and friends
Make sure they know you are their ally
As you can’t always tell
Who on the outside looks well
But on the inside wants to die
The Passing Samaritan
I
really
can’t
explain
it
This
feeling
I have
inside
I
just
don’t
want
to be
here
And,
God
knows,
I’ve
tried
(Originally Posted 29.10.2020)
As there was no one to pull me
Back in from the ledge
It is here I remain
Drunk and in pain
Standing perilously close to the edge
A Little More
As I fall
apart
a little
more
each day
I wonder
if I’ll
always
feel
this way
How
much
lower
can I
sink?
Who will
pull me
back
from the
brink?
(Originally Posted 13.10.2019)
I really am quite thankful
I no longer feel like this
Even though day to day
Things aren’t always okay
At least I’ve stopped thinking that shit
Shotgun
At
this
point
I’ll
try
anything
She
said
It
can’t
do any
harm
Then
you
should
take
this
one
He
said
It’ll
work
like a
charm
(Originally Posted 27.08.2020)
I sense more of this type coming
And to be honest
I’m a little afraid
Not only to reread them
But also to relive them
Knowing how I’m capable of such again
The Note
It was the lonliness
That got to me
If I’m honest
In the end
Sitting here
Just quietly
But all alone
Yet again
Desperately trying
But failing
My broken heart
To mend
And all the while
Convinced
That the rope
Was my only friend
(Originally Posted 16.06.2020)
Darkest thoughts
On my darkest day
I can but hope
The worst is away
Found
Hearing
how
sad
you
would
be
Doesn’t
make
me
change
my
mind
All
it
does
is
remind
me
to
choose
A
method
that
is
kind
(Originally Posted 11.06.2020)
You lived to see another day
He said
Why aren’t you happy about that
Because I had made my choice
She said
And in the end my plan fell flat
Lifeline
The rubber ring
floats
towards me.
Thank you
for throwing
it down.
But I have
no desire
to grab it.
The rocks
in my pocket
are all
I need.
(Originally Posted 20.04.2019)
And so to yet
Another day
Resisting
The urge to cry
In a body
That is fighting
Hard to survive
But with a mind
That wants to die
As I walk
Into the sea
Never quite who
I wanted to be
I know that faith,
Hope and charity
All just proved
Too much for me
I’ll say
I felt better
In the end
But the honest truth
Is that
The only reason
I didn’t jump
That day
Is there’d be no one
To feed my cat
Remember when I told you
I wished that I was dead
And you thought it was all
Just nonsense in my head
Well maybe now you’ll realise
You will finally get to see
The worst thing that you ever did
Was not to believe me
There wouldn’t be any problem
If I didn’t wake up tomorrow
At least I wouldn’t be in pain
Or suffocating in this sorrow
I didn’t consider
Killing myself today
So that has to be a plus
I did, however,
Consider killing you
So there’s still issues
To discuss
With my self care
On the floor
The noose tightens
That little bit more
It’s hard to explain what happens
When I’m standing alone up there
I’m just willing it all to end
To no longer have to care
I forget about everyone
And every little thing
It’s just me and the breeze
With the comfort it can bring
My mind is crystal clear
And I don’t hear a sound
As all of my focus is trained
On finally hitting the ground
Is this all there is now
Just sitting here killing time
Waiting for the next one to come along
Getting stoned and drinking wine
You see I’d rather not bother
Wasting all this time and effort
I’d prefer to end it here and now
And all my earthly ties sever
Today has
been like
scratching
a brick wall
I didn’t
see this
one coming
at all
Everything
I’ve done
has made me
feel worse
I cannot
shrug this
nightmarish
curse
It feels
ridiculously
melodramatic
to say
But I
really don’t
think there’s
another way
All that
appeals
to me now
is that rope
As finally
it seems I’ve
abandoned
all hope
(Originally Posted 21.08.2019)
The monster who lives
Under my bed
Whispers again
Why aren’t you dead
Berating me
For writing instead
When all the time
That rope’s still in the shed
I really
try my
best to
cope and
not just
sit around
and mope
but as
time moves
on I
know there’s
no hope
I can
forget the
past and
avoid the
rope that
silently
whispers my
name(Originally Posted 02.07.2019)
I wonder what you’ll all say,
When I finally go away.
I wonder what you’ll all think,
When off into the shadows I slink.
I wonder if you’ll all stop and stare,
When you finally realise I’m no longer there.
(Originally Posted 25.06.2019)
As I stand here I wonder…
Who would care, really?
Who would cry?
Who would be bothered to stop and ask why?
Should I? Shouldn’t I?
I couldn’t really go through with it though, could I?
Who would laugh?
Who would sigh?
Is it even possible from up this high?
And then I jump.
Without another care in the world,
or even so much as a goodbye.
(Originally Posted 17.06.2019)
Throwing up the contents
Of yet another hateful day
Wondering why I ever made
This ridiculous choice to stay
In the time it took
To load the gun
He realised how
His demons won
Take me back
To the sea
For it is where
I need to be
But please don’t think
That just because
You’ve emptied my pockets
It’ll be enough to stop it
For in the end
It will just be me
Sinking deep down
Into the depths of the sea
If it
is a
choice
Between
land or
sea
I can
tell you
right now
Which
one’s
for me
Please
just
walk
away
And
take
yourself
off home
I
don’t
want to
talk
I
want
to be
alone
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 
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